“It could happen,” said Suli. “It could. If you had found someone before you joined the company, she could have taught you everything you needed. You might have been rich and famous before now.”
“I might have been dead before now, too. And Suli, knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have hired myself back then. It took the Duke’s recruit company months to train any of us.”
“But I’ve been training, with the Marshal. You’ve seen me—I’m not a beginner.”
Paks sighed. She wondered if she had seemed so—so young, when she’d joined the Company. All that eagerness. At least she had taken Jornoth’s advice, had not just run away to search for adventure on her own. She was trying to frame an answer, aware of Suli’s intense gaze, when a shadow fell on her. She looked around. One of the senior yeomen nodded to her.
“Lady Paksenarrion? Marshal Cedfer would like to speak with you in the grange.” He smiled at Suli, who reddened. “They say, Suli, that you fought well with this lady.”
“She did,” said Paks.
“We’ll have to see about transferring you to the senior rolls,” said the man to Suli. “Might make a yeoman-marshal, might she?” he asked of Paks.
“I—don’t know how you choose yeoman-marshals, but Suli is a good swordsman.” Paks stood up. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll get my cloak—” The yeoman sat down and began talking to Suli; Paks was relieved.
The Marshal’s office was slightly cold; Paks wondered why he had lit no fire in the small fireplace. Then she saw that the Kuakgan stood leaning in the corner, quiet as a shadow.
“Come in, Paksenarrion,” said the Marshal. “We’ve been talking about you.” She glanced quickly at the Kuakgan, who said nothing. What had they said? The last talks with the Marshal had been painful enough; she knew he no longer blamed her for Ambros’s death, but she still blamed herself. She sat down when he gestured at a chair; the Kuakgan moved forward to take another.
“You will be wondering why,” the Marshal went on. “I, as you know, would like to see you join the Fellowship of Gird. As a Marshal of Gird, I am interested in all soldiers, as well as the cause of right. In your case, something more moves me. It is for this that I contacted the Kuakgan, and talked with him about you.”
“Yes, sir,” said Paks, when he paused as if for some comment. She didn’t know what else to say.
“Before we go on, would you mind telling me whether you have accepted Suli’s service? I know she wants to be your squire, or some such—she’s been wanting a way out of Brewersbridge for the last three years.”
“Marshal Cedfer, I was talking to her when your yeoman asked me to come here. I don’t—I know I’m not a knight, and have no way to use a squire. I’m not a wandering free sword—which she seems to think—and I don’t need a companion. I told her that.”
“Have you any complaint of her?”
“No. None at all. She fought bravely against the hool, as I told you, and did well against the priest’s guards. But, sir—she’s not ready to be a soldier, I don’t think. And I’m not the one to train her. I need more training myself, to be what—what I’d like.”
“Do you know yet what that is, Paksenarrion?” asked the Kuakgan.
“No—not exactly.” Every time she tried to imagine herself in some noble’s troops—even the Tsaian Royal Guard—the picture blurred and blew away. “Not a mercenary—what people think of as a mercenary. Not a caravan guard the rest of my life.”
“A knight?” asked Marshal Cedfer. “A captain, perhaps?”
“Maybe.” Paks looked at her hands. “I am a soldier, I enjoy swordplay, I want that kind of life. But not just for—for fighting anything, or for show. I want to fight—”
“What needs fighting?” suggested the Kuakgan.
Paks looked at him and nodded. “I think that’s what I mean. Bad things. Like the robbers in Aarenis that killed my friends, or Siniava—he was evil. Or that—whatever that held the elf lord. Only I don’t think I have the powers for that. But I want to fight where I’m sure it’s right—not just to show that I’m big and strong. It’s the same as tavern brawling, it seems to me—even if it’s armies and lords—”
The Kuakgan nodded. “You’ve learned a lot, Paksenarrion, besides what most soldiers know. I thought so before, but now I’m sure. Do you know anything of the rangers in Lyonya?”
“No.” Paks frowned. “Why?”
“You have fought with the elfane taig. It may be that you can sense the taigin, and if so you would be able to work with them.”
“Master Oakhallow—” the Marshal began. The Kuakgan waved him to silence.
“Marshal, I don’t question the sincerity of Girdsmen. You know that. We honor the same gods. But some fighters have abilities Gird does not use. She may be one of them.” He turned back to Paks. “Paksenarrion, we agree that you have shown ability to fight evil. You have shown a desire to know more of good, and to fight for it. We both think you have been touched by the evil you’ve fought—not to contaminate you, but in such wise that you should not go back to ordinary soldiering. Do you agree?”
Paks was too bewildered to answer. Marshal Cedfer spoke up.
“Paksenarrion, when you came you said your Duke had recommended additional training—even toward a captaincy. We are prepared to guide you toward such training, but you must choose. I can give you a letter to the Marshal-General at Fin Panir; she will probably take my recommendation and let you study with the training order there. From that you can become a knight in either of the two Girdish orders—or even a paladin, if Gird’s grace touches you.”
“And I can give you introduction to the rangers of Lyonya,” said the Kuakgan. “If you satisfied them, they might recommend you to the Knight-Commander of the Knights of Falk. That would be a few years away, however. But in either case, you would use your skills only in causes of good. If that way of fighting did not appeal, you could always leave.”
“You could not take Suli with you, either way,” said the Marshal. “That’s why I asked. If you had contracted with her, the gnome merchants have told me that they can get you a contract from the gnome prince of Gnarrinfulk. Something in the way of soldiering, I don’t know what. But if you aren’t taking Suli, then—” He stopped and cocked his head, waiting for her answer.
“But I’m not Girdish,” she managed to say. Nothing else came out.
“No. But I daresay that in Fin Panir, at the High Lord’s Hall, after training with others of the faith, that Gird would make plain his interest in you.” The Marshal leaned back a little in his chair. “I think he has already, Paksenarrion. When I think of the things you have come through—” Paks thought to herself that he didn’t know the half of it. She had not told him all about Aarenis. She remembered what the priest of Achrya had said: “near enough a paladin. . . . Achrya will be pleased if I interfere in the growth of a paladin of Gird . . .” And the training at Fin Panir was famous throughout the north. She might become a knight—or even a paladin—she pushed the thought away. It was for the gods to think of such things, not a soldier. But the other way. Rangers—she knew nothing of them. The thought of more powers like the elfane taig daunted her, though she hated to admit it. And years of service, before she might think of the Knights of Falk.
She looked at the Kuakgan again, meeting his dark eyes squarely. “Sir—Master Oakhallow—I honor you—”
“I know that, child,” he said, smiling.
“If you have a—” she stopped, knowing what she meant, but not how to say it. If he demanded it, in return for releasing her from guilt for the snowcat’s murder, she would go. She saw understanding in his eyes.
“I have no commands for you, Paksenarrion,” he said softly. “You have served Brewersbridge well; you have fulfilled my trust in you, and my hope for you. Go with my blessings, whichever way you go.”