“My kind of fucked up shouldn’t touch you, sweetheart.” He sighs and I feel him pull away. I know I should expect it, the man runs hot and cold, but I’m not going to be some push over who sits around and wishes he could change.
“You don’t see what I see, do you, Jesse?”
“What do you see, Bell?”
“I see a man fighting a battle he’ll never win on his own. You don’t have to pretend around me, Jesse. I’ll never ask that of you.”
“I get that from you. I do, sweetheart. But I don’t know if I can give you what you need.”
“How do you know what I need?” The line goes quiet and I know he has nothing. “You don’t, so don’t assume you think you know, Jesse. Maybe you’re exactly what I need.” I don’t know where my confidence comes from, but I like it. If only I could assert it into my own life. Onto my family.
“There’s a lot of shit you don’t know, Bell.” He clears his throat. A shudder moves slowly over my skin with his revelation.
“I’m sure there is and if you decide to tell me, then we will deal with it,” I tell him and he doesn’t respond.
“Fuck! What are you doing to me, Bell?” He lets out a frustrated breath and it’s as if I breathe it in from my end.
“What are you doing to me?” I answer back. “I’m so far out of my comfort zone I don’t know how to feel.” I whisper the last part. Admitting truths comes easy when I’m talking with Jesse.
“I want to see you tomorrow. Are you working?” He changes the subject and I’m thankful.
“It’s Valentine’s Day.” Of course, Jesse Carter doesn’t know what day Valentine’s Day is.
“Oh, you got a date, Bell?”
I laugh. “No, why? You asking?” I tease, then face palm. Way to act cool, Bell.
“Yeah, I’ll pick you up at seven.”
“Can we meet?” I ask, not ready for Mom and Dad to know about Jesse.
“I’ll pick you up and we’ll be talking about that too,” he promises and I wonder if I should talk to my mom tonight?
“Jesse.”
“No, Bell. You’re pushing my boundaries. It’s only fair I push yours too.” I nod into the phone because how do I argue with that? “You feel me?” he presses.
“Yeah, I feel you, Jesse.” I know he’s right, and if it wasn’t for Jesse, I wouldn’t be here, taking this step.
“Okay, now go to sleep.” The order is firm, strong, and I love it.
“Okay.”
“Night, sweetheart,” he whispers.
“Night.” I hang up and press my face into my pillow.
Oh, God, what did I just do?
Fifteen JESSE
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Nix walks out into the hall, kicking a stool out of his way.
“What’s up your ass now?” I ask from the sofa, sitting up from the racket. I just got back to the clubhouse from dropping the baby supplies off to the safe house for Beau and the woman he rescued.
“Fuckin’ Red is sick. Just cancelled on me.”
“Cancelled what?” I question, still not understanding what he’s losing his head about.
“Shit. What about Kadence’s parents?” Brooks joins the conversation, walking out from behind the bar.
“They’re away for the weekend,” Nix answers, ignoring me. His fist slams down on the bar in frustration.
“What’s got your panties in a twist?” I move off the sofa and come to stand by them. Yeah he’s got a short fuse on the best of days, but today he’s wired.
“There’s always—” Brooks nods to me but keeps his eyes on Nix.
“Fuck, no.” Nix shakes his head, and I’m still not following.
“He’s your only hope,” Brooks pushes.
“Someone fucking tell me what the fuck you’re talking about,” I interrupt again, this time, getting Brooks’ attention.
“Nix needs a sitter. You’re it.” Brooks slaps me on the back and walks back to the bar. Now it becomes clear.
“So, you finally need me.” I laugh, turning to Nix, ready to rub it in.
“No,” Nix answers, not budging.
“Why not?” I fold my arms across my chest and wait for the poor excuse he’ll give me.
“Yeah, why not? You’re desperate. Everyone’s out or busy,” Brooks repeats my question, his grin as wide as mine.
“Fuck,” he huffs, knowing I’m all he’s got. “Fine.” He pauses, and takes a minute. “Can you watch the kids, Jesse?” A smile slides up my face and I beam it his way. We both know him asking pisses him off.
“Ask nicer,” I fuck with him, because I can.
“Fuck you, Jesse.” I don’t respond, deciding it’s warranted after the shitty mood he’s been in for the last few weeks. He really has to work harder, especially if I have to cancel on Bell.
“Fine. Jesse, can you please watch Low and Z?” Nix caves and it’s fucking awesome.
“I have a date but—” I shrug, knowing my club, and family always comes first.
“No.”
“You didn’t let me finish.”
“You’re not fucking some whore on my sofa as my kids sleep upstairs.” He watches me carefully but he knows I wouldn’t do it.
“Fine. I’ll do it for twenty an hour.”
“Fuck off.” He hits me over the head and walks back to his office “Be at my house at six. Don’t be fuckin’ late.”
“You owe me,” I call out after him.
“Call it even after the shit you bring me daily.” He counters, and fuck, he got me on that one.
“I want dinner too,” I put out one last demand, but instead of replying, he slams his door. “Do you think I have any chance of getting Kadence’s lasagna?” I turn back to Brooks but he shakes his head.
“Kelly and I wouldn’t even get lasagna,” he says and I know there is no hope for me. “Don’t you have a date to cancel?” he asks, reminding me I need to call Bell.
“Shit, yes.” I reach for my phone and dial Bell but get her voicemail.
“Hey Sweetheart, it’s me. Give me a call when you get this.” I hang up and hope she gets it soon. I would hate for her to get ready and then I don’t show up.
“You still talking to Bell?” Brooks asks, watching me type out a text to her.
“Yeah.” I move my phone away from the sneaky fucker and finish the message.
“You like her,” he says and I won’t deny it. I won’t lay out the whole truth either.
“Been trying to get in her pants since Holly got shot.” I deflect to save face. I know my brothers think I’m a player, and I am, or was. Fuck, I don’t even know what is happening with me, with us, but I know Bell is different.
“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you work so hard.” He laughs and he’s right. I don’t chase, or work hard for it. So why Bell?
I have no right answer, but I know I’m not ready to give her up, at least not yet.
“Uncle Jesse.” Z runs up to see me as I walk through the door of Nix and Kadence’s place later that night.
“Hey, little man.” I scruff his hair as he lets me pass.
“I’m not little.” He puffs out his chest.
“Sorry, sorry, I forgot.” My hands come up not wanting to piss the little man off. I catch Nix’s eyes and give him a slight nod.
“Fuck, I’m surprised you turned up.” The asshole likes to give me shit, but I know he trusts me.
“Shut up and give me my girl.” I hold out my hands for Low. She squeals in excitement when she sees me.
“Fucker,” Nix grumbles, handing her over.
“Hey, Low baby, you tell your daddy how much you love your Uncle Jesse.” I blow a raspberry on her belly trying to get her to laugh.
“Rub it in, asshole.” Nix moves to the kitchen while I sit on the sofa next to Z.
“What’re you playing?” I ask, placing Low in some seat contraption she seems to like. She bangs on the dials and bounces up and down, her toothless grin growing wide at her new surroundings.