I stood up and pretended to cry. “I’m as sad as Kevin Bacon.”
She was laughing as I shut the door behind me, that big dirty laugh that makes her tits wobble. I won’t try to kiss her again. I don’t want to be pushy, but I hope that it isn’t over between us. Her unavailability coupled with the complete sexual abandonment that lies beneath it is tremendously erotic. I can’t remember if having to strive for sex was always this exciting. It feels as though there’s a live possibility tingling between us in a way that never happens when you know for certain you’re going to touch each other again.
I’ve been reading the prison-lovers book since I came up here and looking at the pictures of Donna, trying to feel sad about the fact that her body has been found. I can’t remember what I came up here to say, but it was important enough to peel my carcass off the sofa and propel me up three flights of stairs. Possibly I had nothing to say, possibly I just had an urge to be up here, in this small space with a locked door between me and the rest of the world, restoring order through the cunning application of my rudimentary secretarial skills.
It seems bizarre that this article was published only three months ago:
Box 2 Document 12 “ Riverside Ripper Appeal to Go Ahead,” Scotsman, 8/30/98
This box is getting a bit full. I should get a new one.
A fresh appeal hearing was announced today for Andrew Gow, the Glasgow man convicted of the 1993 Riverside Ripper murders. The failure of the police to stem the murders of five Glasgow prostitutes in the early nineties led to the calls for the formation of a US-style EPCU policing database, capable of cross-referencing cases nationwide and identifying patterns. Gow, who was convicted on the basis of a confession, has become the subject of a local campaign for a retrial following the discovery of two new victims, apparently killed by the same offender. Gina Wilson and Nicola Hall both met their deaths while Gow was in prison. Samples found at the scene match the DNA profile found on the previous victims. It calls into question the use of DNA profiling when samples are degraded and the presentation of degrees of probability in DNA cases. Since his original confession, Gow has consistently denied committing the original series of murders.
The appeal will be heard on September 2 and is expected to attract international press attention. Mr. Gow was denied bail pending the hearing, but this is not thought to reflect his chance of a successful appeal, rather, the lack of reliable risk assessment reports at this time.
This was because Susie had been sacked. They had to get the reports redone by someone else because Susie’s were challengeable.
A spokesman for Gow’s new wife, Donna McGovern, 23, made a brief statement outside the court hearing in Glasgow: “Mrs. Gow is absolutely over the moon and delighted with the news.” The couple plan to move away as soon as Mr. Gow is released.
See our DNA Special page 13: Racial Profiling, Probability, and How Hundreds Become Thousands on the Stand
I don’t want to read about appeals just now really. It’s twelve-ten and I should go downstairs and lie in bed with my eyes shut tight, straining to relax. I’ll stop typing at one. I can’t even get a cup of tea because my tooth’s heat-sensitive. I’ll put a hot-water bottle in my bed, come back up here, and definitely stop at one.
Box 2 Document 13 Notes on Women Who Marry Murderers
REASONS FOR MARRYING
1. Status, gives them social significance, attention-seeking.
2. Vicarious celebrity.
3. Vicarious murder.
4. Erotomania: killers ultimate macho men.
5. Inadequate intelligence.
6. Passion is fueled by deprivation of the physical presence of the other; suffering and anguish mistaken for passion.
All of which seem to apply to Donna.
PROFILE OF WOMEN:
1. Catholic; subjugation of women and sexual repression of Church ties in nicely to absent husband.
2. Often have had an unhappy first marriage at a young age, often to violent alkies.
3. Unstable upbringing, authoritarian father.
4. Recent death in family, often of abusing parent.
5. Low self-esteem and attachment to someone they think powerful.
6. When move to be closer to prison (usually six months to a year) lose all social support and become more vulnerable.
All of which absolutely do apply to Donna. Apart from the last one. She moved up before she had even met him.
PROFILE OF MURDERERS:
1. Alcohol often present in commission of offense (not Gow).
2. Motive for marriage by prisoners: having stable relationship creates better basis for parole board (not applicable; D amp;G were engaged even before there was any possibility of parole).
3. These men are strivers in prison, often take degrees (not Gow).
4. Grandiose and narcissistic (yes Gow).
5. Killers exude self-confidence. Lack empathy and refuse to take responsibility for their behavior- blame others, often the victims. Claim victim status for themselves- killers victim of system. The whole relationship focus becomes saving poor man from victimization by the system (yes to all of this re Gow).
It is astonishing how many hits the woman who wrote this book made with Gow and Donna. It would be nice to write to her and let her know, but I can’t be bothered. I was thinking about Donna moving up here before she was even sure she had permission to visit Gow, which kind of makes me wonder what she was moving from. If Donna did murder those women for Gow, then she must have killed the first one (Nicola Hall) before they were even married. Maybe she wanted to kill someone all along and getting Gow released was her excuse.
It’s one-thirty and I’ve got to sleep. I’m glad I’ve had my hair cut. I hope I don’t look awful in the photographs on Monday. I hope to God that Susie’s all right. I hope they’ll give her some sleeping pills and she isn’t hassled by anyone on the Big Blue Bus.
Everything on earth feels precarious tonight. I’ve been down and looked in on Margie four times. On the way back up with a cup of tea, I was struck by the conviction that Yeni had buckled under the strain of having an affair with her employer and hanged herself. I couldn’t resist the urge to look in on her to make sure she was okay. I just stood at the door to her room and peeked in with one eye. I hope she was asleep and doesn’t know I did that.
chapter thirty
DRINKING STRAIGHT FROM A COGNAC BOTTLE IS NOT EASY WITH A half-frozen face. Let me correct that. Drinking straight from a cognac bottle is not economical with a half-frozen face. I had to take my new coat off in case I spilled any on it. I hung it behind the door. It is beautiful. I’m not going to drink any more tonight so that I can put it back on.
It is done. I went to court this morning and Susie was given life and taken away. Then I went straight to the dentist and had the tooth prepped for the cap. I sat for an hour with two people’s hands in my mouth, let them grind my tooth, and then paid handsomely for the privilege. Can there by anything more counterintuitive than voluntarily subjecting yourself to dentistry? I slept so badly last night that I almost nodded off while my tooth was being drilled.
I came straight up here and have been reading reviews in the State Literary Journal for over an hour to try to bore my mind into a state of quiet.
Yeni has been wonderful. She looked after Margie all day and then let me come straight up here to be alone. She hasn’t questioned me about my day, but she must have seen it all on TV. When I came home, I went into the kitchen and Yeni stroked my arm, but I think it was to feel the fabric on my new coat rather than to touch me. Maybe she just doesn’t have the vocabulary to ask about the niceties of procedure in my murderous wife’s sentencing. I’d smash this room up if I didn’t like it so much and wasn’t worried about messing up my lovely coat. I’m fucked right off.