Imagine letting him. Murdo did. Was it bullying? It was bullying. The things he said, he would never have said them to somebody else like if it was somebody to fight back. Murdo didnt fight back. The guy didnt think Murdo would fight back and that was that because Murdo didnt. So he got bullied, the guy bullied him.
How could ye allow it?
Ye hear the sizzles and sissssssss; outer audio points not getting picked up, ever more compressed; mp-3, mp-4, -5, -6, -7 and ever on to where -1 is an algorithm, another system altogether, another universe; forget awesome, awesome is human, awesome is stupid. Way way beyond. Ye dont see so ye dont witness. Although ye still know, ye still know; the stillness. He was not asleep,
a while later,
but hardly awake.
If he was he didnt know it. Not awake and not asleep. Not dreaming. So thinking. Only he didnt know it. Thinking but not thinking. Whatever time, who knows time; something in his head anyway, whatever that was, now gone. Things go. How many tunes in the world disappear forever? How come ye lose them? Ye cant just get them down and like have them there so then ye can just whatever, ye can just play them.
Ye got jittery. Things in yer head. Could ye get them out? Ye couldnt, these people bully ye during the day and are into yer head at night. At school too like as a boy, it was happening to ye and it was all ye thought about, every minute of every day, bloody bully, Murdo would have battered him, just picked something up and crashed him over the head with it. Having a wife like that, wee kids. It was just like amazing how a guy like him, how he got away with it. Dave’s daughter was great. Murdo hadnt been looking at her, if anybody thought that. When somebody looks at you then you look back. She looked at Murdo so Murdo looked back. Although it was not that kind of a look. Imagine it was. She didnt talk much but listened to everything and was beautiful. Guys would say that. She was. Just natural too. What age was she! An actual woman, and she was looking at him, and her blouse, how it came onto her boobs and ye couldnt help see the colour, how they were shaped in the material, pulling tight and her nipples, how she didnt speak and just listened, listened to everything, just looking, and her hand to her mouth, rubbing the sides of her mouth, her lips. It was so so natural. Even her blouse like white and silky. She wasnt dressed up although she seemed to be. Just how she looked, she just looked good — sexy, ye would say that, an actual woman, jeesoh, it was just how everything, like when she was sitting there too ye couldnt help seeing how her boobs were like jeesoh ye saw the shadows into the curve just so natural, everything.
*
Next day clouds were there; white clouds on a blue sky. Back home it was grey on grey on grey. Aunt Maureen said rain was expected later. She was in her room and Dad wherever, Murdo didnt look. He went upstairs with the cowboy book he was reading, heading for the lounge. But when he opened the door there was Dad in the armchair nearest the window, the best place in the house for reading. Dad called: Hi!
Hi Dad. Murdo was about to leave again.
I thought ye were downstairs?
I came up.
Good to see ye reading!
Yeah it’s eh… Murdo held the book up for Dad to see the cover then hesitated by the doorway.
Are ye sitting down? asked Dad.
Okay. Murdo went to the settee.
I heard yer music. I just mean I heard it, I’m not being critical.
Sorry Dad I was keeping it low.
I’m not saying it was loud. Dad marked the page of his book and closed it. And I dont want to keep getting onto ye. It’s just last night there we go again, ye disappeared. The people were going away and you werent there. Aunt Maureen and Uncle John’s friends and neighbours; ye should have been there to say goodnight.
…
They were looking for you.
I didnt know. Otherwise I would have come up. I didnay hear anything.
Yeah well nay wonder with the music.
Dad I was keeping it low.
Yeah ye said.
I was.
Even if ye could change the tune son know what I mean?
It’s two different CDs.
Is that a fact, ye wouldnay know it with that same beat all the time.
Zydeco Dad, it’s a style of music, that’s what it’s called. That’s how ye get it sounding the same.
Dad smiled for a moment. Murdo shrugged and studied the floor. Dad said, I’m only smiling.
Yeah well that’s the music it is. That’s the drive, it’s the accordeon; the accordeon’s driving it I mean it’s just… Murdo glanced at him. Dad it’s good. Once ye know it. It is Dad, it really is.
I believe ye.
There’s actually a wee festival coming. All different bands. It’ll be fun Dad it’s like a week on Saturday in a town called Lafayette. It’s not too far I dont think. That’s how come I’m listening to it so much it’s because I’m learning it. So it’s not just listening.
Right, listening and learning.
I know ye dont get it. Other people do.
Good for them. Dad raised his book and opened it.
Dad I’m not being cheeky.
Glad to hear it. Dad turned a page in his book and read for a few moments, then he lowered the book. What festival is this?
Music Dad, it was Sarah; mind the lassie that came to the bus station with her brother?
Ye’re talking about Allentown, the people ye met in Allentown?
You met them too.
I did, yeah. Dad nodded.
So what’s wrong?
Nothing’s wrong. Nothing’s wrong Murdo.
Well because ye’re not saying anything. Is it because they’re black?
Pardon?
…
Pardon?
Is it because they’re black?
Because who’s black?
Murdo looked at the floor.
What do ye think I’m a racist now? Is that it?
Dad
Eh?
No.
It would be pretty poor if ye did. Dad raised his book again but lowered it immediately. Something’s bothering you. I wish ye would say what it is. Eh?
Murdo gazed at him. We dont really go anyplace. This is the seventh day since we left Scotland.
It’s Thursday. We’ve been here since the early hours of Monday morning.
Yeah but we left Scotland last Friday Dad that’s a week.
Well I’m just glad to be here son I dont know about you. Relaxing and taking it easy. Away from everything. I thought you would have appreciated that, getting off school — you hate school so much this is you getting away from it. I enjoyed last night Murdo, it was a good wee night, meeting people and talking. And it’ll be a good day on Saturday too. Dad shrugged. What I’m saying is that’s fine for me, the way things have been, I’m not that bothered about going anywhere.
Okay Dad but getting out a walk.
Yeah a walk, okay.
So it’s okay if I go a walk?
Of course, if that’s what ye’re wanting to do. I dont object to ye going a walk. Dad nodded. The only thing I will say is tell me where ye’re going.
Dad if it’s only a walk how will I know? I mean like I’ll no be going any place. I wont know until I get there. Unless the shop. Aunt Maureen said there was a local one.
It’s miles away. It’s miles away Murdo.
Is there not a garage? I thought there was a garage, like I mean they’ll have a wee shop for milk and bread and whatever, newspapers and coffee. I could go there.
Dad looked at him.
I’m not saying I want to go there.
I thought ye were.
I wasnay, it’s just like somewhere to go.
People pass through gas stations Murdo. All kinds of people from all everywhere. Ye dont know who ye’re talking to, there’s a lot of crazies about. Guys drive with guns in the glove compartment. Road rage here son they pull a gun on ye. Ye get yer head blown off. You want to hear some of the stories Uncle John tells.