I watched her walk around the room, pointing out all the new features and I knew that she’d never hear me. She would never recognize me for anything but a disappointment. I was the daughter that she needed to take care of. Even if I had never asked her to.
It made me sad.
I loved my mother. I really did. But I didn’t necessarily like her.
I heard the front door open and shut, followed by the sound of my father banging snow off his shoes.
“Where is everyone?” he called from the bottom of the stairs.
“Come on. Let’s not keep your father waiting,” my mom said, snapping her fingers. I rolled my eyes and followed her out of the room. I closed the door, silently vowing to never step inside again.
I discretely pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked my messages, hoping there was one from Mitch.
Nothing.
It hurt. A lot. Because I had seen the hair ties. I had found the pictures.
I knew, without a doubt, that he still cared.
So why wasn’t he calling me?
I reached the bottom of the stairs and my father patted my shoulder. No hugs or kisses. It was just as well. It would have been beyond strange if he had done either.
“The roads are getting slick. You’re not driving in that. Though I’m glad to see you finally got new tires for your car,” Dad said gruffly, walking into the dining room where my mom had his cocktail waiting for him.
Living with my parents was like being stuck in a 50’s time warp. I at my usual spot at the dining table while Mom started bustling around, serving the food, filling plates, making sure glasses were topped up.
This was my parents’ dynamic. Dad went to work and when he got home, Mom waited on him hand and foot. She seemed happy enough to do it, but the thought of sliding back into that mind numbing routine was enough to make me want to scream.
“Yes, Dad, I got new tires last week,” I replied sharply, waiting for the judgment. Expecting it. So, I was surprised when I didn’t get any.
“That’s very responsible of you, Gracie,” he said gruffly, sipping on his gin and tonic. I supposed that’s where I developed my love for that particular cocktail.
“This doesn’t taste right, Sarah,” my father remarked, holding up his drink.
Mom glanced in my direction. “That’s because it doesn’t have gin in it, darling. It’s lime and soda. Grace is here, after all. We can’t have the alcohol out.”
I snorted and both of my parents turned to me with narrowed eyes.
“You don’t have to hide the booze when I’m here, Mom. I won’t reach across the table and guzzle it. Dad can have a G&T. It’s not a big deal.”
“You’re a recovering alcoholic, Gracie. Your mother is just trying to be sensitive,” Dad admonished, always defending her. Even when she was a raging bitch, my dad had her back. I guessed there was something sort of lovely about that.
“Which reminds me, the new locked liquor cabinet should be arriving next week,” my mother said as she put the steaming casserole down in front of my dad.
Locked liquor cabinet? Seriously?
“I just don’t want you to feel tempted once you move home,” Mom added.
That was it.
I couldn’t take it any more.
I was at the end of my very short rope.
“I’m not moving home, Mom. It’s not happening. I’m quite happy in my apartment. I have a good job. I have a life.”
Mom handed dad a basket of rolls. “So how was your day, Leonard?” she asked, completely ignoring me. My voice was never, ever heard in this house.
Well, that was ending now.
I stood up abruptly, my chair falling backwards, and hitting the hardwood floor with a loud clang.
“Grace Evelyn, pick up that chair immediately and sit down like you have some sense,” my mother ordered.
I picked up the chair, but I didn’t sit back down. “I can’t stay for dinner,” I said.
My dad frowned, his face thunderous. “You’re being insolent, Gracie. Your mother worked hard on this dinner. Now you sit down and eat!”
“No. I won’t. I’m leaving. I won’t sit at this table and allow you to treat me like I can’t think for myself.” Deep breaths. Stay calm. Don’t lose it now.
“I’ve made mistakes. Who hasn’t? I’m sorry that I worried you. That I made you look bad in front of your friends, but I’m trying here. But I’m more than aware that no matter what I do, it’s not good enough for you. I’m a twenty-four year old woman with a good job and a place to call home. I pay my bills and I file my taxes. I have people in my life that love and respect me, and I feel pretty damn lucky. And I am not moving back here. So you don’t need a locked liquor cabinet, because I won’t be living under this roof.”
I turned and left the dining room, my heart beating so hard and fast that I could barely hear anything else.
I had stood up to my parents.
Now I was walking out of their house.
Without eating my mother’s casserole.
She’d be holding a serious grudge over that one.
“Gracie Evelyn Cook, don’t you dare step one foot outside this house!” my dad shouted. I pulled on my coat and grabbed my purse, but I hesitated.
I didn’t want to upset my parents but there were limits to what I was willing to stomach. And I was way over my limit.
My father stormed out into the foyer where I stood with my purse and car keys in hand. He glared down at me and I almost quivered under his cold, dark eyes. “You’ve upset your mother. That is unacceptable. You need to go back in there this instant and apologize.”
I shook my head. “I can’t, Dad. I can’t stay here and pretend that I agree with your ideas for my life. I won’t sleep in that bedroom and I won’t let either of you dictate my life. I love you, but that doesn’t mean you can control what I do. I’m an adult. I have been for a while now, whether you choose to believe that or not.”
My dad’s face softened for just a moment and what he said next shocked me.
“Seeing you in that hospital bed frightened us so badly. I don’t think you will ever understand, until you have children of your own, what it feels like to stand by and not be able to do anything while your child is hurting. You want to swoop in and take care of everything.” My dad rubbed his hand through his graying hair. He looked tired. And old. I hadn’t realized that until then how much my father had aged.
“We just want you to be happy,” he finished, his mouth setting into a firm line again. “But you are not allowed to come into our house and disrespect us like that. It won’t be tolerated.”
My shoulders sagged in shame. “I’m sorry, Dad.” And I was. I didn’t want to hurt either of them, but it also felt really good to stand up for myself.
“Go say goodbye to your mother if you don’t want to stay for dinner. She’ll be mess otherwise. Then if you want to leave, I’ll drive you home. The roads are a mess and I won’t have you risking your life to make a point,” Dad said gruffly.
I nodded. “Okay.”
I followed him back into the dining room where my mother was still sitting, her back straight as a board.
“Mom, I’m sorry if I upset you.” She didn’t acknowledge me. She continued to pick at her casserole as though I weren’t there.
I walked around the table and kissed her cheek. Not an air kiss. A real kiss. “I love you, Mom. I really do,” I said softly, my hand on her shoulder.
She reached up and put her hand on top of mine briefly before continuing to eat her dinner. “Your father will drive you home. I don’t want to worry about you on those roads in this weather.”
“Okay, Mom. Thank you.”
And that was it.
It wasn’t much, but it was something. I had learned to celebrate the small successes. They were often the most important ones.
“My dad brought me back to the apartment. The roads are getting really bad out there. I’m sorry that I couldn’t make it over to your place,” I told Vivian once I had gotten home.