No, not now. Please not now. The familiar tightening of her chest, shortness of breath, the overwhelming need to flee unexpectedly washed over Caroline. She had no clue it was coming until it was right on top of her and there was little she could do to stop it.
It was the last thing she needed right now. She hadn’t had a panic attack for months. They started the first time she was back on her bike after her devastating injury. At first, she didn’t know what was going on. All she knew was that it scared the hell out of her. She felt like she was having a heart attack. Her legs were weak, her breathing much faster than normal. Her heart was racing, her throat dry. She couldn’t get off her bike fast enough, and it was all she could do to get away.
She confided in her father what had happened and he accompanied Caroline to her doctor. After a battery of other tests, she was diagnosed with panic attacks and referred to a psychologist who was better equipped to help her deal with what was described as a form of posttraumatic stress syndrome. After a few sessions with Dr. Blackstone, Caroline had learned how to deal with the attacks through a series of calming techniques. She began them now.
Forcing herself to concentrate, she shifted her weight over her legs, jumping over a dip in the trail that would send a less experienced rider flying over the handlebars causing certain injury. The bike hit the ground, and between the shocks on the front and rear of her bike as well as the powerful muscles in her legs acting like springs, she hardly felt the return to earth.
She expertly conquered the twists and turns of the course gaining speed when she could, backing off when she had to. It seemed like only seconds before she saw the finish line to her left. The hairpin curve she was worried about was to her left. She braked going into the bend, her rear wheel skidding almost out from under her as she maneuvered through the tight turn. Cheers erupted when she emerged and she pedaled hard through the finish line.
Caroline skidded to a stop and looked over her shoulder at her time displayed on the Omega board. This was the first of the qualifying
• 54 •
Descent
rounds. Each round consisted of two timed events, with the fastest racers moving on to the next round until only the final ten remained.
The final round was three races, the combined time resulting in the winner of that leg of the championship. In addition to the blue jersey, the winner received fifteen points. Ten points went to the rider who finished second, five for third, and three for fourth. At the end of the race series, the rider with the highest number of points was declared the overall champion.
“Yes,” Caroline shouted as her time and bib number flashed to the top of the standings. At 5:39:42, she was three seconds ahead of the second place rider. Caroline had been on the circuit long enough to know the racers, their strengths and weaknesses, and the five riders behind her could not beat her time. Except for the one that was coming down the mountain now.
In what seemed like an instant, Shannon breezed across the finish line and Caroline thought she was barely breathing hard. Her time was four seconds ahead of Caroline’s and she and Shannon, along with eight others, moved on to the next round.
The remainder of the day continued in the same manner. By her last race, Caroline had ridden down the challenging hill seven times, each time faster than the last, her confidence gaining.
Her parents and Fran had arrived the night before and were cheering her on from the grandstand adjacent to the finish line. Steven and Robin Davis attended as many of her races as they could, but money was tight in the Davis household. But there was no way they’d miss this one. Fran’s parents were so rich she was able to go pretty much wherever she wanted. Most of the time she chose to be with Caroline.
Surprisingly, she had gotten to be a pretty good bike mechanic and an excellent chief cook and bottle washer.
Freshly showered, Caroline walked down the stairs and saw her parents already sitting in the living room of the B&B. They were engaged in conversation with an elderly gentleman who was doing most of the talking with his hands. The fact that he was speaking French and her parents didn’t know a word didn’t seem to stop him from carrying on his side of the conversation.
“Caroline,” her mother said, obviously relieved at the interruption.
• 55 •
JuliE CaNNoN
“Hey, Mom, is Fran down yet?”
“Yes, she’s outside with one of the men working on the yard, or trimming the bushes or something.” Her mother waved her hand in the direction of the front of the house. “Why don’t we go find her?”
Caroline chuckled at how smoothly her mother made their escape from the man who had turned his attention and antics to the woman to his left. They stepped outside. The stickiness of the past few days had subsided leaving crisp, cool mountain air. The three of them walked around the building and Caroline saw Fran in a casual pose leaning against a fence gate. She was talking to a tall man with hair the color of coal and by the look on his face, she was working her magic.
“Speaking of romance,” her father said. Her parents had heard enough stories and been around Fran long enough to know what she was up to. “Are you seeing anyone?”
After the debacle in high school with Shannon, her parents finally came to grips with the fact that Caroline was not simply going through a phase brought on by attending an all-girls school. After four years at Columbia and three more getting her graduate degree, they were closer than most of her friends were with their parents.
“Not really.” Caroline couldn’t very well say that she had a torrid night with a near stranger a week ago. She could tell her parents anything, but she drew the line at her sex life.
“Not really or no?” her mother said. Caroline had four siblings, each married and some with children of their own, but her mother still worried about her. When she became a mother, Caroline supposed she would as well.
“Not really. Really,” she said to counter the look of skepticism on her mother’s face. “I’ve gone out a few times but nothing serious. I’ve been training, remember?” She nudged her mother affectionately.
“How could I forget? You don’t call and I can’t remember the last time you came home for a visit. Little Clarice is walking now and you’re going to miss it.”
At the name of her latest niece, Caroline smiled. “Mom, I doubt Clarice is going to stop walking anytime soon. It’s not a phase she’s going through. I’m no child development expert, but I think she’ll be doing that for the rest of her life.” Caroline loved teasing her mother.
• 56 •
Descent
“You know what I mean, young lady. Don’t get cheeky with me.
Your father and I aren’t getting any younger, you know.”
“Mom,” Caroline replied exasperated. “You’re both only fifty-two.
That’s hardly pushing up daisy years.” She gave her mom a quick hug.
“But I know what you mean. This is my last season, and once I get my Ph.D. and get settled I’ll be there so much you’ll think I moved back in.
Now let’s rescue that man from Fran and get something to eat.”
v
The next morning Shannon’s alarm buzzed incessantly. She didn’t want to get up. She hadn’t gone out drinking or partying with or without a sexy Canadian. She just didn’t feel like getting out of bed, which was odd because today was the finals of this all-important first race and she was atop the leader board ahead of Caroline and a rookie from Spain.
It was seven thirty when she finally rolled out of bed. She hadn’t slept well. Images of Caroline floated in and out of her dreams. In one, she was laughing, in another angry, in a third, she was making love to her, and finally, she was crying. Shannon couldn’t quite figure out what was going on in each sequence, but she knew she was in all of them.