As we all now know, Rong Jinzhen always carried a notebook on his person. But when he got sick, when his blood was flowing down his face, he wasn’t really cognisant of his own person to say nothing of others, and so his notebook was brought along with him to the clinic. Of course, this was strictly prohibited. However, even though his personal security guard knew that he had been admitted to the hospital (in other words he was out of the Northern Complex), she didn’t rush over to immediately collect it. Consequently, it wasn’t until the evening of the day he took sick that Rong Jinzhen himself handed it in. Once the security bureau authorities learnt of what had happened, they straightaway reprimanded the guard, dismissed her from her position and began to make arrangements to appoint a new security officer to manage Rong Jinzhen’s affairs. The new guard was none other than his future wife. From the looks of it, all of this must have happened three or four days after Rong Jinzhen had signed out this particular notebook — on the fourth or fifth day after he was admitted to hospital.
This notebook was most definitely not that notebook! In truth, when Rong Jinzhen handed in the notebook himself, he didn’t forget to make a request for a new one, because he was only too aware of his own personal habits — only too aware of his need to have a notebook always on his person. This was part of his life. You could say that this habit began on the day that Young Lillie gave him that Waterman pen; even though he was sick, a habit is a habit and they are hard to break. Of course, given his surroundings at the time, it would have been impossible for him to write anything involving work, and this is the reason why this particular notebook has been declassified and allowed to be held personally by Di Li. In my opinion, the notebook contains random thoughts and impressions about his time spent at the hospital.
3. The people he mentioned in the notebook are unclear.
The people he writes about are simply called ‘you’, ‘he’ and ‘she’. It seems to me that all of these people lack any clear designation; the pronouns do not point to any single person. To use a linguist’s vocabulary, the ‘signifieds’ are at play. That is to say, at times these pronouns seem to refer to himself, at other times to Liseiwicz, or Young Lillie, or his mother, or Master Rong. At yet other times it seems that the pronouns used refer to his wife, or the chess-playing lunatic, or the Christian God. There are times when they even seem to be referring to a tree or a dog. In any case, it’s all very confusing, and perhaps he didn’t really know himself who or what he was talking about, so the whole thing is quite a mess. Understanding it is something you will just have to play by ear. Why is it that I think you, my readers, can choose to read this section or not? Well, this is my reason: there is no way we can be sure we understand what is written in the notebook, no way to be certain, no way to clearly grasp the exact meaning; all we can do is rely upon our feelings and play it by ear — accept it for what it is. That being the case, reading what follows is up to you. It doesn’t matter one way or the other. If you do want to continue, then to assist you in doing so, I’ve added numbers to each entry to help organize them, at least somewhat. Also, whatever was written in English has been translated.
01
He continues to demand that I live my life like a mushroom, to grow and flourish with the sun and earth, with the clouds and rain, and to eventually die by their hands. But it seems as though I can’t do this. And now, for instance, he’s changed into a house pet.
A fucking house pet!*
02
He feels this way: he’s terrified of hospitals.
After being admitted to hospital, all the strongest men turn into pitiable creatures. Small and puny. Like children. Or old men. Other people will inevitably show concern for them. . like the concern they show for a pet.
* This was underlined in the original English version; as were some other passages below.
03
All that exists is reasonable, but not necessarily sensible — I heard him say this. Well said!
04
In the window you see the reflection of your head wrapped in a bandage; it’s like a wounded soldier fresh from the front line.
05
Suppose the bleeding in my stomach is type A, the blood from my forehead is B, the serious illness is X, then it’s quite obvious, the space between A and B possesses a multidirectional relationship with X, A is inside, B is outside, or perhaps A is dark, B is light. To proceed, you could also understand A as being on top, or positive, or this, B in contrast, B is on the bottom, or negative, or that, in brief it is a homologous multidirectional relationship. This type of multidirectional relationship does not need to be constructed upon a solid foundation, rather it is entirely random. But once this randomness appears, it becomes a necessity, then if there is no A there can be no B, B is the necessary counterpart of A. The concrete characteristic of this multidirectional relationship is akin to the theory of the binary nature of mathematical constants proposed by Georg Weinacht*. . could it be that Weinacht has also experienced something similar to what you have, and took from it the inspiration to invent his theory?
06
There is an explanation for the wound on the edge of my forehead –
Paul said: ‘The season prompts people to till the land, why is it that you are seated here crying?’
The farmer said: ‘Just now a donkey bucked and with one of its feet kicked out two of my front teeth.’
Paul said: ‘Then you ought to be laughing, why is it that you cry?’
The farmer said: ‘I cry because I am in pain and feel deeply hurt, tell me, why should I laugh?’
Paul said: ‘The Lord has said, for a young man to have lost his teeth and have had his forehead split is a good omen, it means that happiness will soon be upon you.’
The farmer said: ‘Then please entreat the Lord to give me a son.’
In that year, the farmer indeed had a son.*
Now your forehead has also been cracked open, will happiness soon be upon you as well?
Something will indeed happen, only it is difficult for you to tell if it will be good or ill. That’s because you don’t know what is good for you.
* Remember, Weinacht and Liseiwicz were one and the same. At this time, however, Rong Jinzhen did not know this.
07
I have seen all that is under heaven and it is all hollow, empty, all clutching at the wind. That which is crooked cannot be straightened, that which lacks cannot ever be sufficient. My heart tells me that I have obtained a formidable intelligence, surpassing all of those from my time before in Jerusalem, and my heart has experienced and possesses more knowledge and understands more of things. I have also been engrossed in open enquiries and secret searches into wisdom, egotism and ignorance, but I know that this is still only clutching at the wind. With much knowledge comes much worry and frustration; increasing knowledge only increases grief.†
08
He is very rich, ever richer.
He is destitute, ever more destitute.