‘Yeah, sure, it’s this way,’ said Libby.
I followed her up the stairs. Even though the house was beautiful, there was an eerie stillness in the air, like something wasn’t quite right. It felt like it was suspended in time, just waiting for Kayla to come back. We walked down the corridor, then up a narrow spiral staircase. The steps creaked under my feet and I felt a little bit dizzy, so I held on to the black banister to steady myself.
‘She has the attic room,’ said Libby. ‘Coolest room in the house.’
It was very cool. It was huge, and one wall was completely covered in Polaroid photographs. Photographs of Kayla, of her friends, scenery, bands, random things. Some of them were really quite striking. There was a picture of a white butterfly on a purple thistle, its slightly blurred wings suggesting that it had either just landed, or was about to take off.
‘It’s exactly as she left it,’ said Libby. ‘Anna told us not to touch anything. Not that I would – I hardly ever come up here.’
I followed Libby into the centre of the room. It was different to the rest of the house; its bright colours and organized chaos contrasted with the pastel shades and sparseness of the other rooms. There were similarities between it and my own bedroom – the giant piles of CDs, the posters on the walls, the dressing table covered with make-up supplies. It was unsettling to think that this kind of thing could happen to someone close to my age, someone like me. Libby started to look really uncomfortable. ‘I actually… I don’t think I can be in here now. It’s too upsetting,’ she said. ‘You’re welcome to look around, take as long as you need, but please don’t touch anything. I don’t mind, but Anna would probably notice and she’d freak out.’
‘No, of course. I won’t touch anything.’ I said. ‘Thanks for letting me do this.’
‘I’ll be downstairs,’ said Libby. ‘If you need anything, just shout.’
The room was really tidy, but I guess Kayla would have cleaned it before the party. There was a bookshelf in the corner, holding mostly photography and poetry books, and a few magazines, including some copies of Electric. On the bedside table was a Polaroid camera – just like the one from my dream – and a Holga camera too, the plastic back held on with sticky tape. On the glass-topped table there was a Canon camera, a tripod, a camera bag and a couple of extra lenses. Beside a pink Victorian-style doll’s house was a stack of photo albums. Kayla must have really liked photography. There was also a laptop, its case covered with bumper stickers. I was tempted to open it, but Libby did say not to touch anything, and I didn’t want to betray her trust.
I walked around the room again, taking in all the details. I didn’t feel Kayla’s presence there though. The room actually felt calmer than the others, and I definitely didn’t sense her spirit there.
When I arrived back in the kitchen, Libby was leaning over one of her textbooks, her head resting in her hand.
‘What are you studying in college?’ I asked.
She jumped. ‘Oh, sorry,’ she said. ‘I didn’t hear you come back in… er, Medicine.’
‘Oh, wow, where?’ I said.
‘Trinity…’
‘Cool.’
‘Did you… did you see anything when you were up there? Do you know what might have happened to her?’ she asked.
‘Well, I don’t really work like that. It’ll probably be a while before I have anything to report.’
‘Oh yeah, of course. Sorry,’ she said. ‘Is there anything else I can do for you?’
‘Actually, do you have something of Kayla’s that I could borrow?’ I said. ‘A piece of jewellery, maybe? It might help me connect with her more easily.’ I wanted to take Ger’s advice and ask, even if she refused.
‘Yeah, of course, wait there and I’ll get you something. I’m sure Anna won’t mind if it’s going to help find her.’ I was so relieved she’d said yes.
As I waited in the kitchen, I looked down at the refill pad on the table. The pages were filled with notes, and in the margins were doodles of hearts everywhere – big hearts, tiny hearts, hearts with arrows through them and hearts broken in two.
‘Here you go,’ said Libby, handing me a necklace with a silver star-shaped pendant. ‘It was one of her favourites. She used to wear it a lot.’
‘Thanks,’ I said, popping it into my bag. ‘I’ll make sure to bring it back when I’m finished.’
‘No problem. Thanks for calling over. Like I said, we really appreciate it.’ Libby led me to the door and I said goodbye. I wasn’t sorry to be leaving – I could sense the sadness in every corner of that house.
I walked up the road, taking a look back before I turned the corner. Libby waved from the doorway, where she stood holding her mobile and smoking a cigarette. I took the list out of my bag along with a pen, and put a tick beside her name. One down, seven to go.
Chapter 6
‘Hello, love,’ said Gran as I came into the kitchen. ‘Have fun at Hannah’s?’ She gave me a warm smile.
‘Yep,’ I said. Since she just assumed that’s where I’d been, I didn’t correct her.
I was so tired, as my visit to Kayla’s had been very draining, but when I sat down at the table I instantly felt better. It was good to be back here. I’d spent so much time in this terraced house over the years that it felt like a second home. I especially liked the kitchen, with its blue cabinets and collectable biscuit tins on the counter. And I loved how Gran was so nice to me, always stocking up on food I like and giving me pocket money and buying me stuff.
‘I’m going to Bridge in a few minutes,’ she said. ‘You can come with me if you like.’
‘Nah, I’ll just stay here,’ I said. ‘Have an early night.’
That actually wasn’t a lie. I hadn’t dreamed about Kayla since last Sunday, but I assumed that was because I’d been sleeping in Avarna. Now that I was back in Dublin, where Kayla was from, I expected to dream about her. I expected to dream about her every night for the foreseeable future. I was going to get to sleep early because I wanted to experience the entire thing, uninterrupted. I also thought that if I went to bed early I might get some restful, dream-free sleep before it kicked in. I didn’t want to look tired on my first day at the magazine.
‘OK,’ said Gran. ‘Well, there’s a pepperoni pizza for you, if you fancy it. I better get going.’
She kissed me on the cheek and I got the familiar smell of her expensive moisturiser. She used to let me put on a tiny bit when I was younger, and then I’d climb into her bed and watch the countdown on MTV while she read. When I fell asleep, my grandad would carry me into my own room and kiss me on the forehead before he left.
‘I really like your hair like that,’ she said as she went out of the door.
‘Thanks, Gran!’ I said. I liked my new hair too, mainly because it helped me look older than I was.
She left, and the silence that descended on the house made me feel kind of uneasy. My grandad died three years ago, and since then my gran had got involved in lots of things – volunteering in a local charity shop and taking up new hobbies. I think it helped her cope, helped fill the silence.
I took the star-shaped necklace from my satchel and put it on the table. I wondered if it would help me to connect with Kayla. Last summer, after I’d found Beth’s bag, things had started to happen more quickly. I agreed with Ger, and sensed that it would be useful to have something of Kayla’s to keep close to me.
After I’d finished my dinner I watched some TV, then headed up to bed. I like the spare room in Gran’s house. It used to be Mum’s, and when we both stay over she gets to have it, but when she’s not there then it’s all mine. It has a wooden floor and pink wallpaper. The dresser drawers are lined with scented paper and there’s an old rocking chair in the corner. It reminds me of the carefree days when I used to stay over and spend all day playing with Gran.