“Too busy to come to a show? Since when has that stopped you before?”
“Life happens, Garrett. I thought you’d understand that. I’m trying to get myself straight. I have a job writing. Sure it’s not Pulitzer material, but it’s a start. No more slinging coffee for this gal. I have to wear nice clothes and use some semblance of social skills and everything,” I joked.
“That’s awesome. I’m proud of you, kiddo.” And I knew he meant it. Garrett had always had my back. My best interests at heart. But there was a note of something else in his tone that he wasn’t making any effort to hide. “I know you’ve been through a tough time. I can also tell when there’s something else going on here. I know you and I know when you’re hiding something. I’ve seen it before, don’t forget.”
Yeah, he had to go there. I winced at the implication even if it was totally deserved.
I was quiet for a long time, not sure what to say. How do you find the words to admit that you no longer felt like part of a group that you had once belonged to? I didn’t want to tell him that I felt like an outsider. I wouldn’t whine and feel sorry for myself either.
And I certainly didn’t want to admit to Garrett—or anyone— that I couldn’t stomach the sight of Mitch and Sophie. I wanted to try to ignore the pain in the center of my chest that flared to life whenever I saw Mitch hug his girlfriend and kiss her mouth tenderly.
Seeing them forced me to face how monumentally I had screwed up. It made me face how I had thrown away my chance at a happily ever after.
All because I had been scared and too miserable to see what was right in front of my face.
Love.
So I didn’t want to think about how much I missed how our Fresh Prince of Bel Air binges—and yes we’d sing along to the theme song over and over again—or how every time Mitch put gas in his car he made sure to buy me a Baby Ruth candy bar just because they were my favorite.
And I certainly didn’t want to think about how in a room full of people he had always been my safe place. He never left my side and I hadn’t wanted him to.
Mitch’s arm was slung casually around my shoulders. I leaned into him, appreciating the warm solidity.
I was tired. My head hurt. I felt sick from the inside out. It had been less than a month since I had almost died and I still felt hollow and empty.
And I craved a drink so badly I thought I’d go insane.
“My parents are telling me I have to go to rehab,” I whispered, almost scared to raise my voice even though we were alone in my parents’ house.
We were cuddled up together on the couch, the TV on in the background, neither of us watching it even though our favorite show, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, was on. Mitch had been sitting with me for hours, neither of us really saying anything. There was just something about his quiet, strong presence that healed parts of me that had been broken for a long, long time.
“And what do you think about it?” Mitch asked, his hand slowly rubbing my arm. Up. Down. Up. Down.
I leaned my cheek against his chest, finding comfort in the rhythmic rise and fall. After everything I had done, after all the mistakes I had made, Mitch was still there, offering his support. I was pretty sure I didn’t deserve it, but he gave it anyway.
And he was the only one to really ask what I thought I needed to do. He wanted my opinion. It mattered to him.
I felt the tears on my face, but didn’t wipe them away. “I think I need to change,” I admitted, feeling defeated.
Mitch sat up and turned me around so that I faced him. I looked up into his handsome face and for a moment I was overwhelmed.
I had never taken the time to really, and I mean really, look at him before. I had been completely obsessed with Garrett and trying to make him love me that I totally ignored this beautiful man that had always been there.
His hair was dark brown and on the messy side. It was often in his eyes and he would toss his head to flip it back. He’d give me a shy smile that was so sweet it made my heart pitter-patter. His dark eyes were clear and intense and seemed to see me clearer than anyone ever had.
He really was beautiful. Inside and out.
“You don’t need to change, Gracie. But you need to learn to take care of yourself. To put yourself first. I can’t lose you. Not ever.” He gripped my hands between his. His face was flushed and his eyes flashed with emotion.
“I’ve hurt so many people,” I agonized, trying to turn my head.
Mitch grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. I wanted to close my eyes, to block him out. But I couldn’t. He made me want to listen. To hear everything he had to say.
“Yes, you have. But you’ve hurt yourself most of all. And that’s not okay. Because you deserve to be happy. I only ever want to see smiles on that beautiful face of yours,” he said softly, cupping the side of my neck and running his thumb along my jaw.
We were close. So close.
Too close.
Too much.
I pulled back suddenly and Mitch’s hand fell away. I moved a few inches, putting distance between us.
“Let’s watch some TV. I need something mindless,” I said, forcing a smile that I didn’t feel.
Mitch didn’t say anything else, but he stayed. He always stayed. He was always there.
“There’s nothing else going on. Stop being such a conspiracy theorist,” I teased.
“Yeah, well I for one will be glad to see you. None of these bitches can play Minecraft like you can. They’re weak, G. Weak I tell you!” Garrett complained and I grinned.
“Well, when you put it like that, how can I resist? I can’t have you dealing with subpar gaming on your own. Though I planned to go to my mom’s for dinner.”
“Did you just say you were going to ditch us for your mom?” Garrett sounded horrified and I found myself laughing so hard there were tears rolling down my cheeks.
Several people gave me strange looks as they passed by me to go into the deli. I must have looked a sight, cackling like a hyena in the middle of the sidewalk.
“Well you know how much I love to hang out with my mom,” I said, wiping my eyes.
“Whatever. That’s up there with the old, I have to wash my hair excuse. But seriously, we all miss you,” he said.
We all miss you.
“All of you?” I found myself asking before I could stop myself.
There was a moment of silence. Just long enough to make me feel stupid.
What was wrong with me? Why had I asked that? Way to make things even more awkward.
“Yeah, G. All of us,” Garrett said finally and my heart hammered in my chest.
Neither of us mentioned him by name. We didn’t need to. The implication was there.
I wondered how much Garrett knew.
“Get ready for an epic takedown, though. Because I’m not taking any prisoners just because you’re a chick,” he warned.
“I’d expect nothing less,” I told Garrett, glad he wasn’t mentioned by name. I may have lost the nerve I had gained to finally face him again after so many months of avoidance.
“Good. I’ll see you on Saturday then.”
“I’ll be there with bells on,” I said.
“Bells really aren’t necessary. Just your badass self,” Garrett chuckled.