FEMALE VOICE: He says their fastest runner is two hours and thirteen minutes. You will meet him tonight. He is from a minority in Union Province.
EDITOR: What is a minority?
FEMALE VOICE: In China there are many! These two boys are called minorities. From some provinces they speak different languages.
YOUNG MALE VOICE (Bling): Those stars you see on the Chinese flag? They each represent one of the minorities.
WHISPER: Boiled eggs, pickled eggs, eggs soaked in tea, and one one-thousand-year-old fossilized egg for each table, like sinister black jelly with a blacker yolk…
EDITOR: Will you ask if China is ready to devote the time and specialization it takes to become world class?
FEMALE VOICE: He says, absolutely.
EDITOR: Was he an athlete himself?
FEMALE VOICE: When he was twenty he had great hopes of going to the Olympics. That was thirty years ago, a time of great turmoil in China.
WHISPER:…beans, peanuts, pickled walnuts, fish stomachs and celery flambé…
MALE CHINESE VOICE: Ganbei!
FEMALE VOICE: He says, "To the good health of your country."
ALL: Ganbei!
EDITOR: If one shows athletic talent is he given special dispensation by the government?
FEMALE VOICE: He says, yes.
BLING: Yes, indeedy!
FEMALE VOICE: He says that the person with particular talent will get better food.
BLING: That's why the basketball team has those giants. One eight-foot-eight fucker called the Mongolian Tower! That's quite lofty.
EDITOR: Is there a philosophy… I mean, what's the party line on physical fitness?
FEMALE VOICE: He says the party line is to become healthy first and then friendship and then competition.
EDITOR: I knew there had to be a party line. So why, ask him, did they never address the issue of fitness before, because -
BLING: They did address it. Mao made a big point of it. He was a goddamn health nut.
EDITOR: I mean was Mao aware of the fitness of the nation?
(Long Chinese conversation back and forth)
FEMALE VOICE: In 1953 Chairman Mao noticed China's health standard was low… because of disease and poverty. So after the liberation in '53 Chairman Mao decided to make it a special issue.
WHISPER:… pickled cherries, pressed duck, shredded ham, mashed mollusks, dugong dumplings, goose ganbeied…
MALE CHINESE VOICE: Ganbei!
FEMALE VOICE: He says, "To the sportsmen of China and the U.S."
ALL: Ganbei!
EDITOR: Ask them what they prescribe for an athlete who's injured? Do they use acupuncture?
FEMALE VOICE: He says, "Yes."
EDITOR: Can he give me any specifics of athletes who had acupuncture used on them?
FEMALE VOICE: He says he can only give personal experience. He was injured once and cured with acupuncture.
BLING: You know what the most recent study proves? I'll tell you what the most recent study proves: That acupuncture works according to just how fucking educated you are. The more educated, the less it works. Ganbei to the ignorant.
WRITER: Better watch that stuff, Bling.
BLING: Know why it's called Mao-tai? I'll tell you why it's called Mao-tai. Mao had it invented when he couldn't get a good mai tai.
WRITER: Bling's fortifying himself for the heartfelt thank-you he's going to give Mr. Mude for all this free succor. Good God, look what I found in my soup. A chicken head!
BLING: You better keep it. That's the only head you're gonna get in China.
WRITER: Let's see what else -
WHISPER: He's going in again, folks. Look out!
WRITER: Well, here's your basic pullybone.
WHISPER: He's working his way down, folks.
WRITER: Pull, Big Tooth, win a wish.
FEMALE VOICE: He won't know that. He won't, from the southwest -
BLING: She's right. I've never seen a wishbone pulled anywhere but Pittsburgh.
WRITER: Whatcha mean? Look there. His buddy knows. Okay, cuz, you pull.
PHOTOG: Let me get a shot -
ALL: He wins.
WRITER: You win. Ask him what his name is again.
FEMALE VOICE: He says his name is Yang.
EDITOR: Ask him what his time is.
FEMALE VOICE: He says – oh, he is very embarrassed; we've: made him blush – that he has no time. '
EDITOR: No time? Hasn't he ever run a marathon before?
FEMALE VOICE: No. The older fellow says he is a very good runner though.
EDITOR: Why was he invited?
FEMALE VOICE: His friend says because he; Yang, has very good wins in 5,000.
EDITOR: What was his time in 5,000?
FEMALE VOICE: He says he does not know his time. No times were taken.
WRITER: Ask him – ask him about his family.
FEMALE VOICE: He says he lives with his aunt and uncle near Qufu. And his mother. He says his father is dead.
WRITER: An orphan! Here's our story. The Cinderella orphan marathoner! A minority, unknown, shy, out of Outer Mongolia, sails past the pack and takes the gold. Just what I been wishing for…
EDITOR: Very nice. But he was the one that got the wish.
MALE CHINESE VOICE: (something in Chinese) Ganbei!
FEMALE VOICE: To the Long March!
ALL: Ganbei!
EDITOR: To the Long Run!
ALL: Ganbei!
BLING: To the MX missile system!
ALL: Ganbei!
WRITER: Now you've stepped in it, Bling. Here comes our dude Mude.
FEMALE VOICE: The gentleman of the press says that is Mr. Xu Liang coming with Mr. Mude. Our fastest runner. He has run in two hours thirteen something.
EDITOR: Two-thirteen! That isn't loafing.
MUDE: Good evening. I would like to introduce you to our Chinese champion, Mr. Xu Liang.
ALL: Ganbei!
WRITER: He tosses 'em, the champ does.
BLING: And this don't look like the champ's first stop. Hey, Xu Liang! To the Pittsburgh Pirates!
ALL: Ganbei!
MUDE: By the way, Mr. Wu; I have something for you. Be so kind.
BLING: What is it?