I sat down in one of the chairs and took a look at the magazines lying around. They were outdated even for this when. I ignored them and began to wait.
It was less than five minutes before the door that led from the emergency room to the waiting room creaked open. My heart quivered in my chest as I saw who poked their head out. It was Nina. She was dressed in a pair of surgical scrubs that hid all the curves of her body. Her hair was pulled into a tight ponytail. And she looked very pretty, very Nina as I looked at her. I knew then that I'd made the right decision by coming here. I only hoped Nina would too.
She had a chart in her hand. She glanced at it for a moment and then said to the room at large, "Matthew Miller?"
Across the waiting room from me a large blonde woman holding a crying baby with a runny nose stood up. The baby, who I figured was the Matthew Miller of whom she spoke, was tugging on his right ear obsessively. Matthew's mom carried him to where Nina stood and they all three disappeared, closing the door behind them. Nina had not seen me sitting there.
Twenty minutes passed. I sat there with my hand throbbing and my brain working on overdrive, trying to figure out what I should say to her, how I should say it, and how I could keep from saying the wrong thing. I passed a thousand scenarios through my mind, laying out a thousand scripts and rejecting them all. Finally I concluded that I would just have to take things as they came. That was one of my shining abilities.
When the door opened again Nina had a fresh chart in her hand. Her mouth opened to shout out a name as her eyes locked onto the paperwork before her, her lips beginning to form together to say the first name; William. Then she stopped. Recognition filled her face. Slowly her eyes left the chart and began to examine the waiting room. It was less than a second before they locked onto me sitting there.
I offered her a smile as she studied me, as she fought to compose herself. Finally, keeping her face neutral, her voice toneless, she said, "William, if you would follow me please?"
I stood up and walked over to her. She turned her back to me and led me into the emergency room.
The ER was almost exactly as I remembered it being on my many trips here as a paramedic. There were a few additions and coats of paint that they had yet to do, but otherwise I knew its layout fairly well. I even recognized a much younger version of one of the old biddy nurses that worked in there. Despite the relative emptiness of the waiting room, the treatment area, which only contained ten beds, was full. Several elderly people were being treated for breathing or cardiac type problems. Two children were waiting to be stitched up like I was, and of course there was Matthew Miller, who seemed to have an ear infection. Nina led me to an empty room, which was actually a hospital gurney surrounded by a yellow curtain.
"If you'll have a seat here." She said, waving me to the gurney. "The nurse will be in to see you shortly."
"Thank you Nina." I told her.
She looked at me for a moment. "Why did you come here?" She asked.
"Because YOU work here." I told her. "I wanted to see you, to talk to you."
"I don't have anything to say to you." She informed me. "And we won't be speaking any further. Sorry you wasted your time."
As she turned to go I said, "I'm not giving up that easily."
She gave me one more glance and then marched out of the room. She made a point of staying out of my line of sight. But, as I told her, I wasn't giving up that easily. This might be my only chance. Though it had been more than eighteen years, I had once been an ROP ER tech too and I knew well what their duties were.
A nurse came in a few minutes later, gave my wound a cursory examination, and then told me what I already knew; that I was going to need some stitches. She told me the doctor would be in as soon as he could to do that. "Anything we can get you?" She then asked, "Some water or a blanket or something."
"I'm fine for NOW." I told her.
She left the room, slipping between the flaps of the yellow curtain. I knew that she would be telling Nina, the ER tech, to set up a suture kit in my room. It was part of Nina's job and she certainly would not be able to refuse to do it.
Sure enough, Nina pushed back through the curtain less than five minutes later, carrying one of the sterile suture kits, the sort of kits I assembled all the time in central supply at the trauma center, in her hands. She kept her eyes off of me as she walked over to the stainless steel wheeled stand next to my bed and set the kit down.
"Nina." I told her as she opened the un-sterile outer seal and folded it back. "I'm miserable without you. I miss you terribly. More than I ever imagined I would. I was an asshole before but I'm trying to change, I really am."
She looked at me impassively. "Don't touch any of this stuff." She told me.
"It's sterile and if you put your hands on it you might get an infection."
She smiled. "We wouldn't want that to happen now, would we?"
"Nina," I started again. "Do you remember when you told me…"
"I have work to do Sir." She said shortly. "You won't be seeing me again." She turned and headed out the door.
I sighed. How much time did I have before the doctor came in to stitch me up? Not much I figured. I sat quietly at my bed until I saw a nurse pass by outside.
"Nurse?" I asked, making her stop in her tracks and peer questioningly in at me.
"Could I possibly have some water? I'm awfully thirsty."
"Sure." The nurse nodded. "Just a second." She disappeared again.
Sure enough, a minute or so passed and then Nina reappeared in my cubicle, this time carrying a plastic cup of water in her hands. She walked quickly over and held it out to me.
"Your water." She said.
I didn't take it. "Nina," I said. "You told me once you had feelings for me. Do you remember?"
"Do you want the water or not?" She said testily. "I have lots of work to do."
"Tracy tried to tell me that once." I said. "Remember the time she and Cindy got you high? She tried to tell me that night but I didn't listen. I should have listened. I should have told you the things I'm trying to tell you right now at that moment. But I didn't. I was an asshole, I was stupid, and I regret that with all of my heart now."
She stared at me for a moment as I recited this to her. She then set the water down on another tray and left the room again.
Was this doing any good? It seemed it wasn't. But I was committed. All I could do was keep trying.
"Nurse?" I asked the next time one passed by.
"Yes?"
"I'm kind of cold in here. Do you suppose I could have a blanket?"
"Why sure." She said, disappearing.
A minute later Nina entered the room yet again. This time she carried a blanket in her hands. Her eyes bored into me. "Your blanket." She said.
"Nina, what I'm trying to say," I said. "Was that I was wrong. I was wrong about everything. Since you've had your talk with me I haven't gone a day without thinking about what I screwed up with you. I miss our talks about books, about life, about everything. I miss being with you. I didn't realize how happy I was when I was with you; how good you made me feel, until it was gone. I NEED you Nina and I want you to come back to me. I'll accept any terms you want to offer. Anything. But please, come back to me.
Be with me again? You told me that you had feelings for me once. Are they completely gone? I realize now how deep my feelings are for you."
She was now chewing on her lip as she listened, the first break in her professional, neutral face. She still held the blanket in her hands. I sensed that she was about to throw the blanket at me and flee. It was time to lay down all the cards.
"Jesus Nina." I said. "I'm sitting here talking about 'feelings', just like you did that day. Why don't we cut the shit? You were right about me and you have absolutely no reason to believe what I say based on my past behavior, but I'm going to say it anyway. " I swallowed. "I love you Nina.