She surfed the web without leaving bed for two more days.
The Internet said Kirstie Alley got fat after her mc, mc being Internet for miscarriage. The Internet said Tori Amos wrote an album after her mc. The Internet said Pamela Anderson mc’d with Tommy Lee & with Kid Rock. The Internet said the Enquirer said Brad & Jen mc’d. The Internet said Valerie Bertinelli mc’d. The Internet said Amy Brenneman mc’d when she was 39. The Internet said Christie Brinkley had 3. The Internet said Nell Carter had 4. The Internet said Amanda Holden had 2 fetal deaths, the most recent in the 7th month. The Internet said Joan Chen had 6. The Internet said Jane Seymour had 2 before having twins/preeclampsia. The Internet said Linda Hamilton mc’d. The Internet said Nancy Kerrigan had 6 in 8 yrs but refused to talk about it. The Internet said Nicole Kidman had one in 2001. The Internet said Lucy Lawless mc’d right after filming the last episode of Xena. The Internet said Demi Moore mc’d in ’97. The Internet said Jane Pratt mc’d twins. The Internet said Brooke had at least 5 & that her cervix was scarred. The Internet said Sharon Stone had a string of mcs. The Internet said Emma Thompson needed IVF because of PCOS (polycystic ovar. Syndrome) and mc’d in 1997. The Internet said Vanna White mc’d in 1992. The internet said that Oprah mc’d when she was 14. The Internet said Sporty Spice had 5/PCOS.
That’s what the internet said.
. .
Ginger sent her a beautiful email, thanking her. She also wanted to know when she could see the proof sheets. Jacquie told her she was sick & would it be all right if they met next week.
Ginger said of course and attached an article from The New York Times written by a mohel. A Jewish couple had scheduled their baby to be circumcised but it died 3 days after being born. They always do the bris on the 8th day of life. The parents called the mohel and told him what happened but said they wanted him to do the circumcision anyway. The essay was about what a wreck he was but the parents were calm and from them he drew strength. isn’t that interesting how he said they were so calm? she wrote. thats the way it was with Daniel & me when you were taking our picture. maybe you felt that too
Jacquie googled bris, then wondered if the mohel had skipped the prayer that welcomed the baby into the world.
CLEAN [Jacquie&Jerzy]
Sicker Than the Remix
“Thank
you for meeting me. I appreciate that.”
They were having lunch at El Pollo Loco in the crappy strip mall at the corner of Sunset & Crescent Heights. A depressing convenience zone at the bottom of the Mt called Olympus.
Her son was dead pale. Jerzy never quite met her gaze, which had the effect of rendering a boyish grin insidious. From the waist up, the body was calm; the legs thundered beneath the table, as if working the pedals that animated him.
“Have you seen her?”
“Just about every day. We live in the same house.”
“Can you tell me what’s going on?”
She just couldn’t bring herself to say Jerzy.
“What’s going on?” he said, genuinely puzzled.
“With Jerilynn. Reeyonna.”
“Nuthin. I mean she’s good, she’s really good. I think she’s been looking for work.”
“Looking for work how,” said Jacquie, with a bite. “She’s five months pregnant.”
“You can be pregnant & work. Porn stars do it all the time.”
Deep breath. He is my son. He is damaged. He smells like chemicals. He despises me, & he is playing, a cat with a mouse. God, give me the strength to be grateful he agreed to see me. Help me not to blow it, God, at least not this far into the lunch.
“Jerzy”—it came out unbidden. “Do you think we can put our heads together?”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Don’t call you Jerzy?”
“It’s Jerry.”
“I thought it was Jerzy.”
“Not to you.”
“OK. I didn’t mean to call you the wrong thing.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“I just think we need to be kind of a team here. Because I think Jerilynn” (she only reverted because of what he just said. She was completely prepared to say Reeyonna) “is a little out of control. If it weren’t for the baby, it’d be different. We probably wouldn’t be sitting here. Though I’m very glad that we are.”
“Sure, Jacquie.”
His gaze was askew. He seemed to be grinning at something over her shoulder, as if an assassin just walked in — the one he’d hired to come from behind & slit her throat. He had already excused himself from the table three times, twice to the bathroom, & once to get the phone he supposedly left in the car even though it was visible in his pocket as he excused himself. She had no clue who this man was or where he’d come from, something aberrant in the Professor’s seed. She fantasized about being that timid, withdrawn Ocalan girl climbing into a time machine, brought forward to this time, this now, her time machine guide pointing to the tweaky stinkweed deadskinned bum & saying
That. That. That is what your baby will grow up to be.
“Rikki’s parents said she could stay with them.”
“Uh, I don’t really think she wants to do that.”
“But why? Why doesn’t she?”
“You’d have to ask her.”
“She won’t speak to me. She hangs up when I call.”
“What can I say.”
Neither of them made even a pretense of eating their food. Jacquie tap-tapped the tabletop. His thighs momentarily slowed, as if to acknowledge whatever message was being imparted by her table-tapping tom tom. He threw that smug, knowing sado-smile at her tippy-tapping fingers, which made her stop.
“Do you know what all this is about,
She was starting to lose it with the double names & the double bullshit.
“A little.”
“What did she say?”
“You spent a bunch of money that was supposed to be hers?”
“Which isn’t true. Not that a little thing like that matters! There never was any money, Jerry, and none promised. Whatever money I made from my work—& believe me, it wasn’t a lot—whatever money I made was for the household. It was for rent and clothes and necessities. For you and your sister. Because Ronny wasn’t exactly, your stepfather was frugal, he never went above & beyond what the court told him to pay, which was an absurd amount. $550, something like that.” She stared down at the table at her own fingers, which weren’t tapping anymore, they were just laying there. “O what’s the use? What’s the use, there’s just no point. Your sister has this conviction in her head — and she’s stubborn—and there’s just no way to make her see anything different.”