Once the animals were fed, she hopped onto her stationary bike and pedaled fast as memories of things Rhonda and her parents had kept from her eventually surfaced. Casey shoved them back. This wasn’t the time for self-pitying nostalgia. She was building up a sweat when a light rap on the door made her stop.
“Come in.” Casey got off the bike.
As Summer stepped inside, followed by Cheyenne, relief and trepidation bombarded Casey. A bulging backpack hung from Summer’s shoulder. She’d put on pink lipstick, mauve eye shadow, and a ring of black eyeliner around pain-filled eyes. It was too much makeup for a twelve-year-old, but this wasn’t the time to criticize her.
“You don’t have to knock anymore, remember?”
“I’m still not used to it.”
Meaning she hadn’t yet accepted that they were officially a family now, and that Summer was welcome to come and go as she pleased up here. When she remembered, Casey kept the door open, but she also had a hard time breaking habits. Now that Winifred was living here, though, she kept it closed.
“In the car, you said I can stay with Lou’s mom. Can I go there now?”
Not until they’d talked a bit. When Casey’s marriage ended and she moved here, Summer was nine years old. They used to drink cocoa and talk through all sorts of stuff. But this child’s monster-under-the-bed worries had evolved into real-life hurts. Goodnight kisses and soft assurances wouldn’t make them go away.
“Can I eat something first?” Casey asked. “I’m starved.”
Summer hesitated, then shrugged off her backpack and slumped into the rocking chair. Cheyenne sniffed at the guinea pig cages.
“I didn’t know you owned makeup,” Casey said.
“It’s Mom’s. When I put it on, it’s like she’s with me.”
A lump rose in Casey’s throat.
“Was Grandma telling the truth about my birth?”
“Yes.” Casey’s legs felt weak and she sought refuge on the sofa. “Your mom thought the truth would upset you.”
Summer began to sob. Casey hurried to the bathroom, grabbed a couple of tissues, and rushed back.
“It doesn’t matter anyway.” Summer blew her nose. “That person’s dead and Mom isn’t, even though everyone acts like it.”
Casey saw the accusation in Summer eyes. “I’m so sorry, sweetie, but given the way her last phone call went on your birthday, I was afraid mentioning your mom would upset you all over again.”
Summer watched Cheyenne settle in front of the cages. “Why hasn’t Mom tried to contact me?”
“I don’t know.” Rhonda was the one who broke off communication; said she wouldn’t call again until she’d gotten her act together.
“She doesn’t even know my new friends.” Summer stared at the floor. “I haven’t seen her in over four months.”
At the time, Casey thought Rhonda had done the right thing by pleading guilty to spare Summer the anguish and humiliation of a trial, but her decision had given Summer virtually no time with Rhonda after her arrest.
“You never told me why you stopped hanging with your old friends.”
Summer’s face grew scarlet and she gazed at the floor. “Like I had a choice.”
“Oh.” Casey’s heart sank.
“They said mom was insane and that I might be too.”
Casey leaned back against the sofa, her stomach in knots. She’d been too afraid of the truth to come right out and ask.
“I want to go see Mom,” Summer said, looking up.
Oh geez, would Rhonda want that? “I have a mailing address. Maybe you should start with a letter.”
“No, I want to see her. Please?”
“Oh honey, I don’t know.”
Summer covered her face with her hands. More guilt shredded Casey’s peace of mind. She stood and wrapped her arms around Summer.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “This is all a mess, isn’t it? You haven’t mentioned your mom since your birthday, so I really thought you didn’t want to talk about her. Then I started wondering if no contact might be better.”
Summer stifled her sobs. “Don’t you miss her a little?”
“Yes.” Yet the anger was still there, lurking in the back of her mind, appearing in unsettling dreams.
She hadn’t forgiven Rhonda for what she’d done, and hadn’t had much to say during any of her three phone calls. By letting Rhonda become a taboo subject, though, she’d made things worse. Casey’s eyes filled with tears. How could she have let this happen? Hadn’t her own father made her adulterous mother the forbidden topic when he kicked her out of the house? God, she was only a year older than Summer when Mother was banished and became the unseen specter who was always there yet never acknowledged.
“Can’t we at least phone her?” Summer’s voice was small and fearful.
“Okay.” She wiped her eyes. “I’ll do it tomorrow when we’re less emotional.” She just prayed that Rhonda would want to talk to them.
“Do you hate being stuck with me?” Summer asked.
“What? Heavens, no. It’s just that I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time.”
Ralphie stood on tiny hind legs and placed his paws on the wire mesh cage as if waiting to be picked up. Casey lifted the critter and gently stroked him while Cheyenne watched with great interest. Someone knocked on the door.
“If that’s Grandma, I don’t want to see her.”
Casey sympathized. “Who is it?”
“Lou.”
She hadn’t expected him for another two hours. Still carrying Ralphie, she opened the door.
“I thought I’d come early,” he said, smiling tentatively.
“And you brought a six-pack. Thank you.” She could use one.
Stepping inside, his smile faded when he spotted Summer.
“Hey, Lou,” Summer mumbled.
“Hi, I hear you’re going to stay at my mom’s; the land of pool tables and big-screen TVs.”
Summer attempted a smile. “Can’t wait.”
“Want us to keep you company at Barb’s tonight?” Casey returned Ralphie to his cage. “We could change our plans.” She’d told Summer she’d be out with Lou at the Silver Groove. Summer hadn’t seemed to care one way or the other.
“No, go. I need to do homework. Just promise you’ll call Mom tomorrow, okay?”
“Sure.”
“I might as well start the stupid homework now.” As she headed for the door, Cheyenne followed. “Call me when you’re ready to go.”
“I’ll call you when dinner’s ready. I’ve decided to whip up a pot of chili.”
After Summer and Cheyenne left, Lou removed his jacket. “What happened?”
“Winifred blurted the truth about Summer’s birth, and now she wants to see Rhonda.”
“No wonder she looked upset.” Lou put the beer in the fridge, leaving two out. “Are you sure that having Winifred here is a good idea? She seemed pretty hostile when she found out I had a key to the back door.”
“That’s her natural state, only she’s more natural than usual today.” Casey removed a pack of hamburger from the freezer, popped it in the microwave, and hit defrost.
“Why did Winifred bring up her birth now?”
“They were arguing and it came out; seems the old bat’s still furious with Rhonda for everything.” She removed an onion and mushrooms from the fridge. “Spilling her daughter’s biggest secret was payback.”
“Must be tough for you, coping with all this family stuff,” Lou said, handing one of the cans to Casey.
“Why? Just because I couldn’t handle issues with Mother, it doesn’t mean I can’t deal with Summer and Winifred.”
“Whoa, where did that come from?”
“Sorry. I was thinking about Mother before you came by.” Shortly after Mother died in the car crash, Casey told him about her regrets in one long tirade of rage and grief. “I’ll call Rhonda tomorrow. See what’s going on with her.”