I sighed. “Donut. You need to stop obsessing over this. It’s dangerous. It’s going to get us killed.”
“I’m not obsessing,” she said. “What makes you think I’ve been obsessing?”
“People like you because of what you’ve been doing,” I said. “If you start playing for the camera, they’re going to like you less. And if you die, you won’t be remembered at all. So try not to think about it.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Carl,” she said.
The show wrapped up. And a moment later, the announcement rattled through the storm shelter.
Hello crawlers.
Welcome to the second floor. Congratulations to all of you. We have just under 1.3 million crawlers still in the game. That number is slightly lower than our projections, so we are speeding up the second floor timer to the minimum legally allowed by the rules. You have six days to find a staircase down. Once again, we urge you all to wait until the last possible moment to descend.
As soon as this announcement ends, you will find that follows and favorites will be turned on for our viewers. The numbers will populate slowly on your interface, so don’t be too disappointed if you don’t see anything just yet.
We have improved how patronage works this season. This is a major change, so please pay attention.
All crawlers are now limited to three patrons, and all three spots will be up for auction for one day immediately upon the induction of the fourth floor, then fifth, then sixth floors respectively. Your benefactors may so choose to transfer their patronage to other parties at their own discretion starting on the seventh floor.
All patronage spots will become available at a bid of one credit, meaning this season virtually all living crawlers will have patrons.
But, be warned. Any bids the patron pays above the standard patronage fee will be reflected in loot box discounts for that patron. Any funds below the fee will be reflected in additional costs to that patron for loot boxes. In other words, the more your patron pays for you, the more and higher-quality Benefactor Boxes you may receive. The higher your social numbers, the better your chances at receiving the best loot. Your tutorial guide should have more details and will help you if you have any additional questions.
Finally, we must say we are disappointed in the disrespect we are being shown regarding the bathrooms. As of this moment, if any human-born crawler intentionally urinates or defecates anywhere outside a designated bathroom area, they will be immediately and swiftly penalized in the form of a Rage Elemental plucked from the 13th floor. This elemental will kill them and everyone in their party before they can get their pants back up.
That’s it for tonight. Have fun out there, and remember to kill, kill, kill!
Brandon turned to Yolanda. “You better tell Jack not to pee in the hallways anymore.”
Yolanda had gone pale. I hadn’t even realized that this was a problem. Jack was one of the guys who used a walker, not a wheelchair. He wore a Cincinnati Bengals hat and was always poking at the female residents, saying, “You still alive, Marybeth?” None of them were named Marybeth.
“I have a few adult pads left. I’ll make sure he puts one on,” Yolanda said.
“Their reasoning for speeding it up doesn’t make any sense,” Imani said.
I nodded, agreeing. “If anything, it seems like they’re trying to get rid of us faster.”
“Carl, Carl! I have a follower! My first follower!” Donut cried. “Another! A view! I have a view!”
“Yeah,” I said. “You know that viewer is watching you right now. So maybe you should stop acting crazy. We talked about this.”
Donut stiffened, her eyes going wide. “You’re right,” she said. She sat down and licked her paw, suddenly looking nonchalant. “That was quite the battle today, don’t you think, Carl?”
She said this in a weird, stilted, I’m-trying-to-act-casual-but-I’m-not-very-good-at-it voice.
I sighed, and it took everything not to say my catchphrase out loud. She’s going to get used to it. It’s new, so you gotta give her time. After Odette’s show finished airing, I knew those numbers were going to skyrocket.
This was going to be a long night.
32
Time to Collapse: Five days, ten hours
Views: 69 Billion
Followers: 635 Million
Favorites: 149 Million
As we approached the quadrant with the stairwell, we could now see that there was a tutorial guild and another saferoom just beyond the stairs. The plan was to probe the monsters, see how difficult they were. If it was something we could handle, we’d clear them out. Once we found the boss room, we’d make a judgment call on how to proceed. After that, we’d escort team Meadow Lark into the stairwell.
We’d gone to sleep and woken up with our social numbers in the stratosphere. Donut’s views and follows were about equal with my own, but her favorites were twice as high. It made sense. Mordecai had said people only got a limited number of favorites to use, and Donut was the more entertaining member of our duo. I was okay with that.
I tried not to think about it. We had important work to do today. Even Donut, thankfully, began to pay attention to the task at hand as we saw the first few red dots appear on our map. She’d been saying some motivational bullshit about seizing the day and fighting for the honor of our elders, but I think even she realized she was being annoying. A couple followers had ticked away, and you’d have thought that someone had stabbed her in the face with the way she’d reacted.
The dots were just off the main thoroughfare. The main arteries on this floor weren’t as wide as they’d been one floor up, and the ground was less even. Within the actual quadrants, we had to watch our step. The concrete floor was cracked and splintered. Little sharp rocks were everywhere.
I kicked a rock away. Below, my shiny toes glittered. I’d tried to get Donut to show me how to use the pedicure kit, and she’d laughed at me. It was Imani, of all people, who’d sat down with me. The stoic nurse pulled the tools out one at a time, matter-of-factly explaining how they worked.
The buffs all activated after about fifteen minutes of work. I didn’t need to use all the items. I just had to make a show of it. But now my feet glittered, and while the sensation wasn’t any different than it had been before, I could sense the unbreakable aspect of my foot bones. I knew if I dropped a boulder on my toes, they wouldn’t splinter. It’d still hurt, but they’d remain intact and unscarred and as pretty as ever for the psychotic AI.
I peered around the corner at the monsters. There were three of them sitting in a wide room lit by torches. They sat in a circle, playing dice. They were small, troll-like humanoids with oversized heads. Each had hook noses, ruddy cheeks, and mouths with only a few teeth. They wore tattered green overalls covered in patches. Each had pilgrim style, buckled shoes. Much too small for me.
If it wasn’t for their mottled skin and curly black hair, I’d think they were a type of goblin. All three of them had runny noses. They coughed and sneezed and snorted and rubbed their sleeves with their arms as they played their game.
All three of them had slingshots on their laps. Ranged weapons. I didn’t like ranged weapons.
Unvaccinated Clurichaun Rev-Up Consultant – Level 3
If you hear banjo music, run.
Clurichauns are distant, hillbilly relatives of the Leprechauns. And while the Leprechauns are said to guard vast piles of gold, the only thing Clurichauns might hoard are Polaroids of their own sisters sitting on the can and questionable business schemes. This particular sect is of the unvaccinated variety. Don’t let them sneeze on you.