Saeko knew that it was a slippery slope. Once you began to entertain doubts about the stability of the universe, even the feeling of the ground beneath your feet could do nothing to assuage them. When it came down to it, there was no way to actually prove that the universe still existed.
A sharp gust of wind blew down towards the shrine. Saeko heard the wooden clattering of hundreds of wish boards. The group turned towards the shrine, following the sound. The torii still hung over the threshold, but as they watched, it creaked forwards, slowly at first and then with increasing momentum, beginning an inexorable slide into the abyss as the soil gave way from under it.
Somehow the crimson gate sliding down the browned soil felt like a sign of things to come. Kagayama took a few steps back, but Saeko and Isogai stepped forward, watching the torii until it came to rest at the bottom of the crater.
Then everything was still. The gate lay upturned and unmoving at the bottom of the crater. Occasional birdcalls broke the silence from above. To Saeko, the sounds only served to accentuate the feeling of nature’s incomprehensibility. It was getting late, but the sky seemed to be getting brighter.
After Hosokawa got all the shots he wanted, the group decided to head back down the path towards the hotel. When they reached the gate at the bottom and passed by the restaurant, Isogai pulled Hashiba to the side.
“Can we talk for a minute?”
“What is it?”
“Do I have my own room at the hotel?”
“Of course.”
Isogai looked embarrassed. In stark contrast to earlier he seemed to be having trouble stringing a sentence together. “If it’s not too much trouble … Er, would you mind if I called a friend to join me?”
“Hmm?” Hashiba looked up, intrigued.
“A good friend and quantum physicist, Chris Roberts. I don’t want you to hire him as an advisor, don’t worry. He’s a genius in his field, and I think he’ll be able to help us work out what this damn crater is. In fact, I think he’ll be more use than me. I need his advice if we’re to do this … I guarantee he’ll be of use.”
Hashiba already knew the name from the file he’d put together on Isogai’s credentials. Chris was Isogai’s colleague and lover, his partner during the chimpanzee experiments at Carnegie Mellon. When the experiments — electrocuting the chimps’ brains — had gone public, Isogai had faced the ire of animal cruelty groups and come back to Japan in fear of his safety. It made sense that he wouldn’t have just left Chris there. They must have come back to Japan together.
“No problem at all. Give him a call.”
Isogai’s face brightened. He pulled out his phone and started to call his friend. Hashiba walked over to the parking lot with Saeko and told Kagayama and the rest to go back to the hotel ahead of them. He tapped Saeko on her back and they walked together to the main road.
“Are you really going to do this?” Hashiba checked again.
“I can’t just sit here and do nothing.”
“Did something happen?”
“I just get this feeling, you know, that I’ve wasted so much time since my father disappeared. I don’t want to waste any more time.”
“Even so, there’s no need to rush off tonight.”
“Listen, I’m sure there’s something we missed, something I missed out there. But it’s my problem, not the show’s.”
Hashiba looked at the time; it was already past three in the afternoon. “How are you going to get there?”
“I was thinking of renting a car. I saw a place near the train station.”
“It’ll be dark by the time you reach Takato.”
“They’ve still got electricity and water, right?”
“I guess so.”
“Then there’s no problem. I won’t have to wander around in the dark.”
“Where are you planning to stay?”
“I’ll find a business hotel or something in Ina.”
“Okay, good.”
“Good?” Saeko nudged him in the ribs. “You didn’t think I’d stay in that house, did you?”
“Sometimes I have no idea what you’re going to do.”
“I’ll be back tomorrow,” she promised with a defiant look.
“All right, if you find anything let me know as soon as you can, even if it’s the middle of the night. Okay?”
“Of course.”
“And if you need me for anything, just call.”
He meant it — if she needed his help, he was ready to drop everything and go straight to her. There was something about Saeko that he just couldn’t pin down. She was both traditional and madly eccentric. She had this normal desire to settle down, to get married. On the other hand, she had an incredible streak of inner strength and independence. It was hard to reconcile the two. Hashiba knew that people generally struggled with an internal mix of conflicting attributes, but he worried that the trait was too strong in Saeko. He knew he was in love with her, but he couldn’t be sure that she wasn’t too independent for him. So he wanted the chance to help her; he wanted to see when, to see if she would turn to him for help. It was, in a sense, the only way he knew to test the closeness of their relationship.
The two of them ambled in the direction of Route 135. Once they got close, Saeko waved down a passing cab.
“At least let me drive you to the station,” Hashiba said, taking her by the hand.
Saeko shook her head. “You have lots to be getting on with. I don’t want you wasting any time.”
She was right, of course. He had to get back to the hotel and finish writing up the scripts for the shoot. Besides, the taxi was already waiting. “All right, please be careful.”
They stood for a moment, hands intertwined, looking into each other’s eyes. The fleeting reverie was broken by the sound of the cab’s horn rushing them. Hashiba stood back and watched Saeko climb into the back seat of the cab until all he could see was her boots. The automatic door closed and the cab began to pull away. Saeko looked back through the rear window; Hashiba waved and stood watching as the cab pulled into the distance.
Even after it turned a corner and was lost to view, Hashiba stood staring at the empty space. That image of her getting into the back seat, her legs slender and inviting — she had been wearing stockings but it brought back memories of how her silky skin had felt under his fingers. Rife with longing, he subconsciously took a step in the direction the cab had gone. The movement caught him off guard, and he momentarily lost balance, stumbling slightly. He recognized the feeling that burned inside him. He’d felt it before: an overwhelming urge to break free from the constraints of his own life.
Until now, Hashiba had always been able to reason with himself when faced with the desire to break free. He’d always managed to stay on track, through college, through his dream job. He had been able to knuckle down, keep his life ordinary. And his future was bright; he was almost in a position to reap the benefit of all that hard work.
But it was always there, ready to rear its ugly head, that desire to smash everything to pieces, to start over from the beginning. And it always started with lust. If there was ever a time to give yourself to such feelings, it was when you had foreknowledge that the world was about to end. In that case, Hashiba wanted to cast away all restraint and go out in a blaze of indulgence.
For God’s sake, pull yourself together …
Hashiba slapped his cheeks a couple of times, calming himself down. He started to walk the route back to the hotel. No one could predict when the world would end; fantasies of a “last supper” never led to anything.
Hashiba’s hotel room faced eastwards out to the sea. The lighting was dim even with all of it on. Hashiba finished flicking through his notes in the half-light and walked over to the window, where the horizon was milky white.