Declan sent me a conflicted look as if he had more to say, but then he straightened up from the wall, his muscles rippling and flexing. “Good to see you. I need to get back to my friends.”
Such cool politeness.
And then he stalked away to join the boisterous group at the back. As I watched, Lorna immediately got on one side of him and another girl on the other, both of them vying for his attention.
See, people are never who you really think they are. He’s just like all the rest, the rules girl said in my head.
“You okay?” Shelley asked, her voice tentative.
I shook my head. My chest felt like it was caving in. We weren’t even friends anymore. “I can’t stay here and watch him.”
Blake nodded. “I agree. Let’s go back to your apartment and order in pizza. My treat.”
I nodded and glanced down at my pink dress. I wanted to get it off as soon as possible. “Just get me out of here.”
I WASN’T A pussy. If she didn’t want me, I’d just forget about her, I told myself as I sat back down and took one of the tequila shots sitting on the table.
Dax sent me a wary look. “You’ve had enough.”
“It’s enough when she’s out of my head.” I nudged my head at Elizabeth, who stood at the door, a wounded expression on her face.
As a rule, drinking was something I rarely indulged in, but over the past few days, I’d worked on pushing Elizabeth out of my head. Or I’d tried to. Drinking dulled the pain briefly, but it was never enough.
I let her go the only way a guy knows how. I focused on girls who wanted me.
There’s no point in chasing a dream if it doesn’t want you back.
And I couldn’t stop the thought that maybe she was really in love with Blake but was denying it to herself. Maybe I was completely wrong about her feelings for me.
Since she’d told me to stay away, I’d seen them together everywhere. In the student center. On the quad. At her place.
I hated him for no reason other than he had her attention and I didn’t.
I lifted my beer and took a drink.
One particularly bad day after realizing Blake was in her apartment, I’d called Lorna to come over to my flat. My head had been all twisty, and I hadn’t cared who I was with, my body jonesing for a release to make me forget about Elizabeth.
I’d kissed Lorna and eventually we’d ended up on my bed, but my heart hadn’t been into it, and before long I stopped us.
Being with Lorna had been wrong. And I don’t even know why.
I didn’t owe Elizabeth anything.
But …
The clarity hit me. I wasn’t just falling in love with Elizabeth; I’d gone completely over the edge as if someone had shoved me off a skyscraper and I was freefalling toward the concrete.
She was my queen and I wanted to be her king. I wanted to sit at the throne of her body and love her forever, but it wasn’t just about sex, although that had been over the fucking moon. No, with us it was about two broken people who looked deep into the eyes of the other person and just—meshed. Call it fate or destiny or just plain old karma, but whatever it was, the moment I watched her dance in the rain, my heart had known, only it had taken my head a while to catch up.
“She’s leaving,” Dax leaned over and told me.
“I don’t care. Fuck her.”
“Yeah, right.” He considered me, his gray eyes worried. “You need to get your head straight before the fight with Yeti.”
I turned my head to see her walk away and, fuck, part of me wanted to run after her.
And tell her what?
Was I ready to put myself out there again for someone with commitment issues?
Lorna’s heavily made-up eyes slid over me suggestively. “You want to get out of here, babe?”
I tipped up my beer and took a good long swig. “What’ve you got in mind?”
She licked red lips, her eyes gleaming with seduction as she pushed her tits in my face. I stared down at the creamy globes. I could have those in my hand tonight. “Whatever it takes to make you happy, Declan.”
Make me happy?
Nothing.
You are not to think about Elizabeth again, I told myself.
I scooted in closer to her, the scent of her perfume clogging up my nose. I toyed with a strand of her hair and gave her a broad smile. She leaned into the crook of my arms and kissed my neck, her mouth hot as she nipped down the column of my throat.
She slid her hands between my thighs and pushed down on my cock through my jeans. It didn’t even twitch.
Dax slapped his hand on my shoulder. “Let’s go, bro.”
I blinked up at him, and the room spun. I waited for the pleasant buzz of beer to kick in, but all I got was an empty feeling in my gut.
He sighed. “Come on, let’s get you out of here before you do something you’ll regret.”
Lorna pouted. “But the night’s just getting started—”
I stood up with Dax’s help.
“Sorry, love. It’s not in the cards tonight,” he told her.
He leaned me against him and we made our way out the door of the bar. We stumbled toward his beamer, one big dude holding up another one.
“I love you, you know that, right?” I murmured.
He huffed, tugging me along. “Yeah, man. Me too. Now get in the bloody car.”
“Wait.” My eyes searched the carpark, hoping she was still there. “She’s gone,” I said.
He sighed and opened the door for me. “You got it bad, bro. I’m sorry it’s not working out.”
“Yeah.” The first woman I’d ever loved, and she didn’t want me.
I slid into the passenger side, exhaled heavily, and then promptly threw up in his car.
A FEW HOURS later, I felt sober. Mostly. Maybe the puking had helped.
I tried to go to bed, but I couldn’t sleep, so I got up and took a hot shower. Water dripped down as I palmed my cock, thinking about Elizabeth under me, her soft skin against mine.
I got out and dressed in a pair of silver gym shorts and padded out to the balcony.
My eyes went to her darkened flat. Of course, she was asleep. Right? It was three in the morning.
I didn’t care.
I took a running leap and jumped the distance, sticking the landing with a soft thud. Her glass door was unlocked—I had to get on her about that. But for now, I slid it open quietly and eased inside, peering around until my eyes got used to the darkness.
I came to a halt as the glare of headlights from the carpark hit me in the face.
What the hell was I doing?
I’d just waltzed in uninvited. She’d be angry if she woke up and saw me here. Right?
What if someone was with her?
Fuck! Fury rushed at me and I scrubbed my hair, my eyes devouring her form underneath the covers. Just one single form.
She rolled over, a soft sigh escaping as she settled back into her pillows.
Things—life—had been tough for me since Mum had passed, but I’d done the best job I could, trying to be the person she’d have wanted me to be. Living with my dad had shaped me into the guy I was now. Tough. Hard. But underneath, I’ve longed for the deep love between two people that Mum had always told me was out there.
I paced around her room.
But Elizabeth didn’t want those things, so why was I sneaking into her bedroom like some lad with a woody?
Say goodbye?
Maybe.
I sighed.
I had to if I wanted to keep my sanity. I had a fight to think about and she was a big distraction.
But …
Could I let her go forever?
Could I pass her in class and smile when I saw her with Blake?