“Stay on topic. And oral is very nice. I’ll remove that one from my repertoire. I can’t believe he did that. Well, I can. Damon can be a shut-down asshole, but he was totally into you.” She frowned. “Damn it. Adam’s right. He’s trying to protect you. What is wrong with men? Why can’t they just say what they’re feeling? What would you have done if he’d held your hand and begged you to walk away because he couldn’t stand the thought of losing you?”
Somehow, she couldn’t see him doing it. “I would have done anything he asked me to. Well, until I could find a way around it. I don’t want to leave him alone. He’ll get in trouble. He’s not thinking straight when it comes to Baz.”
And his heart might explode.
Charlotte held up her glass. She didn’t bother with the niceties, merely tipped it back and then poured another one. “I knew there was a reason I liked you.” Her eyes settled on Penny. “I know Damon pretty well. He’s always been very careful with women.”
“He wasn’t careful with her according to Ten. He made her cry.” Chelsea turned in her chair, looking out over the dungeon. The sun had waned and the entire place was encased in twilight. Chelsea looked older than her twenty-seven years. Harder. “He’s just like the rest of them, sis.”
Charlotte groaned a little, a sure sign that this was a well-worn argument. “Yes, all men are evil. They’ll screw a woman in the end.”
Chelsea sucked down another tequila shot. “Do you know what I would give to look at a vagina and just want to hit that? I wish girl parts did it for me. Unfortunately, I like dicks. Do you know the problems with dicks? They’re attached to bigger dicks.”
“She’s talking about men,” Charlotte explained.
“Yes, I believe I understand. She’s not happy with her sexual orientation.”
“She’s not happy with anything, but that’s because she’s fighting the inevitable,” Charlotte said. “And so is Damon, if you decide to go after him. I’ve been around that man for a while, and I’ve never seen him look at a woman the way he looks at you.”
Penny bit her bottom lip and decided. She could sit around and try to think this through or she could lean on someone else for a change. “I don’t know how to fight for him. I don’t even know if I should. When he first said what he said, I was devastated.”
“That’s because he was an asshole,” Chelsea agreed.
She needed to ignore Chelsea if she was going to get anything done. “I don’t know how to reach him. Even if it’s true, I don’t think me talking to him about it is going to change things.”
Charlotte waved a hand, obviously dismissing that line of thought. “You can’t talk to him. Men are not logical enough. Trust me. I went through hell to get Ian back. I tried to give him a very simple explanation about why I betrayed him and let him believe I was dead for five years, but does he listen to me? No.”
Penny had read Damon’s very thorough file on the Taggarts. If they could be together and in love, then anyone could. “Then how did you get him back?”
“Sex, of course. It’s really the only language men understand.”
That was what she was afraid of. “I’m not very good at sex. I don’t have much experience.”
Charlotte frowned her way. “You’re going to be one of those women, aren’t you?”
“Here comes the speech,” Chelsea said under her breath.
“One of those women?” Penny wasn’t sure what that meant.
Charlotte crossed her arms under her breasts, leaning forward. “The kind who spends all their time worrying about what they’re not. ‘I’m not sexy. I’m not pretty. I’m not worthy.’ When you do talk about what you are, it’s negative things like ‘I’m fat’ or ‘I have cellulite.’”
She felt herself flush. Yes, she might be guilty of some of that, but it wasn’t the whole story. “That’s not true. I think I’m smart and nice.”
Charlotte shook her head as though Penny had just proven her point. “Only because people tell you that. Do you really believe it? Deep down inside? Or do you keep trying to prove it over and over again? Do you let people take advantage of you because you think the only thing you have going for you is that you’re nice?”
It wasn’t true. Except it sort of was. She spent a lot of time trying to prove how nice she was. And she spent absolutely no time being nice to herself. That needed to change. She needed to take a real inventory of herself. “I like my eyes. I think they’re pretty.”
“Yes, they are.” When Charlotte Taggart smiled, she could light up a room.
“All the guys think you’ve got a nice ass.” Chelsea leaned on the bar and gave her a reserved smile. “I listen in on everyone. It’s for research.”
“They like my bum?” She’d always thought it was way too big.
Chelsea giggled a little, her face softening. She was quite pretty when she relaxed. “Yes, I believe Jesse said, in his always intensely literate way, ‘Dayum, that’s a juicy ass.’ But y’all say arse. Why do you do that? It’s not very sexy.”
Maybe the word wasn’t sexy, but apparently her arse was.
“You aren’t going to win your man by worrying about cellulite,” Charlotte explained. She turned a pointed look to her sister. “Or by treating him like he has the plague.”
“He’s not mine,” Chelsea said quickly.
“Only because you act like a jerk.” Charlotte pushed one of the shot glasses Penny’s way. “She’s got a huge thing for Simon and he totally wants her too. They’ve circled each other for months and months and they’re both irritable because no one’s getting laid. Do you want that? Wait, was Damon good in bed? I mean he could be horrible and he could make you feel like shit and then it’s a good thing that he dumped you.”
“Oh, no, he’s very good. And he made me feel good.” Her confidence was rising with every word Charlotte said. “We were good together.”
They had been. He wasn’t closed down with her in bed. When he’d smiled, there had been actual emotion in him. She was sure of it. He was always so controlled, except for today. He’d lost it and it hadn’t been all because of Baz. His anger was cold, controlled, but his fear came out in screaming fits and every single one of them had been directed her way.
She knocked back the drink. She didn’t drink much because it didn’t seem ladylike and she’d wanted to be seen as a nice girl when she was growing up. She’d gotten used to being in control all the time. She’d had to be when her parents were alive.
It burned down her throat, and she practically coughed it up. Both Dennis sisters laughed and Chelsea patted her back. “It’s an acquired taste.”
But their friendship wasn’t. It was easy and simple and she hadn’t fit in with another group of women in a very long time. She was always worried about doing or saying the wrong thing, but the Dennis sisters were showing her there wasn’t a wrong thing to say.
“I will take another.” It was her time now. It was finally her time to figure out who she wanted to be, and she was very certain that one of the things she wanted to be was happy, and that couldn’t happen without Damon Knight.
“Can you be brave, Penny?” Charlotte asked, sliding her another shot. “I know it sounds silly, but you’re going to have to play a part you’re not used to playing. If you want to break through Damon’s walls, you’re going to have to seduce him and manipulate him and bring him to his knees. You’re going to have to change the attitude. In the end, it can’t be a part you’re playing. It has to be you. You have to fight and fight dirty.”
If Damon had his way, she would be safe and he would upend both US and British intelligence and likely get himself killed in the process. He’d always been brave. He’d been through hell and he still was capable of caring about her.