She looked at her watch at least a dozen times before Caroline finally walked through the door. The closer it got to the time they had agreed to meet, the more Shannon began to doubt that Caroline would actually show up. She wasn’t used to this uncertainty. The women she went out with always showed up. As a matter of fact, most times they were early and Shannon was the one they waited for. It felt odd to have the shoe on the other foot. She didn’t like it.
For the past year, thoughts of Caroline had crossed her mind more
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and more often. She wondered just how different her life would have been if they had stayed together. Would it be any different? Would she still have bounced around from woman to woman never staying long enough to learn more than just her name?
She was the bad girl on the circuit. It was her persona even though just as much was conjecture as reality. She was tired. Tired of the travel, the junk food, and the endless empty nights. Who knew she was seriously thinking about retiring and settling down? But what surprised her the most was how often thoughts of Caroline popped in her head.
The chiming of the bell above the door rang again as another patron entered with Caroline right behind him. Shannon barely glanced at the man, her complete focus on Caroline. She had changed into a tangerine-colored sleeveless blouse over matching plaid shorts that fell just above her knees, accentuating her long legs. A tattoo that hadn’t been there ten years ago circled one pale ankle above camel and tan boat shoes. Shannon wondered if Caroline had any more surprises hidden under her fashionable clothes.
When Caroline saw her, Shannon’s heart jumped a beat or two faster at the flash of recognition in her eyes. That expression didn’t last long as Caroline quickly covered it up. But Shannon knew it was there.
It reminded her of every time they saw each other those many years ago. Caroline took a deep breath as she approached the table where her ex-lover sat. Funny, she thought, she had never really thought of or referred to Shannon as an ex-lover. It sounded so intimate. But wasn’t that what they had been? Intimate? No, she shook her head. Sex, fucking, and lust are what you have when you’re seventeen. The word
“lover” just sounds too mature for teenagers.
All of this and much more raced through her head as she closed the gap between them. Shannon stood as she approached and Caroline’s reaction to her was as thrilling today as it was all those other times that seemed like ages ago.
Caroline was a freshman when she first saw Shannon walk across the courtyard of MHA. At first she thought she was an upperclassman, the way she walked with confidence, as if she had always belonged at the prestigious school. Her hair was longer than it was today and equally blond and unruly. She had the swagger of someone who went
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after what she wanted and the sophistication that only the wealthy seem to inherit. Caroline had started to suspect she was attracted to girls and one look at Shannon Roberts confirmed it. But it wasn’t until two years later and that fateful summer that changed her life.
Caroline was a virgin when she and Shannon finally got together.
She knew all about the boy/girl thing but had no idea what to put where to make a girl cry out and beg for more. But with Shannon she caught on fast. It was as if she had been pulled out of a fog that she only thought she was seeing through. With Shannon, every day was brighter, every minute an adventure. As in typical teenage fashion, Shannon was everything to her and Caroline thought she couldn’t live without her.
But obviously she had. They both had, and here they were all these months and years later. And Caroline felt as she did back then.
“You seem surprised to see me,” Caroline said. Shannon pulled out the chair for her.
The waiter arrived and took their drink order, giving Shannon a reprieve from answering. But Caroline wasn’t letting her off the hook.
“Didn’t think I’d show up?” And why is she so relieved that I did?
“I wasn’t sure if you would or not,” Shannon admitted.
“I said I’d come.” Caroline tried to relax. The conversation felt forced and awkward and it got worse with a long pause when neither she nor Shannon said anything. Shannon looked anything but the sophisticated, cocky poster girl of the circuit. She looked scared to death. Caroline took pity on her.
“How have you been, Shannon?” What have you been doing with yourself? How do you spend your days? Who do you spend your nights with? Do you ever think of me? Did you fall apart like I did when you left? Those and a dozen other questions threatened to spill out of her mouth. Her pride kept them in.
“No complaints, I suppose. How about you? I was sorry to hear about your crash.” Shannon toyed with her spoon, a sign of nervousness Caroline remembered.
“I’m okay now. It was a nasty spill and I still have two pins in my leg, but it only bothers me when it’s really cold, or when I sit too long.”
Actually, it bothered her more than she cared to admit, but a steady dose of ibuprofen and ice kept the major discomfort at bay.
The waiter returned with their drinks and Caroline ordered a roast
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beef sandwich with chips and Shannon ordered a rare burger and fries.
There was another long pause when he left.
“Why did you invite me to lunch?” By the look on Shannon’s face, Caroline might as well have asked her to recite the entire periodic table of elements. “We haven’t spoken to each other since high school.
Why now? Why this race?” Why did you leave me? Why didn’t you stay and fight for me? Why didn’t you ever call me?
“I don’t know. I guess I thought it was time.” Shannon squirmed in her seat.
“Time for what?” Caroline was surprised when long dormant anger simmered to the surface. She had been angry at the way Shannon had left her. Angry that she never made more of an effort to contact her.
Angry that she had practically ignored her at every race they competed in. It wasn’t as if she had fallen off the face of the earth.
“Jesus, Caroline, would you give me a break here? I know it’s been a long time, but that was years ago.”
“And we’re supposed to act like, what…we let bygones be bygones? It never happened?” Caroline could just as well forget what it was like to make love with Shannon as she could her own shoe size.
That was the trouble. She couldn’t forget. At the rate she was going she’d never forget.
“No, of course not,” Shannon replied quickly, finally showing some spark in the conversation.
“Of course not what? We let it go? Or act like it never happened?”
Their food came and the waiter left without saying a word, the tension between the two of them obvious.
“Neither one.” It was Shannon’s turn to be angry. “For Christ sake, Caroline, why don’t you flay me open right here, right now? Will that make you feel better? It was years ago. An entire lifetime ago and I’m sorry.” She raised her hand cutting off what Caroline was about to say.
“I’m sorry that was the way your father found out. I’m sorry that you were put in that position. I’m sorry that you had to deal with all of it.
But what I’m not sorry about is that we were together in the first place.”
Shannon took a long drink of her tea.
“Is it too much to want to talk, to find out how you are, what you’ve been doing with your life? I don’t want to pretend like it never happened, Caroline, because it did. We had a teenage fling. It was
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