She rocked in the chair, held the elephant to her breast.
"Then he got a creepy smile. Said sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands, how no one knows what's right or wrong unless they're in your shoes. How maybe there really is no right or wrong, just rules that people take on because they're too scared to make their own decisions. He said helping Helen was the noblest thing he'd ever done."
She squeezed the elephant harder and its tiny face compressed to something grotesque. "I'm so scared. What if he did another Helen?"
"No reason to believe that," I said, lying because now I had an explanation for why Mate hadn't claimed Joanne. I went on in my best therapist voice: "He's upset, just as you are. Things will settle down, Eric will settle down."
My voice and my brain diverged as I continued to comfort, thinking all the while: mother and son, guilt, expiation. Joanne and Eric planning… Eric taking pictures because he knew she'd be leaving soon, wanted to grasp every opportunity for memorial.
Too sickening to contemplate, but I couldn't stop contemplating. I hoped the revulsion hadn't found its way into my voice. Must have faked it okay because Stacy stopped crying.
"Everything will be fine?" she said in a little girl's voice.
"Just hang in there."
She smiled. Then the smile turned into something fearful and ugly. "No, it won't. It will never be fine."
"I know it seems like that right now-"
"Hey," she said, "Eric's right. Nothing's complicated. You're born, life sucks, you die." She ripped a cuticle bloody, licked the wound, picked some more.
"Stacy-"
"Words," she said. "They sound nice."
"They're true, Stacy."
"I wish… Things will be better?" More need than challenge.
"Yes," I said. Lord help me.
New kind of smile. "I'm definitely not going to Stanford. I have to find my own place… Thank you, Dr. Delaware, this has been-"
Her words were cut off by sounds from below.
From the front of the house, loud enough to filter upstairs and through the door to her bedroom. Screams and percussion, frantic footsteps, more screams-bellows.
The pretty music of shattering glass.
CHAPTER 28
I RAN OUT, rushed down the stairs, followed the noise.
The living room. Figures in black.
Two figures, crouched combatively.
Richard shouted, "What the fuck have you done?" and advanced on his son.
Eric waved a baseball bat.
Behind the boy stood what remained of the display cases. Ravaged, the brass dented, glass doors splintered and ragged. Glass spikes and shards on the carpet, glittery dust like raw diamonds. Broken pottery within the cases and on the floor. Horses and camels and little human figurines turned to rubble.
Richard got closer. His mouth was open. His breath rasped.
Eric panted also. He gripped the bat with both hands. "Don't even think about it."
"Put it down!" Richard commanded.
Eric didn't move.
"Put it the fuck down!"
Eric laughed and took another swing at the porcelain. Richard rushed forward, threw himself at the bat, managed to get hold of it as Eric grunted and struggled to wrestle control.
The two of them fell to the floor, entwined black clothes coating with glass and dust. I dived in, mindful of the bat, aiming for the bat. Reaching it, feeling hardwood, sweaty and gritty, the crunch underneath as fragments bit into my knees. I tugged at the bat. Some give, then resistance. A fist landed on my jaw but I kept my grip.
Eric and Richard kept growling and spitting, flailing at each other, me, anyone, anything.
Another pair of hands entered the fray.
"Stop!"
I extricated myself. Joe Safer stood there, hands pressed to his cheeks, eyes aflame. Eric and Richard were concentrating on ownership of the bat. "Stop, you idiots, or I'm walking out permanently and leaving you all to your misery!"
Richard stopped first. Eric kept growling but his hands loosened, and Safer and I both rushed forward and pulled the bat away from him.
Richard sat down on the floor, letting the ruins of his collection fall through his fingers. He looked stunned- anesthetized. Tiny cuts flecked his face and his hands, one eye was swollen. A few feet away, Eric was down on his knees, looking out at nothing. Other than a split lip, he showed no obvious injury. My jaw was throbbing and I touched it. Hot, starting to swell, but I could move it, nothing broken.
"For God's sake," said Safer. "Look what you've done to the doctor. What's the matter with you people? Are you savages?"
Eric smiled. "We're the elite. Pathetic, huh?"
Safer pointed a finger at him. "You be quiet, my friend. You keep that mouth of yours shut-don't you dare interrupt me-"
"Why should-"
"Eh-eh, don't test me, young man. One more problem and I'm calling the police and having you hauled into jail. And I can keep you there, you'd better believe I can."
"Who ca- "
"You'll care. Within an hour you'll be anally raped and worse. Now zip the lip!"
Eric's hands began to shake. He glanced at the havoc he'd created. Smiled. Started to cry.
No one talked. Safer took in the ruin and shook his head.
"I'm so sorry," he said to me. "Are you all right?"
"I'll be fine."
"Eric," Richard pleaded. "Why? What have I done to you?"
Eric looked at Safer, requesting permission to talk. Safer said, "Why, indeed, Eric?"
Eric faced Richard. Mumbled something.
"What? "said Richard.
"Sorry."
"Sorry," Richard echoed. "That's it?"
Louder mumble.
"Speak up, for God's sake," said Richard. "What the hell led you to…" He shook his head, let it drop.
"Sorry, Daddy," said Eric. "Sorry, sorry, sorry."
Eric began to sob. Richard moved to comfort him, thought better of it, plopped back down.
"Why, son?" he said.
"Forgiveness," said Eric. "Forgiveness is all."
Richard had turned pale again. A bad-looking pale, green around the edges. He picked up a pottery fragment. Green and blue and chartreuse. Part of a horse's face.
"Oh my God," said a voice from behind us.
Stacy stood at the entrance to the living room. Hands at her side, eyes so bugged they seemed ready to take off in orbit.
Just moments ago, hearing talk about finding her own way, I'd allowed myself a small hit of self-congratulation. Now, any victory was a joke, demolished as surely as thousand-year-old pottery drawn from the grave.
"No," said Stacy.
"Dear?" said Safer.
When she didn't answer, he said, "No what?"
She didn't seem to hear him, had turned to me.
"No," she said. "I don't want any more of this."
"And you don't have to take any more, dear," said Safer. "You're certain that jaw's okay, Doctor?"
"I'll survive."
"Richard," he said, "is your maid in the house?"
"No," muttered Richard. "Night off."
"Stacy, please get the doctor an ice pack."
Stacy said, "Absolutely," and left.
Safer faced Richard and Eric: "Now the two of you will clean up this terrible mess and I'll figure out if you deserve my further involvement in your case, Richard."
"Please," said Richard.
"Just clean it up," ordered Safer. "Do something useful. Do something together."
He shepherded me out of the room, through the dining room and into the kitchen. One of those vast white lacquer and black granite setups-what realtors call catering kitchens. Another L.A. pretense: upscale isolates staking claim to sociability.
Stacy was wrapping ice cubes in a towel. "One second."
"Thank you, dear," said Safer, as she brought it over. I pressed the cloth to my face.
"I'm so sorry," she told me. "So, so sorry."
"No big deal," I said. "It's really nothing."
The three of us stood there. Listening. No sound through the kitchen door.
Safer said, "Please go up to your room, Stacy. I need to confer with the doctor."
She complied.