‘Know what, Vogel, if you weren’t shuch a boring old happily married fart, I’d take you upstairs with me — I would, honest,’ Clarke said, her words not entirely clear.
Vogel blushed and began blinking furiously behind his spectacles. He so wished he didn’t do either.
‘Would you?’ he asked, not sure whether she was joking or not.
He’d been going to address her as boss, like he always did. Under the circumstances, though, that didn’t seem right. But he could never call her Nobby. How could any man address a woman like her as Nobby?
‘Ma’am,’ he added lamely, and immediately wished he hadn’t.
Her eyes narrowed.
‘Yep,’ she said. ‘I would.’
She leaned forward conspiratorially.
‘But only if you’d call me “ma’am” in bed. All right?’
Vogel’s blush deepened. His blink rate increased. In common with most of her colleagues he knew next to nothing about DCI Clarke’s private life. The rumour, based on her being spotted by one of the biggest gossips in her old MIT unit strolling through St James’s Park with an arm across the shoulders of another woman, whom she had also been seen with on more than one other occasion, was, of course, that she was gay. And this woman was clearly her life partner.
‘Aren’t you spoken for, ma’am?’ he asked, more directly than he’d intended.
‘Yep,’ she replied, grinning wickedly.
Vogel found more courage. The boss was drunk, after all. He could probably get away with saying anything.
‘And you share your life with a woman, don’t you? Aren’t you gay?’
‘Ah ha!’
Clarke leaned close to him.
‘Only on Mondays, Wednesdays... oh, and weekends,’ she said.
‘Right.’
‘And today is Thursday.’
‘So it is,’ said Vogel.
He didn’t know what else to say.
Nobby Clarke’s grin widened.
‘I’m joking, you bloody fool!’ she said. ‘You didn’t think I was that drunk, did you?’
Vogel had a feeling he should be insulted. Mostly he was relieved.
‘Of course not, boss,’ he said.
Acknowledgements
Grateful thanks to:
Former Avon and Somerset Constabulary Detective Inspector Stephen Bishop, Incident Room Manager of the Bristol-based Brunel Major Crime Investigation Team; former Avon and Somerset Constabulary Detective Sergeant Frank Waghorn; and Pip Hall, of the Maritime and Coastguard Agency.
Plus, of course, Wayne, Anne and all the team at Pan Mac, Tony, and Amanda. As ever.