Unexpectedly I felt a little spark of irritation. “If you’re pissed, say you’re pissed. Don’t try to make me feel guilty about my decisions.”
“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty,” he said more strongly. “I just thought we had total trust and honesty between us.”
“The way I trusted you when you were in Canada?”
Long silence. “I guess we have a ways to go.”
“I guess we do.” I felt upset at what that implied, for both of us.
“Well, I want to work to get there,” he said, surprising me. “I want us to grow closer, to earn each other’s trust, to be able to count on each other more than we count on other people. I do want us to have total trust and honesty between us. That’s how I want us to be.”
You are perfection, I thought, calming right down. “I’d like that, too.”
For a moment I just basked in the glow of having Hunter. “It was just—he’s my father. I was probably the only person in the whole world who knew his true name, except him. And he knew I had it. I felt I had to keep it close to myself, in case I ever needed it, for me or for you. Not for the council.”
“He knew that you had his true name?”
“He must have. I used it the night we... shape-shifted, to stop him. That’s why he disappeared, when what he really wanted to do was kill you or me or both.”
“Yet he met you at the power sink.”
“I guess he trusted me or was sure he was stronger than me...” I gave a brittle laugh. “He was stronger than me. Many times stronger than me. But he shouldn’t have trusted me.” Hot tears slipped from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.
“Morgan, you know you did the right thing—not only for you, me, and the others he would have hurt, but also for Ciaran. For every evil he did, three times that was coming back to him. You’ve prevented him from making that any worse.”
“That’s one way of looking at it,” I said. “I don’t know. Nothing is ever black or white. Decisions are never crystal clear.”
“No. What you did last night was not one hundred percent good, but certainly not one hundred percent bad. But on the whole it was much more good than bad. On the whole, you honored the Goddess much more than you dishonored her. And that’s sometimes as much as we can hope for.”
“I wish I could see you,” I said, feeling his soothing words taking away some of my jagged edges. “But I’m a wreck, and I’m sure Mom wouldn’t let me out after I’ve been in bed all day.”
“You just rest up,” Hunter said. “We can get together tomorrow. I’d like to get away from here, if possible—my da’s driving me mad. He’s going mental because I don’t want to have anything to do with the council anymore.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“I don’t trust them anymore. I can’t put my faith in them. I can’t do as they ask simply because they ask. I can’t turn to them for protection. Not only are they no use to me, they’ve actually been dangerous for me. And for you. And for Da, though he doesn’t see it that way.”
“Can you quit being a Seeker? Is that allowed?”
Hunter gave a short laugh. “It doesn’t happen frequently, that’s certain. I haven’t talked to anyone officially about it yet—Da’s still trying to talk me out of it. But in my heart I know this is what I want to do.”
I was stunned. Hunter’s dissatisfaction with the council had been building for a while, but it had never occurred to me that he would quit being a Seeker. It was what he was; it was a huge part of what defined him.
“Whoa,” I said. “If you’re not a Seeker, what will you do?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I’ve never done anything else, and no one besides the council needs a Seeker. I’ll have to think about it. But how do you feel about it, my quitting?”
“I think you should do whatever you feel like you need to do,” I said. “You could do anything you want. I’ll help you do anything you want.”
“Oh, Morgan, that means so much to me,” he said, sounding relieved. “You have no idea. If you’ll support me, I’ll take on anyone.” He paused. “They’re not going to want me to quit,” he explained.
“I know. Let’s talk about it tomorrow, in person,” I said. “This could be good. This could be very exciting. I want to look toward the future instead of dreading everything in the present.”
“I’m with you there,” Hunter said. “Now I guess I’ll go try to avoid Da. Goddess, fathers can be a pain in the arse.”
“Yes, they can,” I said with dry irony.
“See you tomorrow, my love.”
“Tomorrow.”
“Morgan, maybe you would feel better if you ate an actual breakfast,” said Mary K., sitting across from me at the kitchen table.
I looked up, bleary-eyed. It was starting to seem that maybe I really did have the flu. I still felt awful, with bone-deep aches, a pounding headache, and lingering nausea. I had staggered down to the kitchen, grabbed a regular Coke for its medicinal properties, and now felt a tiny bit better.
“It’s settling my stomach.”
“There’s some oatmeal left. It’s got raisins in it.” Mary K. took a healthy bite of her banana and gave me a perky, bright-eyed look. That was how she was. She wasn’t even trying to be this way. This morning, even though she hadn’t taken a shower yet, she looked fresh and clean, with perfect skin and shiny hair. I hadn’t taken a shower, either, and I could scare small children.
“No, thank you.Where are Mom and Dad?”
“Dad’s downstairs, rebuilding his motherboard. Mom had to show some houses. And I am going to Jaycee’s, as soon as you give me a ride.” She gave me a simpering smile and batted her eyelashes at me, and I couldn’t help laughing.
“Okay. Let me get a grip.”
An hour later I dropped her at Jaycee’s house, then swung around and headed for Hunter’s. The shower had helped, and then I had taken three Tylenol. Now I’d had a second Coke and a piece of toast here in the car, and I hoped that something I’d done would start to help soon.
It was better, though, walking up to Hunter’s front door without feeling like I had to be looking over my shoulder. I had no idea whether Amyranth would take up Ciaran’s cause, but I had the feeling that this had been a purely personal thing. I might not matter to them at all.
The front door opened. “Hi,” said Hunter.
I blinked when I saw him. “Do you still feel bad? You look awful.”
He rubbed his hand over his unshaven jaw. Unlike the hair on his head, which was the color of sunlight, his beard was dark, and so was his chest hair. Which I was going to stop thinking about immediately.
He shrugged and I went past him, automatically heading for the fireplace in the living room. I dropped my coat and sank onto the couch, stretching my feet toward the flames. The house smelled pleasantly smoky, clean. Fire has great purifying qualities.
“I think I feel better than I did yesterday,” he said, sitting next to me so our legs touched. “Maybe it just takes a while. I’ve never been around a dark wave before, so I don’t know.”
I leaned my head against his shoulder and shivered at the warmth I found there. “Maybe you haven’t drunk enough tea,” I said with a straight face.
“Quite the wit, aren’t you?” He put his arms around me and we snuggled, taking comfort from being close.
“Where’s your dad?” Please be out of the house. Please be gone all day.
“Getting groceries. There’s nothing to eat because we’ve been kind of busy the last few days.”
I pushed against Hunter’s shoulder so he would fall sideways. “Perfect.”
“Good idea,” he said, sliding down and pulling me with him. Then we were lying on the couch, face-to-face, pressed together, and my entire back was toasting nicely from the fire.
Simultaneously we both made happy sounds, then laughed at ourselves. I didn’t feel like making out, sadly enough, and neither did he, and instead we just held each other close, snuggling hard, feeling some of our aches disappear with the heat from each other’s body. Goddess, if I could just lie like this forever. Hunter’s hand stroked my back absently; our eyes were closed, and I had my arms around his waist, not even caring that one was getting smushed.