“God, I—I can’t stop.” Roan reared back, his face shiny with sweat. “I’m hurting you. God, I’m sorry. So damn sorry.” His eyes were wild, skin ashen. “The baby. Make me stop. Make me fucking stop.” His teeth gritted as he drove particularly hard into me.
My body sparked with electricity, static crackled between us. I couldn’t stop. Not when I was so close to falling over the precipice of a release I desperately wanted.
This was between me and him.
Life and death.
Possession and ownership.
I threw my head back. “You’re not hurting me. I trust you.”
“Stop saying that!” He groaned, increasing his rhythm until I felt sure I’d snap in two. “Don’t trust me. Never trust me.”
His guttural moan vibrated through his chest as the first ripple of need travelled down his cock, massaging me with the fierceness of his impending orgasm.
My body clenched, tightened, wound. Taking me out of this stratosphere and placing me on a shooting star. A comet where everything was happy and perfect and there was no tragedy or sadness.
A star.
Her star.
Grief tried to steal me from his embrace and I clamped my eyes shut. Focusing only on his heat and vitality. The more Roan took me, the more he pulled away. Our bodies were connected but our souls had lost each other.
I needed to find him again.
To finish what we’d started.
“More. Please, more.” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, dragging him back against me. He moaned as his entire body went bow-string tight, landing on top of mine. His hips pistoned as I held on, never letting him go. Our breathing mingled, panting out of control.
Every stroke was delicious; every motion sent me higher up the mountain of claiming the most incredible orgasm of my life.
I relished in the fierceness of him, the absolute ownership of his body on top of me. Full body contact. Something completely new.
I loved hugging him.
I loved being blanketed by him.
The first spindle and body-shivering band of my release teetered just out of reach. I dug nails into his ass, curving into him, meeting his every thrust.
Roan cried out with all the torture in the world—lost in whatever mind-warp he suffered. “I—I fucking love you,” he snapped, violence tinging every part of him.
That was all I needed.
The knowledge he loved me gave me the strength to brave the unknown future. Gave me the courage to love another just like I’d loved Clara.
I came.
I unravelled and combusted all in one go. The orgasm wasn’t just in my pussy; it existed in every blood cell, in every breath I took, in every part of me. On and on the waves rolled, mimicking the crashing surf outside.
“Yes. Yes. Don’t stop.”
“I’ll never stop.” His mouth found mine in a battle of lips. He poured struggle, love, and commitment right into my heart.
I felt complete.
I hadn’t even known I was missing something until he gave me everything he was.
I’d never be free of him. Just like he’d never be free of me.
I cried out as the contractions of my release squeezed around his cock. He shivered and thrust harder. “I’m coming. Damn I’m fucking coming.”
Roan came apart.
His thrusts lost uniformity, driving relentlessly, seeking pleasure, seeking a release. “Take me. All of me.” His orgasm tore down his back, rippling like a powerful wave over his muscles. He spurted deep inside, splash after splash.
My release kept going, intensifying as our life mingled. I found, for one brief second, eternal happiness.
Gradually, Roan slowed before coming to a gentle rock. He collapsed on top, his cock twitching deep inside. His breathing was ragged and his heartbeat thudded through me like a heavy drum.
He sounded as if he’d run a gauntlet and barely survived.
“Are you okay?” I whispered.
He snorted. “Once again you ask about my wellbeing when I’m the one who just fucked you like a beast.” He looked up with desolate eyes. “Can you forgive me for taking you like that? Today of all fucking days. I should’ve kissed you and made sweet gentle love rather than bruise you like the bastard I am.”
My hand cupped his cheek. His entire body quaked and his forehead furrowed with deep tracks. Our hearts thudded so hard the bed trembled with every pulse, completely out of rhythm, racing to a crazy beat.
Not wanting to push him any further, I dropped my touch. He’d been through enough. He’d done better than I’d ever hoped.
We’d had full contact naked sex and although he’d suffered like crazy, he hadn’t once frightened me.
“You didn't bruise me and you’re not a bastard. You took care of me, Roan. You protected me by battling through whatever you deal with.” I smiled softly. “And that’s why I trust you.”
“Doesn’t matter. I still had no control. I still took you harder than I wanted.”
The sun had dropped from bright to twilight, sending the room into peaceful shadows. Roan rolled off me and sprawled on the tangled sheets.
Every part of me ached, but it was a good ache. A welcomed ache. It reminded me that life went on. I may have said goodbye to one precious thing in my life that I could never replace, but I’d gained more than I ever thought possible.
I propped myself up on an elbow and looked at him. He lay naked, an arm thrown over his head, his flat stomach pulsing as his heart slowly calmed.
The sweat on my skin began to chill and missed his weight on me. I missed being joined.
Sadness found me once again and I squeezed my eyes, trying to stay in the moment where tears couldn’t find me.
A hand caressed my cheek. “Are you okay?”
My eyes opened, locking onto his. “No. But I think in time I will be.”
His face darkened. “I miss her so much. It’s like a part of me is gone. I feel guilty for wanting this baby with you because I feel like I’m betraying her. I feel guilty for living while she’s gone.” He dropped his hand, looking up at the ceiling. “When is it okay to let her go? When will the guilt stop?”
My eyes glossed and I flopped down beside him, wanting so much to snuggle into his embrace. “Clara wouldn’t want us to feel guilty about living. But it’s going to take a long time to move on.”
Roan shifted, bringing his fingers to lock with mine. It wasn’t enough. I wanted his arm around me. But it had to do—for now.
“Thank you. For what just happened. You gave me something I didn’t even know I needed.” He smiled gently. “I have no words. It was incredible.”
I smiled. “Remember what I told you? Sex is meant to be enjoyed with no clothes and full body contact. You’ll get the hang of it.”
He laughed, then apprehension etched his face. “I managed to fight the conditioning this time, but next time…I don’t know if I can. It was stupid to push so hard. Especially now—” His eyes fell to my flat stomach.
Terror filled his gaze and I rushed to stop him from spiralling deep into himself. “Don’t think about next time. You probably didn’t think you could achieve what just happened, but you did.” I leaned over and kissed him gently. “Stop worrying. Everything will work out.”
“He’s hurting. He needs you, mummy.”
Clara’s voice captured my heart and I sucked in a breath.
A few minutes ticked by while we fell into our thoughts. The only sound came from the surf across the road. I wanted to stay in this bubble of time forever—in limbo where I didn’t have to face more tears or plan a future that would be full of complications.
Roan scowled. Breaking the silence, he said, “I didn’t want to do this, but it isn’t about me anymore. I need to know you’re safe. From me. I need to know I won’t hurt you accidently or put the baby’s life at risk.”