And the winner is, The Royal Court of Princess Donut!
Our two mugshots filled my vision with Winner! stenciled over it.
The remaining cockroaches all dropped dead. The door burst into shards. The music stopped. I leaned up against the stinking woman’s dead body, and I tried not to vomit bacon and eggs all over myself.
12
“Explain these bosses to me,” I asked Mordecai. I fingered the chain wrapped around my right fist.
We found a tutorial guild about a quarter mile from where we’d killed the Hoarder. Her body had only dropped a single piece of loot, a scrap of paper called a Neighborhood Map. It didn’t disappear when I looted it, and Donut was able to grab one for herself.
The moment I touched it, about a square mile of my minimap automatically populated. I could zoom out and see all the red dots in the area—there were hardly any now. A couple of rooms with white dots appeared, and upon closer inspection, they were all tutorial guilds, all with Mordecai inside. Other than Donut, there weren’t any other blue dots visible in this area.
There was, however, the X of a corpse on the very edge of the giant neighborhood square, right on the edge of the main corridor. This X was different. It was twice the size and pulsing. I hovered over it, and it said. Corpse of Crawler Rebecca W - Level 3.
I didn’t know how long she’d been there or how she died, but she’d been killed less than 200 meters from the safe room.
“Let’s go loot her corpse!” Donut said the moment she saw it on her map.
“I want to talk to Mordecai first,” I said. I noted the location of the closest tutorial guild, and we angled over there.
We opened the door to the guild to find Mordecai on his cot asleep. He had that photo of his brother cradled in his rat arm, and a pile of empty bottles littered the floor. The upset urn had been fixed, and the ashes all cleaned up.
“There are six main types of bosses,” Mordecai said after we woke him up. His voice slurred ever so slightly, and I could smell the alcohol on his breath. “Neighborhood, Borough, City, Province, Country, and Floor bosses. There are also others, but those are called elites. You won’t need to worry about them just yet.”
“So that thing we just fought was the most common type of boss?”
“Yes,” Mordecai said. “And now you’ll know how to recognize their lair. It’ll probably be pretty obvious to you from now on. The neighborhood bosses are the easiest to kill and easiest to find.”
“Easy,” I grumbled. My now-healed legs and fist still ached with phantom pain. “The one we fought, she was obviously a person from our world. Is it always going to be like that?”
I hadn’t understood a word the woman was saying, and I was glad for it. I already had enough trouble sleeping. Mordecai didn’t answer for several moments, like he was trying hard to think of a proper response. “No, not always,” he said finally. “There will be a lot of… recycling… from previous iterations of the game. Some will be human stock, but most won’t be, or even human from this world. Or they will be human, but it won’t be as obvious.”
“It was quite the disappointing battle,” Donut said. “A Bronze Boss box? That deserved a Legendary at least.”
We hadn’t opened our boxes yet.
“All bosses drop persistent loot, and their corpses stay there for any crawler to pick it up. A neighborhood boss will drop a neighborhood map, as you’ve discovered. Higher bosses will drop other public items, which I’m not allowed to tell you about yet. But,” Mordecai added, “the ones who actually kill the boss also receive an achievement and a Boss Box. Bronze for Neighborhood, Silver for Borough, and so forth. Also, as you can now see, there’s a bronze star after your name in all notifications. You’ll get a star after each boss you kill.”
“Are there harder bosses on this level?” I said. “It’s not exactly fair. Most of us can level up, but we don’t get anything out of it until we can distribute the points.”
“The first three levels won’t have any of the Province, Country, or Floor bosses, but there are some powerful bosses out there. They’re meant to be taken on by larger groups than just two crawlers. You can’t run from most boss fights, not on the early floors, so be careful.”
“Okay, I’m opening my boxes,” Donut announced, turning away.
I had 15 achievements and seven boxes to open, including that boss box and the Gold Crowd Control box. While Donut grunted with annoyance at all the torches and pet biscuits, I turned back to Mordecai.
“Is it normal? This number of achievements?”
He nodded. “It’s not normal to get that Legendary box you did, but the first three floors are designed to drown you in low-tier loot and achievements and beginner skills. By the time you have to choose a class, you should have a good idea what’s going to work for you. Once you hit the fourth floor, the achievements are harder to come by.”
“A spell book!” Donut cried when she opened her Bronze Boss Box. I didn’t have time to read the description before she glowed, indicating she’d already applied it to herself.
A moment later, Donut cried with rage.
Mordecai grunted with amusement.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Little one, you really must examine these items before you equip or apply them,” he said.
Donut glowered. “It’s a stupid spell.”
“It’s a very useful spell,” Mordecai said. He turned to me. “She just learned a spell called Torch. It makes a curl of light follow you around. The more she uses it, the more powerful it’ll become.”
“It’s a good spell,” I agreed.
I pulled up my notifications. I was awash with odd skills, like a skill level increase in dumpster diving and jump attacking. One was particularly interesting:
You’ve gained a skill level! Iron Punch level 3.
When simple brutality isn’t enough. Newsboy cap not included.
With a skill like this, you can always find work as a 1920s street tough or a collection agent for a bookie.
War gauntlets and lumpers will protect your hands and enhance your punching damage without losing your bare-knuckle bonus. Each level of this skill increases the enhanced fist damage bonus by an additional 10%.
If I was going to utilize my bare knuckle skill, I really needed to find something to protect my fists. Breaking my fingers every time I punched something was not a good long-term plan.
My lower tier boxes were all crap. The last three were more interesting.
Bronze Boss Box (5/7)
Tome of Wisp Armor
Silver Goblin Box (6/7)
Stick of Dynamite X5
Lighter
Satchel of Gunpowder
Gold Crowd Control Box (7/7)
Enchanted Spiked Kneepads of the Shade Gnoll Riot Forces
Scroll of Confusing Fog X3
Potion of Iron Skin X5
“That tome is a good find, but it costs 5 mana to cast it, and you only have three right now. I would hold onto it until you decide what your build is going to be. It’s quite valuable. Or give it to the princess,” said Mordecai.
“I’ll take it,” Donut said, looking up at me. She didn’t even know what it was yet. I read the spell’s description.
Wisp Armor
Cost: 5 Mana
Target: Self Only
Duration: 5 minutes + 1 minute per level of spell. Requires 5 minute cooldown.
Surrounds your body with tendrils of light. While ineffective against physical attacks, this spell negates 75% of incoming damage from magic-based attacks. Provides temporary immunity to mind-control effects. Higher skill levels increase both effectiveness and duration. It also makes you look all wispy and ethereal and druid-like. A great spell to have if you’re a club kid or trying to bang a vegan.