"Wow." He said after exhaling another hit. "They've certainly made some improvements in grass since I used to smoke it. It used to take us four or five joints to get to where I am now."
"The miracles of modern horticulture." I told him and he started cracking up hysterically. I joined him, marveling that he was right, it was pretty freaking weird to get stoned with your Dad.
When the joint was burned down to a roach and both of us were flying high, I turned to my father.
"Okay." I told him. "Are you sure that you want to hear this? What I'm about to tell you will change your entire opinion of me. You will no longer be able to see me as the son you've known."
He took a deep breath. "I don't see you that way now Bill." He told me seriously. "Like I said, you changed suddenly one day. I have to say it's been for the better, but you haven't been the son I knew in quite some time.
I still love you of course, don't get me wrong, but you weren't the same after that day. So give. Tell me what happened to you."
"If I tell you," I said. "You can never tell anyone else this story. No one, never! I would prefer you not even tell Mom although I would understand if you did. The consequences of anyone finding out what happened to me are potentially severe."
"The consequences?" He asked. "What do you mean?"
"I mean," I said, telling him the same thing I'd told Tracy, "That I possess knowledge that people would literally kill for. That they would stop at nothing to possess."
He raised his eyebrows a bit at that one.
"You're thinking I'm having delusions of grandeur, right?"
"It had occurred to me." Dad admitted.
"I'm not." I told him. "Remember the stocks Dad? Remember how I knew a particular stock that was going to skyrocket at a particular time?"
"Yes." He nodded. "Are you trying to tell me that you can see the future Bill? Because I'm not sure that I can really accept that."
"I'm not seeing the future Dad." I told him. "I have lived through the future."
He looked at me for a moment, blinking. "Lived through the future?"
I began to talk.
Chapter 10
Momma loves her baby
Daddy loves you too
And the sea may look warm to you baby
And the sky may look blue
But ooooh Baby…
PINK FLOYD
Our conversation lasted for nearly an hour. Dad listened to me with rapt attention, interrupting me only to ask questions when something I'd said required qualification. He didn't seem to have any problem believing my tale, leading me to believe that he'd suspected some vague version of the truth the whole time. When I got to the part about Tracy dying in the car accident and fate continually trying to reclaim her his face paled. He picked up the roach and held out his hand for the lighter. I handed it to him and he took a mighty hit.
Dad was strangely un-offended by the fact that I'd gone on a minor rampage among the high school girls.
"I can see how the temptation to do that would be overwhelming." He told me knowingly. "You're over that phase now? Except for Nina?"
"Yes." I told him. "Believe me, I've learned my lesson. Being dropped off in the middle of the hood will do that for you. And Nina's different. I love her. She may be seventeen but she's got the maturity of someone much older. Like I told you, I plan to marry her someday."
He was however, like Tracy, strangely offended by my affair with Anita.
"I can't believe you would do something like that." He told me, shaking his head. "And I can't believe SHE would do something like that."
"Dad," I said, "At the time I started the relationship with her I was thirty-two. Who else should I be sleeping with? And don't blame Anita for anything. I found her weakness and exploited it in order to seduce her. Remember, in my first life she never tried anything with me. Only when I pushed her buttons in the right way did she act."
"And she fell in love with you." He said. "So much in love that she didn't meet and marry her intended husband."
"Like I said Dad," I told him. "I've learned a lot since I came back. One of the things I learned was that I was not quite as mature as I thought I was. And that I didn't know nearly as much about love as I thought. But I'm learning."
"And Anita?" He asked. "What of her?"
"Hopefully," I said, "My little commando raid on her car did the trick. If not, I'll just have to come up with something else. Like I said, fate WANTS Anita and Jack to be together so my little nudge probably worked."
He nodded, looking at me. "And you told Tracy all of this?" He asked.
"Yes." I nodded.
"Do you think that was wise?" He asked me cautiously. "Tracy is only eighteen. Are you sure she fully understands the consequences of not keeping her mouth shut about this?"
"I think so." I told him. "Tracy is pretty smart in case you haven't noticed."
"Oh I have." He nodded.
"And like she pointed out, she had a right to the information. My most important goal from the very start was Tracy's survival. That remains my most important goal. I thought that she would probably heed my warnings a little better if she knew exactly what she was dealing with. That meant telling her. I still shudder when I think of her almost getting into a car with her boyfriend that night. She almost did that because she didn't know the source of the information I was giving her. I couldn't take the chance that would happen again. She needed to be told for her own protection."
Dad nodded soberly. "I guess you're right." He said, rubbing his temples again. "This is all pretty "mind-blowing", as you promised. It's hard to imagine that in some alternate time-line I've lost my daughter and I'm a victim's rights advocate. And what about that Bill?" He suddenly asked. "Is anybody going to suffer because I'm not doing that? Is any good that I did in the other life going to be left undone?"
I looked at him, knowing what he was going through. It was the same thing I went through when I first got back to 1982. Your mind tried to deal with all of the possible ramifications for your actions. Sometimes you had to make unpleasant decisions or conclusions. The loss of my daughter Becky was one such thing.
"I don't really know Dad." I answered. "After Tracy died and after the asshole that killed her was given a suspended sentence so he could play football, you and Mom turned your grief and anger into a full scale assault.
The group you joined helped increase the penalty for first time drunk driving, it helped raise the drinking age to twenty-one nationwide, and it helped pass mandatory sentencing laws in cases of vehicular manslaughter. Will all of that still get done without you?" I shrugged. "Probably. Like I told you, fate seems to try to keep things in line based on whatever pattern has been determined."
"But what if doesn't Bill?" He asked. "What if somewhere down the line someone dies because I haven't been a part of something that I was supposed to be part of? What if those laws don't get passed or they don't get passed at the same time and some drunk driver who otherwise would have chosen a different path or would have been in jail goes out and kills someone?"
"That might happen Dad." I told him. "And if it does there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it. Nor should you blame yourself or me for it. If it's any comfort to you, you will probably never even know if such a thing does happen."
"But maybe I should join this group anyway." He said. "Maybe since I'm meant to do that I should go ahead and do it."
"Maybe." I agreed. "But it won't be the same. Being an advocate was a frustrating, agonizing process for you and Mom. Trying to get anything done was like trying to erode a rock by spitting on it. The only thing that kept you going year after year was your grief and anger over Tracy's death. Tracy is not dead Dad, and hopefully she won't be dead anytime soon. I doubt you can duplicate the drive you had without that factor thrown in."