In other words, Generation Rejects’ days appeared to be numbered.
And we were all trying not to get depressed and pissed about it. We told ourselves over and over again that it was just the business. And in some ways I had been prepared for the down swing. My cousin Josh had warned me before we had gone on the road all those years ago. Josh had been working as a club promoter for years and had seen his fair share of bands rise and fall.
“Mitch, man, you need to grow some thick skin on your sack. There’s gonna be some crazy high times. You’re gonna have bitches throwing themselves at you. You’re gonna have people wanting your autograph. You’re gonna feel wanted.” My cousin had taken a drag off his cigarette and looked at me like I was about to go off to war and might not come back. He was so damn serious.
“But then one day you might find it’s all gone. And those same bitches will be clamoring for someone else’s dick. And they don’t want your autograph anymore. And that label that seemed so supportive and willing to help you get your name out? Yeah, they’ll kick your sorry ass to the curb without thinking twice.”
I had laughed and dismissed his words as unnecessary scare tactics. “Dude, we’ve got this. Stop stressing.”
Josh looked at me like I was an idiot. Which, I had admittedly been. “I hope you’ve got this. Because the ride is fun until it runs off the rails.”
Those were some majorly prophetic words.
Because it seemed that now we were just another band who had almost made it.
That sucked donkey balls.
But I had my band. My friends.
My music—even if no one cared about it but us.
And I had Sophie Lanier.
That’s all I needed.
Until Garrett had to mention her name.
“Wow, Gracie hasn’t been around in months. It’ll be good to see her,” Cole said, rolling up the mic cable and packing it away in the trunk.
I made sure to keep my eyes on my bass. I took my time putting it back in the case. I didn’t want to look at Garrett who I knew was looking at me as he spoke about the girl who had broken my fucking heart.
And I sure as shit didn’t want to look at my girlfriend sitting on the edge of the stage, watching the entire exchange way too closely.
Because she knew about Gracie and me. She knew everything.
I had hooked up with Sophie only two weeks after Gracie had run from my bed. One day I had been drinking whiskey since noon. I was a sloppy drunk. And that night I had been crying to whoever would listen about this woman who had crushed my heart. It wasn’t my finest hour.
I noticed a familiar woman sitting in the corner with a few people from my high school. She was sort of cute and best of all she looked nothing like Gracie.
So I had all but fallen off my barstool and stumbled to her table. I don’t remember a whole lot about our conversation, but I was pretty sure it involved garbled sounds that were meant to pass for words.
I did remember it taking a while for me to recognize Sophie and to recall how I knew her. In fact, she had to remind me that we had dated briefly in high school. I honestly couldn’t believe she wanted anything to do with me after that. I had been a bit of a dick.
Sophie drove me to Garrett’s where I lived when not on the road. No one had been home. Garrett was in Massachusetts visiting Riley, and Cole was with Vivian. Which had led me to think about Gracie.
And then the crying started. I was a blubbering wreck. And Sophie had sat on the couch with me and let me warble on and on about this other chick I had a hard-on for.
Yet somehow, we ended up having sex. Don’t expect me to explain how that had happened. One minute I was snotting all over her about Gracie and the next I had my cock inside her.
All I did know was that for those few moments it took to blow my load—and it didn’t take long unfortunately—thank you, whiskey dick—I wasn’t thinking about Gracie and my pathetic, broken heart.
I liked Sophie. I was attracted to her. And I definitely liked that I was able to get it up for someone that wasn’t Gracie. It made me feel like I wasn’t totally ruined.
But the next morning had been extremely awkward. I had mumbled apologies and Sophie had been obviously embarrassed by it all.
“I’m sorry. About last night,” I had told her, not really wanting to look her in the eye. I was a certified ass. I had totally rebounded on this very sweet, very attractive woman. She deserved better than that.
Sophie had taken my hand and given me a genuine smile. I liked her smile. It didn’t hide shit. It was open and honest. I could do with a lot more of that in my life.
“Don’t be. I’ve wanted to be with you for years,” she admitted shyly.
“Huh?” I had asked lamely.
Sophie had giggled and I pushed the hair out of her face. It was nice touching her. It wasn’t compulsive, like if I didn’t touch her I’d die, but it felt warm and comforting.
“I’ve always liked you, Mitch.”
I had felt like even more of a jerk.
“Look, Sophie, I’m not sure what you’re looking for from me, but I’m in love with someone else.” I had to be truthful with her. I wouldn’t lead her on. I knew how devastating that was and I wouldn’t do that to someone else.
“I sort of picked up on that,” she had said wryly. “I just know I don’t want this to be a one-night thing.”
And something about her words had hit me right in the gut.
I don’t want this to be a one-night thing.
One night.
That’s all I had had with Gracie.
I had wanted so much more than that.
But it hadn’t happened. And I couldn’t spend the rest of my life wallowing over a woman who didn’t want me. Life was too damn short.
So I had leaned over and kissed Sophie. There were no butterflies. No erratic heartbeat. No sweaty palms. I didn’t tremble when I touched her. I didn’t devour her mouth and want to consume her.
Sophie wasn’t Gracie.
And right then that’s exactly what I needed.
So Sophie and I had sex again. Which led to more sex. Which led into casual dating. Which led into something more serious. Maybe we moved a little fast after everything that had happened with she-who-shall-not-be-named.
I knew that my buddies didn’t entirely approve. Because of course they knew what happened. Once Cole figured it out he quickly shared the news with Garrett and Jordan. They gossiped more than a bunch of pre-teen girls.
“Dude, it’s not really fair to Sophie,” Jordan had lectured a week or so after I had started dating Sophie.
“She knows about…yeah, she knows okay. I’ve been upfront with her,” I argued, not wanting to talk about my fucking love life.
“What about Gracie?” he had asked.
“What about her?” I had demanded angrily. Just her name sent me into a tailspin. I didn’t want to hear about her. I didn’t want to talk about her. Honestly, I just wanted to try to live my life like she had never been in it.
“You love her. That’s what. So how the hell can you commit to Sophie when you love someone else? It’s not right, man.” I hadn’t been in the mood for Jordan’s tough love.
So I had lost it a little bit. I slammed my fist into the wall, bloodying my knuckles. I cradled my hand to my chest and glared at my friend. “Let’s not forget how you and Maysie started out, buddy,” I spat out.
Jordan had looked taken aback. “Yeah, I get that—”
My hand was throbbing and I had hoped I hadn’t broken something. That would not be good given we were in the middle of a tour. “You cheated on your girlfriend of three years with Maysie. You are the king of sordid relationships. So don’t stand there on your fucking soapbox and tell me how to handle things. I know what I’m doing. Sophie and I are on the same damn page. And G…” I trailed off. I couldn’t say her name. Shit. Maybe Jordan was right.
No! He wasn’t. I just needed to move on and Sophie wanted to help me do that. And I cared about Sophie. That was a good start.