“Amanda?”
Taking time to regroup, Amanda turned toward Marty, lounging on a brown recliner ten feet away. She saw he was reading a battered, semi-waterlogged novel entitled Armor and that his ears had perked up when she put forth her question. She’d guessed the same question had weighed on his mind for the last ten days since joining them at the farmhouse. Connor walked to his backpack, carrying it into the sunlight near the window. Amanda tracked his path. Gently, he sat it on the chair nearby.
“Mac? Amanda? You want me to leave you two alone for awhile?”
Marty dragged himself out of the recliner and stood, ready to leave.
“Amanda?” asked Connor.
Amanda considered the question.
“No, we’re a team now. We’re too small to hide anything from each other that might affect the future.”
“Okay, so, go on then. What’s this about?” asked Connor.
“Well, for starters, I notice you’re not calling me Snuff.”
“C’mon, Amanda, give me some damn credit. You know I can tell when I should be serious.” He approached, gently holding her shoulders. “And, this is definitely one of those moments from what I can tell. So c’mon, what’s going on?”
Amanda reached up to take both his hands in her own. Connor felt the slight tremble in her grip and immediately his knees became weak. It was as before, in another time, but he forced himself to stay in the present with this beautiful young woman. She had something important to tell him. Surprisingly, this time, he found he was better able to speak.
“C’mon, Amanda. Please tell me.”
Amanda attempted a big smile, but Connor sensed the fear and hesitation. And, he knew what was coming. He remembered the look and experience came into play, as he focused on showing the deep care and joy he had for the young woman. It was all that was needed to assist in her revelation. It did not take long.
“I’m pregnant—at least I think I am.”
“You are?” asked Connor. “You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure. I missed two periods. Never have before. And I dunno, I’m feeling different.”
“Listen,” said Marty, “I’ll be outside gathering some wood, okay?”
Marty left without another word. Neither Amanda nor Connor noticed.
“But that’s wonderful, Amanda!”
“Yeah?”
“Sure it is.”
“You’re not mad?”
“No, why the hell would I be mad?”
“I dunno, I thought, maybe… you’re going back to the mountains… to find someone.”
Briefly, the smile on Connor’s face evaporated and his eyes took on a distant stare, as if recalling the past. Amanda noticed.
“I’m sorry, Mac!” She leaned into his arms and held him tightly. She began to cry. “I’ve ruined everything!”
Connor gripped her tightly, kissing her hair. “Nah, you did nothing of the kind. Nothing of the kind.”
The embraced continued with Connor softly stroking her hair. Eventually, Amanda stopped trembling and Connor pulled her into position to face him, smiling.
“Well, I’m thinking we’ll need to add a few more new team members to keep you outta the sniping position in a few months. Can’t see you dragging your tiny little ass into those woods with a big belly sticking out.”
Amanda softly punched his chest.
“You’re not mad at me?”
“C’mon, Amanda, I’m not mad. Please believe me. And I’ll take good care of you… and the baby.”
“I don’t want to lose you, Mac.”
“You won’t.”
“But… tell me. Please. The mountains?”
After a moment, Connor released her and walked to the backpack resting near the window. Amanda waited by the chair, not yet invited. Carefully, Connor opened the front section of the backpack before glancing at her.
“Come here. I guess I want you to be the first to see some of the stuff I have in this pack. I think it’ll help explain why I have at least try to get back to my place in the mountains.”
Amanda took a few tentative steps in his direction, hesitating. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know, but her curiosity propelled her the final few steps. They stood together near the window in the streaming sunlight. With care, Connor pulled a few items from the pack. Amanda waited, watching him caress a Sony PSP and two games, each still in their wrappers.
“I bought these in Sydney when I was visiting a friend. He’s dead… I buried him and his wife in their backyard. These are for my boy… Liam. I got two kids.”
“Oh.”
“Liam would be twelve come December.”
“Really?”
“I promised I’d bring him a PSP when I came home. No matter what else I did… he made me promise on the phone… you know, before the Sickness. No matter what else.”
“Umm…”
“He was seven when I left for Australia… it was so easy to promise.”
Connor caressed the box, lost in memories. His hands shook as he reverently stroked the plastic wrapper. Amanda stood next to him. Abruptly, Connor shoved the box into her hands, pulling out a colorful package about the size of a Kleenex box.
“This is Shannon’s. She’d be nine come November. Biggest blue eyes you ever saw; as pretty as yours. Though, I’m not sure she’d remember me—she was so young. But I promised I’d buy her some Polly Pockets, and that’s what those are.”
“Aw, Mac,” said Amanda, crying.
She held the two presents to her chest and she reached to stroke his cheek. Connor took no notice; he was in another place, another time. Hesitantly, he reached inside the pack, withdrawing a small, velvet-covered box. He handed it to her unopened.
“This is for ‘T’.”
“T?”
“Short for Terry. Theresa… my wife. I… always called her that.”
The searing pain in Connor’s eyes overwhelmed Amanda. It was the first true glimpse into his soul. She stumbled toward the recliner, needing to sit, and tumbled in. Connor followed, waiting. For a moment, she stared at the box in her hand, unsure if she should open it. She didn’t want this to be happening, though she knew Connor. She had always suspected he was trying to regain family, but denied the suspicion internally, not wanting it to be true. It was logical, his driving need to return to the mountains southeast of Pittsburgh.
“I have to know if they’re alive, Amanda. I can’t not know.”
She nodded.
“I know it’s unlikely they survived, but I have to know.”
Amanda gently tapped the box top with her finger and lightly stroked the black velvet. She caught the pain in his eyes and realized that, in some strange way, the pain he felt was now her own. She opened the box and found an emerald necklace.
“It’s beautiful, Mac. It is.”
“You… you think so, Amanda?”
“Yeah, I do. It’s very pretty. She’ll like it. I know…”
The square-cut emerald hung on a long gold chain. It was at least a carat and built into a filigreed gold setting that had an elegant old-world feel to it. Gently, Amanda closed the box, returning the necklace. Connor took it and softly traced the box edges.
“I love her, Amanda. Like I love you. Her and the kids.”
Amanda wiggled from the recliner, standing. Touching the box once more, she grasped his hands in hers.
“I know, Mac. I figured as much. Now, I know for sure.”
“Don’t cry, Amanda, c’mon. It’s not what I wanted, you know that, right?”
“Sure. Yeah. I’m sorry. It’s just that…”
Trembling, Amanda spun around and ran out the back door. For a moment, Connor let her go and then followed. He found her near the small pond where they’d last made love. Leaning against a tree, she gently sobbed, refusing to turn at his approach. Connor stood a few feet away, at a loss for words. Softly, Amanda spoke. “We’ll find ’em for you Mac. For you. We’ll find out what happened.”
Connor approached, smiling gently. He wiped his eye before gently touching her cheek and brushing her tears aside.
“You know, Amanda, I dunno, times have changed since the Sickness. It’s a completely new messed up demographic. But, I’m making a promise right now that you can always stay with me if you want. No matter what.”
“Oh, Mac… we’ll find her. You and me.” Almost to herself, Amanda laughed. Deep down, she knew there had to be another woman in his life. “But, Mac… when I show up with you arm in arm, I imagine you might have some explaining to do.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right about that.”