Blunt.
“She goes,” Burke said. “I want her out. I want her out soon. When the rads drop, and temps rise, Tammy goes. It’s been decided. Majority rules.”
I didn’t even get a vote? To be honest…I didn’t want one.
It’s out of my hands. Those were the words I wrote in the notebook. Breaking away from my daily notation to Mona, I wrote my feelings. I needed to write to her—no, I needed to talk to her. Why couldn’t she be in the shelter with us? Why did she have to go to Tulsa? Of all days.
The shelter had finally hit the level of peacefulness. Burke doing something out of character, lounged on the couch reading a book. I don’t recall ever seeing Burke read a book in all the years I knew him. But he proclaimed he wasn’t tired, and even if he was, he wasn’t going to bed until I did. What? Did he think I was going somewhere? Leaving? I hadn’t left my fireplace seat on the floor in two hours. I had written over three pages to Mona. I could hear her when she saw those pages. She’d look, chuckle, comment in a sarcastic way, “well, someone was having a bad night when they wrote this.’ I was.
“Hey,” Tanner whispered as he sat down next to me. “Mind if I sit here?”
I shook my head. What was I gonna say? No? He was already seated.
“Are you writing to Mona?” he asked.
“Are you gonna make a snide comment?”
“Jo,” he said softly. “Don’t bite my head off. I didn’t do anything.”
“You’re right.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“The notebook?”
“Tammy.”
I chuckled once. “What’s there to talk about?”
“About how you feel. What's going through your mind.”
“If I said…” I turned and faced Tanner. “If I said I despised her, what would you say back to me?”
Tanner shrugged. “Good?”
“Good. You would say good?”
“Yeah, then I’d follow up with it’s about time.”
Shaking my head, I turned from him.
“Jo. I’m not saying you should have despised her your entire life. I am saying, that things were said and done that warranted you losing all feeling for her. You need to despise her now, if not for her actions and words, but for a clear conscious in two days.”
“When conditions change and we throw her away.”
“We don’t throw her away.” Tanner reasoned. “She’s breaking, Jo. She’s gonna snap and soon. I don’t want to think of what she could be capable of doing.”
“She lost an arm, Tanner. How much of a threat is she.”
“She only needs one hand to use a weapon.”
Muffled, and from behind his book, Burke tossed out his comments, “Thank you! I couldn’t have said it better. Listen to Tanner he’s reasonable.”
I spun to look at Burke. “Can you mind your own business?”
Burke lowered the book. “No.”
Grumbling, I returned to facing the fire.
Tanner’s finger touched upon my notebook. “What would Mona say, Jo?”
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do.” Tanner said. “Didn’t you tell me you two were psychically linked? Didn’t you say you write to her because you know you’re sending her some sort of message? That she feels, right now, what you write?”
Burke laughed. “That’s ridiculous.”
My eyes fluttered and I spewed out, “I hate when he does that. You know what the problem is? He’s pretending to read. He’s not because there are no pictures in a Tom Clancy novel.”
“Jo?” Tanner waited for an answer.
“Yes.” I nodded. “We are linked. And I know she feels something from me.”
“Then feel something from her. She’s a friend. What would she say?” Tanner asked. “Link to her, Jo.”
He did it again. Burke had to comment, “Maybe they are psychically linked, and the reason Jo can’t tell you what Mona would say, is because there’s no Mona right now to link to.”
“Mind you own goddamn business!” I yelled.
“No!” Burke retorted. “Talk somewhere else. Wait. Ha! You can’t.”
Murmuring ‘asshole’, I faced Tanner. “She would say Burke is right. She would say get her out. But I don’t think Mona would wait. She would want her gone now.”
“Let’s listen to Mona!” Burke cheered.
“Shut… up.” I snapped.
“Jo,” Tanner snickered. “He’s trying to help you. In his own way, he’s taking your mind off of things.”
“I guess.”
“Tell me about Mona.” Tanner requested. “Let’s talk about her.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because, whether you believe it or not, you’re dwelling on tonight. You can’t dwell, Jo. Let’s talk about Mona.”
“Let’s not.” Burke said.
I sneered at Burke, and then smiled at Tanner. “You know what? Let’s. Mona… Mona and I are a lot alike. Spiritually, if that makes sense. Personality wise too. Weird things would happen between us. We’d have the same dreams. If I was having a bad day, you could bet she was having a bad day. If Mona were sad, I would cry and not know why. That’s why I am so sure she is alive. If anyone would feel that she was dead, I would. I know I would. And she’ll come back. Wait. You wait and see. And oh, boy is she gonna like you.”
“What?” Tanner asked. “What do you mean?”
“She’s gonna take a liking to you.” I winked. “She’ll think you’re hot.”
Tanner blushed. I never expected it. Running his hand over his unshaven face, he lowered his head and blushed.
“Yeah,” Burke said. “Jo’s right. Only Mona would think of getting laid in a post nuclear war.”
Offended, my mouth dropped open. “Burke.” I huffed in disgust. “You know… maybe you would think about getting laid. Mona would think about just being intimate and close. Affection. Basic human need.”
“OK. You’re right.” Burke flipped a page in his book. “I will eventually think about getting laid. Won’t everybody. I mean…” Swinging his legs over the couch, Burke sat up. “When things calm down. Won’t everybody.”
“No.” I answered quickly.
“Jo, sex is not gonna be a thing of the past.” Burke argued. “You’re gonna tell me that you won’t think about getting laid?”
I cringed. “Burke.”
“Sorry.” He lifted his hand. “Making love. Being affectionate. That won’t cross your mind?”
Apprehensively, I answered. “Probably. Eventually. I don’t know.”
“Basic human instinct and need.” Burke nodded. “And I bet it’s already crossed Tanner’s mind, right Tanner?”
“Yeah, I mean…” Tanner gave an embarrassed smile to me. “Eventually. And how did we get on this subject?”
Burke pointed my way.
“Me?” I questioned. “I did…”
Davy screamed. A long horrid scream from my son was no less than a warning alarm that sounded off. We all sprang to our feet, and just as we did so, I heard sound of struggling thumps and bangs.
Matty’s cries of, “Mommy! Mommy!” carried to us.
Burke was first to bolt down the hall, with Tanner and myself right behind. No sooner did Burke reach the back bedroom door, a battling Davy and Tammy nearly knocked him over.
“What the fuck!” Burked reached out grabbing on to both of them.
“Mommy!” Matty cried.
Turning to run in the bedroom, I watched Davy pull from Burke’s hold and emotionally drop to his knees. His face was red; his head flung back and bellowed out in anguish, “Simon!”
Into that room I flew. My hand smacked against the battery light on the wall to brighten the dark room.
“Mommy!” Matty screamed.
My eyes went to the bed where Davy and Simon slept, and my heart hit my stomach with a catatonic, paralyzing effect. On the bed lay Simon with a pillow over him. I felt it roll from my gut to my throat, a moan of agony in the revelation of what had occurred.