“Mortal Kombat, you ready?” Z asks, handing me the spare controller.
“Yeah, ready to kick your ass.” I take it from him.
“Jesse,” Nix scolds, but I just laugh. Z has heard worse words.
“Ten minutes, Kadence, or we’re gonna be late,” Nix yells from the bottom of the stairs.
“I don’t know much about dating, since I’m only a kid, but I don’t think you should do that,” Z says and I’m gonna have to agree with him.
“Yeah, I’m with you there, bud.” I fist bump Z. The kid is switched on, he’s gonna be a ladies man by the time I’m finished teaching him.
“You better not fuck this up, Jesse.”
“Nix, language,” Kadence reprimands him as she comes down the stairs
I turn and watch her take the last few steps.
“Jesus,” Nix groans, taking in what she’s wearing.
“Jesus, Joseph, and doggy-style Mary.” I whistle, giving Nix some time to get his head on straight.
“Jesse!” Kadence scolds, turning to me.
“What? I was just giving Nix some words. He looks lost.”
“The kids.” Her eyes bug out, worried Z might have been listening, but he’s too focused on the game to pay attention to the adult conversation.
“I got them, Kadence, all good.” She shakes her head so fast I worry something might loosen, but doesn’t comment again.
“You okay, Nix?” she asks, picking up her purse. I know this night is what both of them need, so I don’t want to fuck with them tonight.
“Yeah. Just not sure if I’m going to be able to handle you on the back of my bike,” he says and I nearly snort. Man, he has it bad.
“We’re taking the bike?” Kadence’s voice takes on a husky tone, and I know the Prez just got his in. Not needing to hear his bullshit lines, I force myself to block them out. They keep talking for a little bit while Z and I battle it out in Kombat.
“You remember what I told you, Jesse?” Kadence walks toward Low to say goodbye.
“Yep, got it.” I nod watching her send me a silent you-better-remember-every-detail expression. I return it with my own please-woman-I-got-this grin. “You do know I’m a former Marine, firefighter, and badass biker. I got this, sweetheart.”
“I know, I know.” She bends down and kisses Low. “Okay, let’s go.” She moves to Z, kissing him briefly. “Call us if you need anything.”
“I got it. Go,” I encourage.
“Yeah, Dad, go,” Z repeats, making me laugh. Even the kid knows when enough is enough.
They walk out in silence and a few minutes later, the bike starts and they ride off, finally leaving us alone.
“Why don’t you have a date tonight, Jesse?” Z asks after a few moments of playing the game.
“’Cause I’m here with you.” I smile even though I wish I was with Bell. When Bell called me back earlier, she had just got out of work. She took the news of me canceling on her in her stride but told me she was busy tomorrow and wouldn’t be able to meet till Monday.
I’m kicking myself I left her alone so long to get my head out of my ass.
“What do you want for dinner?” I ask, changing the subject. When Nix and Kadence get back, I might try to head over and see Bell, make up for canceling on her.
“Mom left food, but can we do pizza?”
“What leftovers?” I ask, wondering if she left me lasagna. The woman makes a fucking mean lasagna.
“Stew.” His face pulls into some pained expression and it doesn’t make me want it.
“You want pizza, Low?” I ask, flicking one of her buttons, which sings some “ABC” shit.
“She can’t eat pizza.” Z laughs, shaking his head.
“More for us then.” I snatch the phone and dial out.
“You’re so cool, Jesse.” Z announces before the call is answered and a small ache twists in my gut wondering if I had a son would he still think that? Or would our relationship be like the one I have with my father? Those sort of questions hold too many what ifs, and the very reason why I would never want to find out. I don’t ever want to be like that man.
“Pick up the damn phone, Bell,” I grumble into the phone the next morning. I wanted to go to her last night, but Nix and Kadence ran into an emergency and I had to stay with the kids. I know she said she was busy with family shit, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to speak to her.
“All right, that’s it.” I stand and decide I’m just going to drop by. Typing out the text, I tell her I’ll be there in ten minutes. I don’t wait around for a reply, just head out to my bike.
The ride over to her place is quick, and for a second, I contemplate turning around, but I hold strong and walk the path to the front porch. Taking a deep breath, I ring the bell and step back.
“Bell, can you get the door?” Someone calls out, and before I can blink, the door is open and Bell is standing there.
“What the hell, Jesse?” She pushes me back and steps outside. “Why are you here?” Her mouth forces a smile, but her eyes don’t strive for the same effort.
“I wanted to make sure you’re okay.” I shrug, thinking maybe I was reading too much into her not taking my calls.
“I told you it’s fine. I understand,” she says, but the way she’s acting now, she doesn’t seem fine.
“I know, but I wanted to make it up to you.” I pull her to me. The need to kiss her now that she is in front of me is too much to ignore.
“What’s wrong?” I ask when she tenses under my touch.
“It’s Paige’s Birthday. We are having a family thing for her, you know…” she trails off.
Fuck.
“Sorry, sweetheart. You should have told me. I wouldn’t have come,” I tell her, stepping back. It’s not the time. Coming here today wasn’t right.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, and I wish I could hold her, tell her everything is okay, but I know it’s too much for her to take in right now.
“I’ll speak to you later,” I wink and head back down the porch steps wishing she would call me back and ask me to stay. But she doesn’t and I understand why. This is why it’s hard to walk away from her. I get what she needs, just like she does for me. I just wish I could help her, like she seems to help me.
Sixteen BELL
“Who was at the door, dear?” Mom asks when I walk back into the kitchen.
“Ahh, just a friend.” I brush it off, not ready to tell her about Jesse. I nearly told her yesterday about him, but when I got the message he had to cancel due to a family issue, I held off. I wasn’t sure if Jesse was backing away or if he really did have family drama, but I tried not to let it get to me. Instead, I hung out at home with Ava watching lame romance movies and tried to forget that Paige’s birthday was looming.
“Oh, you should have invited them in.” She goes back to icing the cake, missing my panicked state.
“They were just dropping by, couldn’t stay.” My gaze travels over to my sister and I catch her watching me.
“Oh, what a shame,” she teases, reading my panic. After talking with Ava last night about Jesse, I feel closer to her, but it doesn’t mean she’s going to stop giving me shit. That’s what little sisters are for, right?
“Yes, a shame.” I fire a do-not-push-it look her way.
“Bell, can you run and get your dad? The cake is ready,” Mom asks, missing the unspoken conversation between Ava and me.
“Sure.” I smile the most upbeat smile I can conjure. I hate this part of the day. I understand it’s important to remember Paige, but I just feel sometimes I need to remember her on my own. Hanging around pretending like everything is okay can become exhausting.
“Dad, Mom’s ready with the cake.” I knock on Dad’s office door. When he isn’t in the shop working on boats, he’s in here, doing paperwork.