There's lots of other guys out there that might be, uh, better, isn't there?"
I quite simply didn't know what to say to her.
When I came home from work that night my Mom was sitting on the couch watching television and working on some sort of project for work. I gave her a perfunctory greeting and started to head for my room.
"Bill?" She asked, "Are you doing okay?"
I stopped, turning towards her. "Sure Mom." I answered. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Dad told me about you and Nina breaking up." She said. "I just wanted to know how you were handling it."
I didn't even bother explaining to her that Nina and I hadn't had a relationship to break up from. By now it was starting to sound like a lie even to me. "I'm okay Mom." I assured her. "It'll work out."
"I certainly hope so." She told me sympathetically. "I really like her a lot you know. I thought you two made a cute couple."
I smiled weakly.
"I'm not trying to tell you how to run your life or anything Bill." She said. "But I think you had a good thing with her. If I were you, I'd do whatever I had to to get her back. Sincerely."
"Thanks Mom." I muttered, unsure what I was thanking her for. Why in the hell hadn't anyone told me this stuff a month ago, or a year ago, or even twenty-four hours ago?
Of course I was deluding myself because they had. Tracy in the most direct way, although I'd refused to hear her, Mom and Dad in more indirect ways. How many times had they referred to Nina as my girlfriend, either to me or when talking about her to someone else? And how many times had I reproached them for this, angrily even on occasion? Too many to count.
"Well that's my motherly advice for the day." She said. "If you're feeling down maybe this will help." She picked up an envelope from the table and handed it to me. On the front I recognized my sister's handwriting.
"From Tracy?" I asked. Since leaving for California Tracy had not exactly been an open line of communication. Two phone calls, one of which had just been to tell us she'd arrived safely, and this one letter. Since she lived in the dorms it was almost impossible to get hold of her.
"Yes." Mom nodded. "And about time too. I swear, you send them to college and they forget you exist."
I opened the envelope and sat down on the couch, pulling the single handwritten sheet of paper out and unfolding it.
Dear Mom, Dad, and Bill, it started. It was mostly to let us know she was alive and well and doing fine. She chattered on about how much she was enjoying her classes and the California weather, how much she liked living in the dorms, about her job at the campus book store which would help supplement her living expenses. And then towards the end she told us that she'd met a boy and had been dating him fairly frequently. His name was Darren Maxwell.
Darren Maxwell. I'd never heard that name before in my life, before or after recycling. But for some reason that name gave me a twinge of fear. I continued to read her decidedly unfeminine handwriting, becoming more nervous in a much more identifiable way. He was a junior at the school attending on a baseball scholarship. A baseball player. He was a sports figure, just like the guy who had been scheduled to cause her death. It should have felt stupid that I was worrying about her just because she was dating a baseball player but it didn't. It made me very uncomfortable. I found myself wondering what kind of car he drove and if he liked to drink at parties.
Troubled, I put the letter back into the envelope and put it back on the table.
"What's the matter Bill?" Mom asked me. "You look kind of pale."
"Nothing Mom." I said, standing up. "I think I'm gonna hit the rack."
I was halfway up the stairs when it hit me. I realized why Darren Maxwell's name bothered me so much. He had the same initials as David Mitchell. The same amount of syllables in his name. I wondered if they looked alike. I wondered if I was just being paranoid, if the initials and the sports history were just a meaningless coincidence. Every time I started to convince myself that paranoia was all it was I would think about Beirut and about Nina sitting alone in the cafeteria, reading a book before she went off, alone, to medical school.
"Jesus, this is creepy." I muttered.
I lay in bed but it was a long time before I got to sleep.
I tried to call Nina twice over the weekend. The first time her mother not so politely told me that Nina did not wish to speak to me. The second time her Dad told me he would call the cops if I called there again. On Monday at school I tried to talk to her in class.
"I told you to leave me alone." She said quietly but coldly, in a voice that did not promise the opening of negotiations.
I left her alone.
Julie picked me up once again, for what I planned to be the last time. Though I wanted a job at central supply as much as anyone, I could not ride to work with her anymore. I didn't know if I was ever going to be able to bring Nina around again but it certainly wouldn't help for her to see me driving off every afternoon with Julie. I planned to tell her on the way to the hospital that this would be the last ride. But before I could, she blindsided me.
She was bubbly and exuberant as I climbed into the car and she roared off with much more enthusiasm than she usually displayed.
"You're in a happy mood today." I commented, trying to think of an opening, or closing line.
"Yep." She bubbled happily. "I sure am. You know why?"
"Why?" I asked.
"Look." She said, and waggled her left hand before my face.
I blinked in confusion, not following her. "Your hand." I said dryly. "What about it?"
"Notice anything missing?" She smiled, waggling her fingers.
And suddenly I did. The diamond engagement ring that she'd been so proud of, that she'd annoyed the living shit out of every member of the class with, was no longer on her ring finger. "Your ring." I said hollowly, knowing what the significance of it's absence had to be.
"Yep." She nodded, dropping the hand into my lap, very near my crotch. "I'm free. Absolutely free. I gave it back to him on Saturday night and told him I didn't want to marry him or see him anymore."
I took a deep breath. "Why did you do that?" I asked slowly.
"Because I don't want to see him anymore." She told me. She gave my leg a squeeze. "I've found someone else."
She'd found someone else? Oh shit. "And who might that be?" I braced myself.
She gave me a look that conveyed the message that she thought I was teasing her. "You, you hoser." She smiled. "What we experienced the other night was just, just incredible, wasn't it? I knew right then we had something special going. Didn't you just feel the electricity?"
"Oh God." I couldn't help but mutter. Could this week get any worse?
"Hey," She said, "Are your parents gone? I was thinking maybe we could cut ROP today and go over to your place." Her hand trailed upward until it was firmly in my crotch. "Spend the afternoon together?"
Slowly, patiently, I picked up her hand from my lap and put it back in hers.
"Julie." I started, and then was unable to think of anything to say.
"What?" She said, confused by my rejection of her hand and the serious tone of my voice.
I looked at the ceiling of the car for a moment, trying to think. Why the hell was she doing this to me? Didn't she understand THE RULES? She was supposed to enjoy our session and leave it at that. She wasn't supposed to break up with her fucking fiance because of it. She wasn't supposed to be feeling electricity or any of that romance novel crap. I had no experience with this sort of thing.
"Sweetie," She said, concerned. "What's wrong?"
Sweetie? Oh Christ. This was getting way out of hand.
"Look Julie." I said patiently. "I'm not your sweetie. I'm just Bill. Bill from class. We had a little fun together the other day, something we probably shouldn't have done, but I never meant for it to go any further than that. I never meant for you to break up with your fiance over it."