“That’s quite the monster they chose for you,” I said.
Mordecai nodded. “These guys are pretty depraved. They have them on the first and second floors, but the third floor will be filled with them. Don’t wander near alleys at night.”
“At night?” I asked.
Mordecai waved. “I can’t tell you about that.” I looked up at him, but he winked at me. I understood.
“So, Odette,” I asked. “You don’t like her? Is there something we need to be worried about?”
Mordecai took a long, deep breath. “Odette cares about Odette. She is smart, she is cunning, and she is more self-centered than that thing at the center of the galaxy. But her current gig, it is perfect for her. She can be very useful and helpful to you. Until you’re not.”
It’s funny, that’s pretty much the exact same thing she’d said about the game’s AI. I didn’t say that out loud.
“If she invites us back on the show, should we go?” I asked.
Mordecai grunted. “Oh, you should go. Her program is one of the few I would recommend. Not that they’d give you much of a choice. Speaking of shows, there’s someone who wants to speak with you. I’ve been asked to ping her once you showed up here. She’ll arrive in about ten or fifteen minutes.”
“Another show?” Donut asked. She’d just started combing through her achievements and boxes. She didn’t seem to have gotten anything noteworthy except one item. Her boss box contained an Enchanted Fur Brush of the Ecclesiastic that worked in a similar fashion to my pedicure kit. As long as someone brushed her for ten minutes every night, she’d receive an extra two points to her constitution for 30 hours. It was better than nothing, but even with the buff, her constitution was only four.
“She’ll explain who she is when she gets here,” Mordecai said. He leaned forward and whispered in my ear. “Do not upset this woman. She has a lot of power over your fate.”
I swallowed. I had a feeling this wasn’t going to be a good thing.
“I have several questions,” I said, settling into the chair.
Mordecai settled uncomfortably across from me. Before, the chairs had been too big for him. Now they were too small. “Let’s hear it.”
“You said it’d probably be ten days, but it’s six,” I said.
“Is that a question?” Mordecai asked. He shrugged. “This is the first time I’ve ever seen it lower than the maximum. The minimum is one day longer. They gave a reason in the last announcement. That’s all I can say about that.” Mordecai lifted his eyes, looking up at the ceiling.
“Can viewers see us in this room?” I asked.
“Yes,” Mordecai said. “Like I said before, the only place they can’t follow is in restrooms. They can only hear or see you, however. Not me. Only those with press credentials can see or hear me. Those like Odette. Most people know this and only watch if you have a good loot box to open.”
Shit. I hadn’t thought about that. Before, Mordecai had been more forthright, but we also hadn’t been under a crazy amount of scrutiny, either. Getting straight answers out of him was now going to be more difficult.
“Do you know who Damien is?”
Mordecai looked as if I’d just slapped him. “Who told you that name?” he hissed. “Did Odette tell you about him?”
“Whoa,” I said, holding up my hands. “Not Odette. It was a mob. A fairy. She called for him just before we killed her.”
Mordecai relaxed. “Those damn fairies. They’re always getting themselves in trouble. Damien is a location manager. Each ‘City’ area has one. There are only three for this floor. He is my manager’s manager. You’re not supposed to see or know about him. I’m only allowed to tell you about this sort of stuff if you ask directly.”
We spent some time talking about the borough boss fight and the last fight with Krakaren. I asked him what her weakness was, and he smiled, telling me he wasn’t allowed to say, which really told me my theory was correct. It wasn’t the last we’d see of that particular boss.
I asked him about Agatha, about them editing her out of the boss battle. He waved it off. “They probably didn’t want to confuse the narrative.” Again, I could sense there was more there. I tried not to let my frustration show.
I told him my theory about how they were combining real aliens with earth stereotypes.
Mordecai looked equally frustrated. He paused, as if thinking hard. “That’s mostly correct. Again, it’s not really something I can discuss. But this isn’t exactly some big secret, either. Some of these monsters are made by AI, some are simply the actual creatures from their world—the tusklings and the Ball of Swine, for example. And some, like you’ve deduced, are created by a team of writers. Like with anything that’s been put together by a team, what you end up with can vary wildly. Those llamas, for example. They are unique to your planet, and I don’t recall anything in your culture that suggests they should be anthropomorphized as drug-dealing gang bangers. Someone just thought it’d be an interesting combo. Not everything will be social commentary.”
“It’s usually just stupid,” I muttered.
“It’s entertainment,” Mordecai said, once again reminding me of something Odette said. There was a much deeper story there, between those two. I wondered if I’d ever learn.
“Also, I’ve been meaning to ask you about this tattoo on my neck,” I said. “The Desperado Club.”
“Nope,” Mordecai said. “Off limits. You’ll learn about the third floors soon enough. Sorry. Now, you better open your boxes before Zev gets here. Once she’s here, the cameras will turn off. Cameras will always turn off when kua-tin are around.”
Shit. “Okay,” I said, opening up my folder.
My IED and Explosives Handling and several other explosives-based skills had leaped to seven thanks to my creation of the Carl’s Jug O’ Boom. I also received a pretty strange achievement:
New achievement! Dungeonpreneur.
You have invented a stackable weapon, device, or potion. You will be memorialized for eternity with your name in the Dungeon Codex. Just don’t let it go to your head, Elon.
Reward: For every kill made with this device by other crawlers, you will receive a single gold coin. If you survive the dungeon, you will continue to receive this benefit—even during future seasons—at the current gold to credit exchange rate for the remainder of your natural life. Our lawyers made us put that last part in, but between you and me, we both know you’re going to die, and we’re going to keep using your hard work for our own benefit.
Interesting. It was too bad nobody else would ever use these things. The main ingredient—the jug of moonshine—was probably pretty rare. And those jugs were more valuable when they were left unaltered.
I received a bunch of the usual stuff plus a couple hundred gold coins, bringing our hoard to just over 1,000 coins. I went over it all. More potions and torches and biscuits. I had enough food now to feed an army for a month straight. I received a couple goblin boxes and took in more dynamite, smoke bombs, and lighters. I received a bronze crowd control box and added two scrolls of Confusing Fog. This time, I would give them both to Donut.
I opened the boss box.
Don’t say anything. Don’t say anything out loud.
I couldn’t help it. I looked up at the ceiling.
“Really? Fucking really?”
Behind me, Mordecai laughed, but a moment later he added, “Whoa, that’s actually a really good prize.”
It was a white pair of boxers covered in little red hearts.