A very noticeable breath deflates Dad’s chest. It makes my heart start to beat a little faster. Something’s wrong. Something Dad doesn’t want to tell me. Just that quickly my stomach churns. The last time Dad told me something he didn’t want to, all our lives changed forever.
“Yeah, yeah. Call your brother. I’ll be upstairs in my office if you need to talk.”
Need to talk? Why would I need to talk?
I rush Chastity to the main floor and outside. Becky pulls up at the perfect time. As she tells me goodbye, I’m already dialing Derrick’s phone number. I’m pacing across one of the only other things Dad’s anal about—his lawn.
“Pick up, pick up, pick up,” I mumble, all sorts of thoughts pounding in my brain. Derrick’s sick. He’s leaving the country. Something’s wrong with Dad that he can’t tell me.
“Hey, baby brother!”
I let out a breath. He sounds happy. If he sounds happy, nothing can be wrong, right?
“What’s up? Dad was all pale and shit when he said I needed to call you.”
Derrick laughs. “Nothing’s wrong, Lil D. I have good news!”
Lil D. I hate that name. Just because he’s older, he gets to be Big D. Whatever.
“So spill it.” My voice cracks. I’m still nervous. Why am I still nervous?
Through the phone, I hear Derrick take a few breaths. He’s nervous, too. “Dyl, I’m getting married!”
MARRIED? What? It’s worse than I thought. My brother isn’t dying; he’s gone bat-shit crazy.
“Listen, Dylan, I know… Mom and all, but…”
But he doesn’t know. That’s why he doesn’t finish his sentence. If he knew, he wouldn’t be doing this. If he cared, he wouldn’t be doing this. I was wrong. My brother is a sellout. He went back on our pact. He’s going to end up just like Dad.
Unable to hold it back, I drop my cell and puke in Dad’s prized grass.
Four
~Ziah~
My jaw is like, on the floor. My sister Lora, sophomore in college, is getting married. Married to someone we’ve never met. Because they haven’t been dating all that long. I mean, she stayed in Boulder for summer school and for Thanksgiving, and I guessed it had something to do with the boyfriend. But he was just a boyfriend. Now he’s a fiancé!
What happened to all her lectures? School first, career second, boys third. Always. I’ve looked up to her because of this for years. And I know that seems crazy because I’m dating James, but he and I have the same goals. We’re both going to med school, and we both get how much pressure is on people in our position.
Mom’s smiling in the kitchen, putting dishes away before work. Since she’s a chef, she’s completely meticulous about how things are done, and our kitchen is the biggest and only up-to-date room in the house. Mom’s light brown hair is cut short, and her tiny figure moves through the room with lightning speed. I can’t believe things are still so normal after Lora’s ridiculous decision.
“Mom! How can you be so calm about this?”
“Your sister’s a smart girl.” She shrugs. Shrugs! “Her fiancé Derrick and I talked on the phone, and we had so much to say, we talked for over an hour. He really has his head on straight. And he’s from Portland, too! Isn’t that fun?”
I narrow my eyes. I’m totally suspicious for a million reasons right now. The first one being that Mom’s way too calm about this.
Wait. “Does Dad know?”
She lets out a long sigh. “Of course your father knows.”
I cross my arms and slump down in my stool. I hate being the last to know stuff.
Dad’s an ER doctor at Providence St. Vincent. He loves every second of it, and his job makes me even more determined to go to med school. The problem is that he’s home almost as little as Mom is, so I never know who knows what about whom. I really want Dad on Team Ziah for this one.
“Your sister will be home in a few days for Christmas Break. That’ll give us all a chance to meet him.” She pats my back and walks out of the room. “I’ll be late tonight.”
Isn’t she always?
Maybe I can talk some sense into my sister while she’s here. Christmas break in college is a whole month, so I’ll have a while to talk her out of it. Who gets married in college?
***
Alyssa and I are both on our stomachs in my room over our calculus texts. It seemed like a good idea to take this class at the beginning of the year but not so much anymore. She’s totally absorbed, which is cool, but she’s usually the one turning the music up too loud and teasing me about being so serious.
“Alyssa?”
“Yeah?” She doesn’t look up.
“We’re okay, right?” She’s been so… studious. And that’s a little weird. I mean, she’s in hard classes. She just usually floats through them. And here we are a day away from Christmas break, and plowing through another assignment.
“Yeah. I’m just… You know how spacey I can be, and I haven’t always made the best decisions. I’m just trying to get myself on track before college.” She sounds rehearsed and is still working her way through the problem I just finished.
“I still can’t believe we’re in senior year, and I can’t believe my sister thinks she’s getting married.” I blow out to get the loose strands of hair off my face.
Alyssa chuckles. “So, what else is going on tonight?”
“James is coming over in a bit.”
After the party, I was desperate to feel that tingling in my gut I felt with a total stranger, and I started something I didn’t mean to with James. When I met up with him the next day, I kissed him like I hadn’t in a long time and even slid my hands up the back of his shirt. He took that as a sign I wanted to go further, when that wasn’t completely my intention. Ever since he’s been pushing me for more, and it’s not like him. Or like us. I’m starting to miss our comfortable relationship.
“Oh. Right.” Alyssa’s eyes are practically plastered to the problem in front of her.
“Do you suddenly have a problem with James?” I realize it’s been a while since we all three hung out.
“No, why?” She scribbles out the next step in the problem she’s working through.
“I don’t know.” Mostly ‘cause she’s not looking at me, and I don’t know if I’m being paranoid or if they got in an argument or something.
“You’re funny, Ziah. It’s just senior year and busy.” She shrugs before sitting up and closing her text, but she’s also still not looking at me.
“Hey.” James stops the second he’s in my room, and his eyes go from me to Alyssa and then back to me.
“I gotta run. My parents need my babysitting skills tonight.” And Alyssa’s gone before I really have time to process her leaving.
In the next second, James’s lips are on mine.
“Hey.” I laugh as he kisses me again without giving me a chance to breathe. I want to ask him what happened between him and Alyssa, and if I’m going to have to start scheduling around their sudden dislike of each other.
“Hey.” His smile is brief before his lips are on mine again.
For the past month, every time we’re together, he wants to pick up where we left off the last time. If we left off with his hands up the back of my shirt, we’re at that place again within a few minutes of getting together. It doesn’t feel like it’s about me anymore. It feels like it’s about doing more.
His hand slides up the front of my shirt. This is something new as of a few days ago. I don’t stop him, but it doesn’t really do anything for me except make me self-conscious. What does he think about my bra? Are my boobs right? Do they feel like they’re supposed to? Is my skin being pushed or pulled in a way that makes him think I’m fat?
Now his weight is on me, and his mouth is on mine. I should be feeling something more. Like, shouldn’t I want him the way he so obviously wants me?
A horn honks outside, which almost has to mean that Lora’s here.
James groans before rolling off me. “I’ll walk you down.”
He stands and offers me a hand, which I take. His arms go around me again as he pulls me into another kiss.