But it wasn't true! It wasn't! He knew who he was. He had had parents. A past. All these memories were real. He knew them as intimately as he knew this very second.
He turned to look across the room at his computer.
Rick Henderson had given him the number by which to contact her, via net connection. On her other world. In her other dimension, almost as far away as their one week together.
Stake sat down in front of his computer. And at last, began the call he had fantasized about making for a decade gone by.
It rang and rang on her end. He let it go on for five minutes. What time was it, there? And if someone finally answered, might it be a boyfriend? A husband? A daughter or son?
He was about to disconnect, filled with that thought, when her face appeared on the screen. He flinched, felt nausea lurch into his guts.
Her hair was parted on the side, drawn back behind her head but he could tell it was still as long as ever. Where the light gave it a sheen, it went from black to metallic red. Her blue face, like that of some beautiful apparition, had maybe lost a layer of youthful softness. But he had never seen her eyes, or her little smile, so soft. Or heard her voice, when she spoke, sound so gentle.
"Ga Noh."
"Hi," he said, trying to make his own smile look casual. "Hi, Thi Gonh. It's good to see you again. My friend told you I'd be contacting you, then?"
"Yes. Your friend. Hen-da-son."
Stake nodded. "Good. Thanks for talking to me. How are you?"
"Thi is good," she said. "How are you, Ga Noh? You married now? Children?"
"Me? No. No time, I guess. Busy working."
"Work what?"
"I'm a detective." He saw her features pinch together in confusion. "I'm like a policeman, but for money."
"Ah." But it looked like she only partly got it.
"What are you doing now, for work?"
"I have good money. Farm. Big farm." It seemed to Stake that she watched him more closely, watched for his reaction, when she added, "My husa-bund and me."
"Ah." He nodded again. Husband. "You got married."
"Yes. Six years married."
"Congratulations. Wow. Ah. any children?"
"Oh, no." She shifted slightly, uncomfortably, as if embarrassed at a failing. "Thi body no good."
"No, don't say that. Your body… you…"
His words trailed off. He wanted to vomit. He wanted to cry. He wondered if it were too late to go out after Jones and the other two clones- and shoot them. Shoot their blue-patterned faces off.
Now Thi narrowed her eyes as she scrutinized him even more intently. Why? Was he beginning to change? To mirror her face, as he had done the first time she had told him her name? Mirror her face, as he had done when their bodies were knotted behind the closed blue door of her cell?
"Ga Noh, what happen?" She pointed at the screen.
"Huh?" He touched the blood trickling down his neck, and understood. "Oh. I, ah, cut myself shaving." He made shaving motions and grinned stupidly. Broken-heartedly.
"Ga Noh," Thi said. "You okay? Okay?"
"I'm okay."
"Why you call me? You need Thi take care you?
Help Ga Noh?"
"Help? Oh no. No. I just. I just lost track of you so long ago, and I've always wondered how you were. After the trial and all. I'm just happy you made out all right. I'm relieved."
"Someone hurt you, huh?"
"Hurt me? No. No, I'm okay."
"Someone hurt Ga Noh." Her face had become harder, grim.
"Don't worry about me. It's just my job. It's crazy sometimes." He cleared his voice. "Hey, look, I have to go. But I was talking to Rick- Henderson-and I just thought I'd check in with you and say hi. Now that we aren't at war with each other anymore, huh?"
Her eyes still probed him. Sniper's keen eyes. "Thi worry you. Very worry."
"No. No, really. Look, I have to go. Maybe I'll call again sometime."
"Call from where? Where you now?"
"Punktown, on Oasis. I was born here."
She glanced behind her before she continued. "I am afraid husa-bund angry Thi, talk to Ga Noh."
"Yes, yes, I understand."
"But you need Thi, you call. Okay?"
"Sure. Same here. You need anything, call me. Just store my number, all right?"
"Mm."
"Okay, then. Well. nice to see you. Goodbye, Thi, okay? Goodbye."
Sadness in her face. It truly looked like sadness. Ask her! part of him shouted. But what did it matter now what, if anything, she had felt back then? What that had been all about. A husband now. Another life entirely, as if a different woman had been reincarnated inside the same body.
"Goodbye, Ga Noh," she said.
He pressed a key, banished her face. Then let his head droop. And laughed. Wagged his head, and laughed.
"Fool," he muttered. "Stupid, stupid fool." Ten years, for these five minutes. And now it was all over, wasn't it? This was his closure. Finally over, with a whimper. With a chuckle.
Stake lifted his head to make another call. To let John Fukuda know about the visit from Tableau's cloned thugs. And to let Fukuda know that his own life might be in danger.
Back to the case, to take his mind off the call he had just made. The emptiness that it had filled only with pointed, painful heaviness, like the obsolete detritus of their war. Razor wire and spent cartridges, blood-crusted knives and mud-caked guns. Back to the case, because it was all he had.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
conjoined
As he passed through a wide section of tunnel, Dai-oo-ika noticed that two youths in shabby clothing were watching him, crouched as they were on a catwalk above him, but when he turned his head their way they ducked back into a narrow opening. He was tempted to go up the ladder there after them, in order to take more nourishment, but he did not want to be distracted from the unseen beacon-the silent vibration, almost like a voice- that drew him on and on through the entrails of Punktown. It promised him understanding of his condition, of himself, at its source. Or at least, it was his desire that it would be so.
Some stretches of tunnel were utterly without light. It didn't inconvenience him one bit. His senses had become heightened; the thick tendrils of his face touched-like Braille-the particles of light from which images were constructed. They caressed the currents of sound like a hand dipped in a flowing stream, and the airborne spores of scent adhered to them and dissolved into their silver/black-banded flesh.
On he burrowed. On. Like an archeologist in subterranean ruins, hoping to excavate and piece together the fragments of his memory. There had to be more than just his name, the face of his child mother, snatches of dream. There had to be.
He reached the limits of underground Subtown, but came to a ladder, which he climbed up, up, to a higher level of the netherworld. At one point he crawled on all fours on a web-like metal grille and watched a subway train speed by below him, washing him in a flow of warm and stinking air. Now, just below the crust of the city, he continued following the beckoning call. A voice almost as familiar as his mother's.
He came to a sealed circular grate, but it was not the first that had blocked his path and he pushed it out of its frame with a tortured screech of metal. Dai-oo-ika entered a polished white tunnel, glossy as the inside of a leviathan's intestine. He crawled along this for a short distance, warm air like the wake of that subway train blowing hard against him. But he was a fish diligently swimming upstream against the current. At the end of this air vent he encountered a fan spinning inside a cage. He bent his thick fingers between the bars and tore the cage out of the mouth of the tunnel. The fan came with it in a burst of sparks, the blades whirring to a gradual stop. He bent this obstacle to one side, the fan blades merely the petals of a giant flower for the crushing.