I sputtered and almost choked on my mouthful of beer. I quickly swallowed and wiped my lips with the back of my hand. “Hold up right there! What did you just say?”
Jordan grabbed another couple of beers from the refrigerator and laid them on the counter. “Maysie’s pregnant.”
My eyes almost bugged out of my head. “Fucking hell! Are you serious? How long have you known?”
This changed absolutely everything. And from the look on Jordan’s face he knew that too.
“Two weeks. Maysie took a test right after she got back from the concert in Norfolk.” Jordan took a sip of his beer. “That’s why we wanted to move in here. We needed the room. We wanted a place to raise a family. We wanted a home.”
I slowly peeled the paper off my bottle. “So what does that mean for the Rejects then?”
I knew the answer. He didn’t have to tell me. I saw it written all over his face. Jordan Levitt may look like a tatted up badass but when it came to Maysie, he was nothing but heart. He loved that woman. And now he was going to be a dad. That turned his world—and by association ours—on its head.
“Maysie’s been awesome about the band. She’s been completely supportive—” Jordan began.
“She’s been great. We couldn’t have done it without her. Especially in the beginning.” And it was true. She had been integral in marketing the Rejects and getting our names out there. Before we had a manager she set up interviews, worked with my cousin Josh to get gigs. She was our one-woman publicity powerhouse.
And after we had started to get big, she stayed on the tour, providing all of us the moral support we needed to keep going. She wasn’t just Jordan’s girlfriend, then fiancé. She was our friend.
Jordan put down the beer bottle and crossed his arms over his chest, looking almost defensive. Like he knew what he was going to say wouldn’t go over well and he was preparing himself for my reaction.
“We’re having a baby, man. I can’t go on the road and leave Maysie here to deal with all that on her own. You know she has a shit relationship with her parents and I can’t expect Gracie and Vivian to fill in while I’m out there trying to be a rock star,” he said almost angrily. “And I won’t be the kind of dad that misses out on first steps and night feedings to chase a buck.”
He sighed and looked at me, his face set, his decision made. “Before I met Maysie, my dream was making music. When I met you and the other guys, we all wanted the same thing. To make a living doing what we loved. We were all on the same page. But now…”
“Now you have a new dream,” I filled in for him.
Jordan nodded.
“Maysie is my dream. The family we’re making together, that’s what I want from my life. I can’t stand the thought of leaving her here and going on the road. I won’t do it.” He took a deep breath and delivered the final blow. “So, no matter what is said during that phone call with Pirate, this is it for me. I’m sorry, man.”
I didn’t say anything for a long time. I really didn’t know what to say. I had suspected Jordan was looking for an out for a while. If I was truthful, we all were. Generation Rejects had been created by four kids. Now we were men who had seen both the good and ugly side of the music business. We had experienced the highs and the lows. And while the ride had been great, Garrett had been right when he had said maybe it was time for us to grow up.
It felt like the ending of a chapter. And I couldn’t decide if I was relieved or fucking depressed.
“Have you told Cole and Garrett?” I asked him.
“Garrett knows about Maysie because Riley knows. We haven’t talked about the other stuff but I have a feeling he’s expects it. As for Cole—”
“He’s too busy with his head up Viv’s—”
“Yeah. Exactly. But I think he’ll understand. He and Vivian are looking to settle down. I think he’s going to pop the question,” Jordan said and I almost choked again.
“Cole’s going to propose to Vivian? Where the fuck have I been during these conversations?” I asked in disbelief.
Jordan laughed. “He hasn’t come out and said he’s going to, but he was asking me all sorts of questions about how I asked Maysie to marry me. Then he asked if I thought it would be fucked up if a guy asked a chick when he was going down on her.”
“Was he serious? Jesus,” I muttered.
“His reasoning was that it was when a woman was most agreeable,” Jordan shrugged. “So I think he’ll be okay with my decision.” He looked at me hard. “So that just leaves you really. Are you pissed at me?”
I balled up the paper from my beer bottle and rolled it across the counter, making sure to put it in the trash can so Jordan didn’t get bitched out.
“I’ll be honest, the thought of not being in the band anymore freaks me out. It’s all I’ve known for almost ten years, man,” I explained.
“I get that, Mitch, I really do. But maybe that’s more of a reason to go out there and do something else,” Jordan suggested.
“You, Garrett, and hell even Cole, have their lives sort of planned out. You’re going to be a dad. Garrett’s got Riley and their future together. Cole and Vivian are, surprisingly enough, a sure thing. Then there’s me. I just feel like I’m going to be left dangling in the wind, you know?”
Jordan dropped the empty beer bottles into the trash. “What about Sophie? I thought you guys were solid,” he said.
I snorted. “We’re anything but solid.”
Jordan raised an eyebrow. “Let me guess, this has to do with Gracie.”
“Why would you think that?” I muttered.
“Because you’re Mitch. And she’s Gracie. And the two of you will never be able to leave each other alone,” Jordan stated as though it made perfect sense.
“She told me she didn’t want me over a year ago,” I protested.
“It was over a year ago. A lot can change in three hundred and sixty five days, dude.” Jordan looked at me like I was the world’s biggest idiot. And maybe I was.
“I’m with Sophie,” I argued weakly. That particular excuse didn’t seem like much of an excuse anymore.
“And she’s not who you want to be with,” Jordan added.
I rubbed my temples, trying to lessen the throbbing in my head. “And she’s not who I want to be with,” I agreed.
“Well, it sounds like you have a plan,” Jordan said with a grin.
“A plan? It sounds like a fucking mess to me,” I grunted.
Jordan clasped my shoulder. “Well I guess you’d better get out the mop then.”
“Y ou. God help me, I just want you.”
I rolled over in bed, keeping my eyes resolutely closed, hugging my pillow tightly to my chest, replaying the scene with Mitch over and over in my head.
The look on his face.
The taste of his mouth.
His heart in his eyes.
“You. God help me, I just want you.”
He made me feel things. Dangerous things.
Perfect, out of control things.
I should have told him how I felt. That was the moment to lay it all out on the table.
But there was Sophie…
He had chosen to be with someone else.
After you told him there would never be a chance between you.
A chance.
Chances.
That’s all we were.
Possibilities and almosts.
It was frustrating and heartbreaking. I felt as though I were losing him all over again. Because after that amazing kiss he had driven away.
“I’m sorry.”
We were always apologizing to one another. We were always making mistakes. I was tired of regrets. They were exhausting. They didn’t change anything that had happened.