“It wasn’t his fault,” Natalie argued. “If anything, it was mine. I was the one who crashed the dune buggy.”
“It’s nobody’s fault,” I interjected, “other than the Rubberfaces, of course.”
“Shut up!” the guard barked. “I don’t wanna even look at your face right now. What the fuck are you two doing all the way out here in the middle of the night? Looking for a quiet place to rattle each other’s bones?”
“With this guy?” the other man scoffed. “Natalie, you could do so much better… ”
“That’s not why we’re here!” Natalie retorted. “We left some supplies on the buggy, and I wanted to retrieve them before the next patrol goes out.”
“That’s it?” the man with the nasally voice scoffed. “The next patrol doesn’t go out until tomorrow afternoon. Why are you here in the middle of the fucking night? It makes you look really suspicious, ya know… ”
“Yeah,” the second guard agreed. “Taking a stranger out onto our boat in the middle of the night? What are you trying to pull?”
“Other than his dick?” the first guard snickered.
“I’m not—” Natalie growled, but then she took a deep breath and recomposed herself. “I just need the supplies from the buggy. Hunter’s only been with us for a few hours, so he doesn’t even have a cot or tent to sleep in.”
“Not our problem.” The second man shrugged. “You were the ones who decided to party the night away instead of setting him up with a dwelling like a responsible adult.”
“I am a responsible adult!” the blonde woman spat. “I was celebrating the life of our fallen brother. What were you two ‘responsible adults’ doing during that time, hmm? Drinking out here alone and jerking each other off in the hull?”
“We were tasked with guarding our ship,” the second guard hissed. “You know, so that nobody stole our precious cargo out from under us?”
Uff-dah. I could see this situation was quickly getting out of control, and it was about to boil over if I didn’t intervene.
I may not have known much about the Scavenger way of life or their daily routines or anything like that, but there was one thing all my years of pest control had prepared me for.
How to deal with angry customers who were seconds away from tearing my head off.
“Whoa, whoaaaaaa,” I said as I put on my best “customer service” voice and stepped in between Natalie and the guard. “Let’s all just simmer down here. Surely we don’t need to resort to screaming at each other?”
Both the guards and Natalie went silent as they looked at each other with perplexed eyes. A long moment passed where nobody said a word, until the man on the right finally spoke up.
“Is this guy serious?” he asked Natalie as he gestured to me with his thumb.
“When it comes to defusing potential problems between coworkers,” I played it up, “I’m always serious.”
“Hunter?” Natalie whispered. “What are you—”
“Co-workers?” the man on the left scoffed. “This guy and me? I’m a fucking Scavenger General. I’m two whole ranks ahead of this guy here.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” the other guard demanded. “We do the same shit night after night, together. You think just because you got some fancy-ass title you’re better than me?”
“I never said ‘better.’” The first man shrugged. “Just more qualified, that’s all.”
“What the fuck, dude?” the man on the right growled.
“You know, gentlemen… ” I continued my diffusive charade, “if there’s some confusion as to who’s got authority over who, you might want to go talk to Marcus. He could sort this all out for you once and for all.”
“Are you trying to pull one over on us?” the left guard demanded as he narrowed his eyes at me. “You think we’re a buncha idiots?”
“I would never imply that,” I lied as I put my hands up and shook my head as sincerely as I could. “I’m just saying that, when you have an organization as hierarchical as the Scavengers, things can get a little confusing from time to time… ”
I gave Natalie’s shoulder a quick nudge and hoped she’d play along.
After she shot me a scowl that could peel paint, the blonde woman must have realized what I was trying to do.
“You know… I’m technically a Scavenger Quartermaster,” she explained. “I out-rank both of you, so neither of you guys should be questioning me.”
Quartermaster outranks General? This really was a strange dimension.
“Uh-uh, Natalie.” The man on the right shook his head. “You’re not getting through, no matter how many of your fancy credentials you flash in our faces. Marcus told us to guard the boat, so that’s what we’re doing.”
“So, you guys just listen to everything Marcus says?” I tried to fish for a solution. “Without question.”
“Duh,” the guard scoffed. “You really still got a lot to learn, stranger.”
“You’re in luck, then,” I admitted. “Because Marcus is the one who told us to retrieve the stuff from the dune buggy. It’s apparently very important to him.”
The guards looked skeptical, but there was something else plastered onto their stupid faces.
Fear. Just name-dropping the Scavenger leader was enough to make them reconsider our suggestion.
“Why didn’t you start with that?” the left guard asked as he frowned at me suspiciously.
“It’s the golden rule of negotiating,” I chuckled, “don’t name drop until you absolutely have to. It makes you look desperate.”
“He needs the stuff in that dune buggy,” Natalie pleaded. “It’s very important.”
“What is it, then?” the man on the right questioned. “I can go get it for ya if it’s really so important.”
Dang. That didn’t work out as well as I’d hoped.
“Marcus was very adamant we were the ones to deliver it to him,” Natalie lied. “If you’d just—”
“And you will deliver it to him,” the guard snorted. “But Joey here’s gonna be the one who grabs it off the vehicle. You know the rules, Natalie. Nobody enters the boat at night.”
I could see Natalie was fuming underneath her faux calm demeanor. She was ready to just snap and beat the crap out of both these guys, and I needed to intervene before we got into a scuffle we might not win.
“Look,” I sighed and feigned annoyance, “I know you’re just trying to do your jobs, but so are we. Marcus wanted us to be the only ones to handle the precious cargo in that dune buggy, and we’re not going to let anyone else touch it. So, please, just let us do what we need to do, and we can all walk away happy. More importantly, Marcus can walk away happy.”
“You remember what happens when Marcus isn’t happy… ” Natalie reminded the guards.
Both of the men looked at each other and gulped. Finally, the one named Joey let out a deep sigh.
“Looks like we got ourselves a Texas-style standoff here,” he observed. “Tell you what… You guys all stay right here, and I’ll go talk to Marcus. Then, once I get the okay straight from the source, I’ll consider letting you on board.”
“Fine,” Natalie huffed.
It wasn’t what we had hoped for, but it was a start.
Joey continued to grumble to himself as he wandered past us and headed down the pier.
It’d take him a little bit to get to Marcus’ dwelling, but the clock had now started.
Think, Hunter… I guess if killing them with kindness and name-dropping the manager didn’t work, I was gonna have to go full-on manipulative.
“Why are you letting him go?” I demanded as I turned back to the remaining guard. “You know what he’s going to do, right? He’s going straight to Marcus, and then he’s going to promptly throw you under the bus.”