“Hey.” Bell looks up when I walk back into my room a few minutes later. After Holly’s parting words, it took me a moment to get my shit together. I don’t reply, just move forward and sit next to her on the end of my bed.
“You fucked up tonight, Bell,” I tell her, unsure if I’m talking about earlier or just now.
“I’m sorry, Jesse. I don’t know what I was thinking.” She starts to cry and the need to comfort her outweighs my anger and my concern. I grab her hand and rub small circles against her skin.
“You could have found yourself dead, Bell.” I decide to discuss T and the shit she pulled earlier.
“Oh, yeah…of course,” she stumbles, and I know she thought I was talking about something else. Yeah, I’m an asshole.
“How did you even know where we were meeting?”
“I overheard you this morning saying you would meet them at the diner tonight. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop; it just kind of happened. I swear I wasn’t planning on going, but then I just found myself there. I wanted to see who these people were.”
“Jesus, Bell.” I release her hand and rub my hands over my face.
“What? You wanted to know.”
“You can’t do that, sweetheart. Number one rule here, what you hear inside this club, stays here. You keep your mouth shut and head down.”
“Jesse, I don’t know these rules,” she argues, and she’s right. We’ve never discussed any sort of rules or how to act. She’s just fitted in.
“We have a lot of shit we deal with, shit that’ll never touch you. You’re here with me, and you’re lucky after the shit you pulled tonight, Nix is even letting you stay.”
“He’s not mad?” she asks, and I don’t miss the relief that washes over her.
“Oh, he’s pissed. You’re just lucky he’s married to a woman as big a pain in the ass as you are. Doesn’t mean he won’t want to have words with you. He’s just giving me a chance to rip you a new one first.”
“I swear, Jesse, I realize now it was stupid. I wasn’t thinking. You know how much I want to find Paige. I was just excited we had a lead and wanted to see for myself.”
“Well, your curiosity nearly had some serious consequences. Promise me, Bell, you won’t ever do that shit again.” I pull her closer and wait for her reply.
“I promise, Jesse, I won’t do it again.” I don’t know why I believe her this time, when she only just lied to me, but I do. I know she’s just eager and ready to help, but hopefully tonight was a big enough scare for her.
“I mean it, Bell. You pull shit like this again, I won’t be able to have your back with Nix,” I warn, and watch her nod once.
“Good, now come on, I’m wiped and it’s too late for you to drive home.” I stand and move to flick the light off.
“So are you going to tell me what happened?” she asks, her voice low and tentative.
Pushing aside my anger, I decide I’ll put her out of her misery and tell her what we know.
“They denied any involvement, but we knew they would. Nix has given them twenty-four hours to reconsider their stand.” I climb into bed and wait for her to climb under the covers with me.
“Do you think they’re lying?” She crawls up the bed and nestles under the sheet.
“Of course they are, baby. They aren’t going to come clean and say they took one of ours. Granted, they didn’t know she was ours, but if T wants the truce to continue, then he’s gonna have to work with us.”
“So what do we do?” She sits up and I nearly laugh. Fuck, she’s never going to learn.
“You aren’t going to do anything, Bell. We have it under control.” I push her back down before she can argue, and tuck her back to my front. “Now sleep,” I order, hoping she obeys. If she keeps going, we’re going to end up talking about shit I’m not ready for.
“I really didn’t mean it,” she whispers a few minutes later, dashing my hopes and opening it up all over again.
“We both know you did,” I reply, unsure what else to say.
“I don’t want to lose you, Jesse.”
“You’re not if you don’t expect anything more than I’m giving you.” Her breath hitches at my words but shows no other sign of hearing me.
The truth is, even knowing how dangerous keeping her in my life could be, I’m not ready to give her up.
She’s making me lose my head and I’m not sure what I’m going to do about it.
Twenty-Six BELL
“Don’t forget dinner at our house tonight,” Nix calls out to Jesse as we make our way through the clubhouse out to my car the following morning. “Bring Bell with you,” he adds. Jesse stops and turns, but doesn’t say anything. Something passes between them before I speak up.
“Ummm, I think I have something planned already,” I cover, hiding my disappointment that Jesse is not comfortable with me coming along.
“You’re coming. No arguments. We need to talk about last night,” Nix orders, leaving no room for me to back out. Still needing some kind of cue from Jesse, I look up to him.
“If the boss man says you’re coming, then you better be there.” He shrugs and takes my hand. When we woke up this morning, Jesse was back to the fun-loving guy he always seems to be. Fake and content to live that life. I know it’s not healthy to allow myself this sort of relationship, but the thought of having nothing, doesn’t appeal to me anymore, now that he has given me something.
“Okay, see you tonight.” I turn back to Nix, hoping he doesn’t chew me out in front of everyone. Jesse doesn’t let us hang around. Tugging me along, we continue our journey out to the car.
“You sure you’re okay with me coming?” I ask when we stop at my car. Jesse doesn’t answer right away. I tilt my head back and narrow my gaze.
“You gonna pull any more stunts that could get me into shit with my club? ‘Cause like I told you last night, sweetheart, Nix is giving you a pass on that. He won’t give you any more.”
“Jesse, I promise I won’t do anything like that again,” I tell him, wishing I could take it all back. Take everything back. Maybe I wouldn’t have messed things up.
“Good, then no, I have no problem. You can even come with me.” He leans down and presses his mouth to mine.
“Okay, good. But I should meet you.” I push against his lips knowing he’s about to argue with me.
“You still sneaking out like a teenager?” He pulls back, the long dips in his frown telling me he’s not impressed.
“No, I’m just warming up to telling them. It’s not something I can just throw on them.”
“Where did they think you were last night?” he asks and I can’t help but cringe.
“Working a double.” I bite my lip, waiting for him to let me have it.
“Bell, that is not normal.”
“I know. Jesus, I don’t need a lecture from you, too. You of all people should understand this. Not that it’s anyone’s business where I spend my time. I just find it’s better for all parties if they think I’m hanging out with Lissy, or at work and not some badass biker clubhouse.” I nudge my head, pointing at the front of the clubhouse. His lips part slightly and I raise my brows, waiting for him to push, to tell me how ridiculous this whole thing is, but he doesn’t and I’m glad. It’s one thing to call me out on my issues, but he can’t, not when he has his own.
“I’m not gonna tell you what to do. I just want you to be happy, and right now, you really gonna tell me you’re happy with this arrangement?”
I nod, taking in his opinion, but instead of thinking too much on it, I rise up on my toes and kiss him. “What time tonight?”
“Be here at five. We’ll take my bike.” I nod once more and kiss him again.
“Okay, bye.” I open my door and get in. He stands watching me, patiently waiting as I reverse out. He stays standing there when I exit through the front gates and travel down the short road. I know he’ll stand there waiting until I’m no longer in sight. He does it every time I leave, and every time I fall a little more in love with him.