The top score one could get on an original machine was 99,990. The game never ended, so you could keep playing past that, and the score would cycle over and over. My record was 879,460.
Sure enough, it popped up.
Frogger – 1981 Video Game Cabinet Version (result hidden due to filters)
Skilclass="underline" 8.
I grinned at that. I wondered why that skill was hidden by the filters, but things like Lacing Boots - Skilclass="underline" 3 wasn’t. It probably only included skills useful in the dungeon. I doubted there would be a Frogger machine in one of these hallways.
But that wasn’t true, was it? Assuming it hadn’t been tossed in a landfill, that old Frogger machine was down here somewhere. At least the atoms of it or whatever. This dungeon was literally made out of items built by human civilization. I sighed. It was hard to comprehend.
“Really, Carl,” a new voice said. It was female, sultry yet pompous at the same time. “If you’re going to insist upon wearing that hideous cloak in public, you might want to do yourself the dignity of putting pants on first. I just can't fathom why Miss Beatrice hired you in the first place.”
I looked wildly about for the speaker, expecting to find someone dressed like a medieval princess.
Instead, all I saw was the cat.
7
“Uh, Donut?” I said, looking down at the cat.
Mordecai stood beside me, mouth agape.
Despite being nothing but a pile of goo just a few minutes earlier, the cat appeared to be exactly the same as before. Maybe she had gotten a little bigger, but not by much. Either way, she was still decidedly a cat.
Except for the talking part.
“First off, Carl, my name is ‘GC, BWR, NW Princess Donut the Queen Anne Chonk,’ and I’m going to have to insist you call me by my proper title. I will accept just Princess or even Princess Donut but not if we are in the presence of high company.” She looked at Mordecai as if he was something she had just vomited upon the floor. “I suppose Princess Donut will do for now.”
“I see what’s happened,” Mordecai said after a moment. “You’re partied with her, so you can see for yourself. Pull up her stats.”
I clicked on the party menu, and then I clicked on Donut’s stats.
Strength: 11
Intelligence: 11
Constitution: 2
Dexterity: 8
Charisma: 25
“What the hell?” I said. She was stronger and more intelligent than me. And her charisma was just ridiculous. “What happened?”
“Her stats were all one. All except dexterity, which was always eight and charisma which was five. Whatever buff you gave her kept her race but changed her stats. Hmm let me look…. Yes, it’s like I thought. Look in her health menu. It shows conditions.”
I clicked over, and under Buffs it read:
Enhanced Growth.
After an initial boost to four random stats, all additional levels will automatically grant +1 to Strength and Intelligence. Charisma will gain +2 per level. No additional stat points will be received upon level-up.
“Wait,” I said. “So she’s getting four stat points per level instead of three?”
“Yes,” Mordecai said. “And she doesn’t have to wait until she picks a class before they disburse. But that boost is a double-edged sword. She’s forever stuck with a constitution of two and a dexterity of eight unless she can find some gear that will enhance it or if she picks a race and class that changes it for her. But even then, the points will still distribute as indicated.” He grunted. “With a charisma like that, she should consider a bard-based class. Two points every level is going to add up fast. I’m immune to the effects of her charisma. Same with you and other crawlers. But all the other NPCs and mobs won’t be. For the first several floors, that number is huge. Bigger than you realize.”
“But how can she talk? She’s still a cat!”
“I am right here you know,” Donut said. “It’s quite rude to talk about me as if I’m not in the room. And if you must know, Carl, for me, I hear your speech as it should be heard. And you hear mine as that disgusting monkey grunting you call English. I imagine this other creature hears it as squeaks and vermin hisses. This whole translation system is quite elegant, I must admit.”
“I’m gonna have to start the tutorial all over,” Mordecai said. “She’s not a pet anymore. She’s now classified as a regular crawler.”
“Not necessary. I heard everything you said to my manservant,” Donut said. “Now wave your hand and grant me access to my prize boxes so we can get this farce rolling.”
“Manservant?” I said.
“He’s a little slow,” Donut said to Mordecai. “Intelligence of only three. Sad, really. But he’s been with the family for a while now, and I just can’t see myself letting him go.”
“I’ve activated your menus,” Mordecai said. “Oh, wow.” He looked at me. “She received a Legendary Quadruped box for being the first cat to enter the dungeon.”
I watched as a group of loot boxes lined up in front of her just as they had done with me. She only had five of them. Three bronze ones with a couple healing potions and torches. Next was a silver adventurer box that contained a book and a pile of pet biscuits. The note over the book read:
Tome of Magic Missile
Next came the legendary box. The symbol on the front was of a lion thing. Only a single item came out. A small, jeweled tiara. The cat-sized crown glittered with smoky, dark gems. The deep purple stone in the center swirled internally with clouds, as if the center was liquid.
Enchanted Crown of the Sepsis Whore.
“That sounds ominous,” I said.
“Wait until you read the description,” Mordecai muttered. The item disappeared into her inventory. The cat sat down and started to groom herself.
“Are boxes custom tailored to the person?” I asked as I pulled up the party menu. I quickly found I couldn’t examine items in Donut’s inventory. Only items she had equipped.
“Sort of,” Mordecai said. “You’ll receive items that can be used by your race, but not necessarily your class. So a human barbarian might receive a necromancer staff.”
Donut glowed a bright red.
Mordecai turned to the cat, raising his hand. “Ah, Princess Donut, I see you taught yourself the Magic Missile spell already. That’s good, good. In case you didn’t know, tomes will permanently teach you the spell, and scrolls will just cast it once. That other item you received is quite valuable and powerful. But it is also a very dangerous item. Before you decide to put it on, you should take special note that it…”
Poof! The crown magically appeared on her head.
Mordecai lowered his hand, sighing.
“How the hell did she do that?” I asked. I’d had to manually put on my cloak and shirt.
“She’s a quadruped, so she has a different user interface than you. She can perform many actions directly from her menu.”
Now that it was equipped, I could examine the tiara’s properties.
Enchanted Crown of the Sepsis Whore.
Who’s a dirty girl? You’re a dirty girl!