Another slender young man ran by in the opposite direction, his arms full to overflowing with blue police uniforms. I glanced at one sleeve that dangled loose; it said, MIAMI POLICE. I wondered where they’d gotten the badges, since I had been around Miami police my whole life and I had never seen anything like them.
“Close your mouth,” Jackie said, and I realized I had been staring in wonder, mouth agape, at the melee. “If Sylvia sees any weakness, it’s all over.”
I closed my mouth and Jackie took my elbow to steer us both to safety. But before I could take more than one step, the door to the suite bumped open, and I turned around to look. And sadly for my self-image, my mouth dropped open again.
Because standing there, framed by the doorway, stood Cody and Astor. Behind them, a baby carriage with two passengers rolled into view, and my jaw dangled even lower as I recognized the two passengers as my daughter, Lily Anne, and Deb’s son, Nicholas. “Dadoo!” Lily Anne called, holding her arms out for me to pick her up, and Nicholas bounced up and down with the excitement of the moment.
And, of course, right behind them, wearing a smirk and pushing the carriage, was Sergeant Sister Deborah.
“Hi, Dexter,” Astor said. “This place looks crazy. Do they have any doughnuts or anything?”
“Aunt Deborah said,” Cody said softly.
“What, the what what,” I said, sounding brain-damaged even to me.
“Move it, Dex,” Deborah said. “And close your mouth.”
TWENTY-TWO
Have you ever noticed that every now and then it begins to feel like the entire world is a conspiracy designed to make you look like a total idiot? And if you are a reasonable being with even a nodding acquaintance with logic, you tell yourself this is mere paranoia; you talk yourself out of it and soldier on. But then something happens to make you think it’s not such a far-fetched idea after all.
This was clearly one of those moments. In front of me Debs was smirking. Cody and Astor, moving around me to see into the room, glanced up and smirked, too. And when I turned around to look at Jackie, there on her face was the unkindest smirk of all.
“What, um,” I said, and I was quite proud that I did not actually stutter, “what is going on here?”
“Dexter, you get to work on a movie,” Astor said, with a certain amount of venom, though not as much as she used with Rita lately. “With stars …” She glanced at Jackie, and then at Robert. “And instead you didn’t even tell us, or bring us here, or anything.” She looked at me now, a cold and cranky glare. “You know I’m going to be an actress, and you’re supposed to care about us, and help us learn things and do cool stuff, and you didn’t even tell us.”
“You should have told us,” Cody said softly, and that hurt more than Astor’s contempt.
“Yes, but, school is … and anyhow,” I said, and regrettably, I was stuttering now.
“It’s Saturday,” Cody said.
“You’re acting like a putz,” Astor told me. And before I could wonder where she had learned that word, Deborah pushed the stroller through the door and into the room next to me.
“Rita called and asked me if I could watch the kids,” Debs told me. “Some kind of awful crisis at work involving the euro and real estate prices in Germany. Which you would know if you ever called her.”
“Yes, but …” I said. “I mean, on a Saturday …?”
“You really are a putz,” Debs said, shaking her head.
I glanced at Jackie; she smiled and nodded. “You are,” she said happily.
They all stared at me with mild contempt and amusement; it seemed like even the two babies had learned the look, and I waited for Lily Anne to call out, “Putz, Dadoo!” Happily for me, she didn’t, and I made a valiant effort to collect the tattered shreds of my dignity.
“Well,” I said, “I’m very happy to see you all.”
I could have continued my embarrassing groveling, but Astor had locked her eyes onto Jackie. “Are you an actress?” she asked, almost shyly, which was a very odd tone coming from Astor.
Jackie looked down at her and raised one eyebrow. “Yes, I am,” she said.
“Are you famous?” Astor said.
Jackie gave her a polite smile. “I guess it’s a matter of opinion,” she said.
Astor stared a moment longer, then frowned, glanced at me, and asked Jackie, “Why are you with Dexter?”
Jackie looked at me for help, but I had nothing. The tip of her tongue poked out between her lips and she took a deep breath. “Dexter is … helping me with … a problem,” she said.
Astor shook her head. “What kind of problem could he help you with?” she said, and the old, snarky tone was back in her voice; she even snickered. “Do you have a blood-spatter problem?”
“No, of course not,” Jackie said.
“That’s all Dexter can do,” Astor said. “Except-” She caught herself just in time, looked at me, and then her jaw dropped open and she whirled back around to Jackie. “Oh, shit,” she said. “You’re having an affair.” She looked back at me. “Dexter is having sex with a famous actress! That is so cool!”
Jackie actually blushed, and my sister, Deborah, helpful as ever, let out an amused snort.
“What? No!” I said. “Astor, that’s ridiculous.”
“Well, then, what?” she demanded. “Why are you hanging out with her?”
I hesitated, and Jackie didn’t have anything to say, either. Deborah raised one eyebrow and shrugged, which was not terribly helpful. Apparently it was all on me, so I tried tiptoeing up to it. “It’s kind of secret,” I said.
“Affairs are always secret,” Astor said. I wondered if anyone would notice if I flung her out a window.
“Astor, it’s not an affair,” I said, and then, taking a deep breath, I plunged in headfirst. “Jackie got some scary letters,” I said. “I’m just … making sure nothing bad happens to her-”
Astor’s face lit up and she beamed at Jackie. “You got a psycho stalker? Wow! You really are famous!” she said.
Jackie turned an appalled expression on me, and I said, “Astor, please, it’s a secret.”
“Why is it secret?” Astor said. “If I had a stalker, I’d want everybody to know.”
“Jackie could lose her job,” Deborah said.
Astor frowned and shook her head. “Why?” she said. “It’s not her fault.”
“It’s complicated,” I said. “Just please don’t tell anybody.” Astor looked at me like she was calculating what she might wangle out of me in exchange for her silence, and I was ready to promise her a new pony, when fate smiled on me for once. From the far end of the room, near a short hallway, there was a loud outburst of angry yelling and everyone turned to look.
Renny was holding on to Kathy, Jackie’s assistant, by her wrists; she was struggling to get away and shouting at him furiously to let go or she would tell everybody. Renny said something soft and urgent, and Kathy yanked her arms away and slapped him. “I told you last time!” she said. “I swear to God, Renny, you just-” And then one of Sylvia’s thin young men was there, stepping bravely between them and speaking soothing words. And Kathy backed off, gave Renny one last glare, and said, “I mean it, asshole!” She whirled away and steamed straight over to Jackie. For the first time, her arms were not filled with papers, and she didn’t even have her trademark phone in one hand and Starbucks cup in the other. She pushed past me with a glare and stood in front of Jackie. “Sylvia said she couldn’t wait for you any longer and she was going to do Robert first-”
“All right, Kathy, it’s all right,” Jackie said soothingly. “Are you okay?”
Kathy pushed her glasses up with one stubby finger. “I am fine,” she said. “But that piece of shit Renny-”