She was now free to think about Otto, there was nothing to stop her admitting to herself that she loved him. And it seemed to her that the pity she felt for him made her love him even more passionately than before, when she had been racked with secret jealousy of the fiancée who had so cruelly tossed him aside as if he were some worthless object.
He still seemed to be mourning his loss, but that did not mean there was no hope, and the hope in her heart rose up to infuse her face, lending beauty to her smile.
. .
That evening, when the reception was over, the Verstraetens were worn out. They exchanged their formal wear for more comfortable clothing, and Mr Verstraeten retired to his study while his wife went upstairs to take some much-needed repose. Lili, overtired from hours on her feet giving effusive thanks to everyone for their gifts and good wishes, flung herself in her favourite armchair with the old tapestry cover, and leant back, half-closing her eyes.
‘Lili, why don’t you go upstairs and lie down for a while?’ said Marie.
‘Oh no thanks, I can’t be bothered. I’m so tired, as tired as can be.’
Georges looked concerned. He sat down beside his bride, took her hand in his, and whispered to her in the dimmed light. Frédérique, Paul and Etienne had stayed to supper, as had Georges, but now Etienne came to take his leave as he had a prior engagement to meet some friends.
‘Are you coming, Paul?’ he asked.
Paul lifted his head, turning the question over in his mind, then stretched his limbs.
‘No thanks, I don’t feel up to it.’
‘But they’re expecting you!’
‘Well, I’m not in the mood. You’ll have to excuse me.’
Etienne left, somewhat disgruntled. Marie hummed to herself as she sauntered about the salons with Frédérique, tidying up the various bouquets and flower baskets and dipping her fingers into a bowl of water to flick the drops onto the blooms. Marie was the only one still wearing her party clothes, but now she too went off to exchange her pink frock for something simpler, as the atmosphere was becoming so dull anyway, with Lili’s head lolling on Georges’ shoulder and Paul sprawled in an armchair with his legs flung wide.
‘Freddie, be a dear and put that big basket on the side table in the conservatory, will you? It will only get in the way of the dancers tomorrow. I’m off upstairs now,’ said Marie.
‘All right,’ said Frédérique.
Marie left the room and Frédérique made to lift the flower basket, whereupon Paul drew himself up.
‘Need some help?’ he offered.
‘Yes, you could put this on the side table over there. Thank you.’
She took the bowl of water and followed Paul into the conservatory, from which all the wedding gifts had been removed save for the blue-satin suite. Now that the lights were out the place resembled a dark, leafy arbour. Paul stood with his hands in his pockets watching Frédérique as she besprinkled the flowers with water.
‘Freddie,’ he began, ‘there is something I want to ask you.’
‘Oh? What?’
‘You seem to have taken against me lately. Can you tell me why?’
‘Taken against you? Not at all. It’s just that I don’t feel particularly fond of you at the moment.’
‘And why not, may I ask?’
‘You’d know if you bothered to think about it,’ she replied. She moved away with her bowl of water, but he clasped both her wrists.
‘Don’t go off in a huff; put that bowl down and answer me properly.’
With gentle force he sat her down on a chair, and as he took the bowl from her she snatched her hands from his grasp. But she felt a moment’s triumph at the imploring look on his face, and made no effort to stand up again.
‘Now will you tell me what you have against me?’
The urgency in his tone flustered her.
‘You know what my main weakness is, Paul!’ she began. ‘You know I’m no good at pretending. It’s true that I am a bit annoyed with you, and apparently I can’t help showing it. I am sorry about that, but I assure you that I don’t do it on purpose at all. I shall try harder to hide my feelings then, shall I?’
‘There’s no need to be so bitter, Freddie. Why don’t you just tell me what’s bothering you?’
‘My dear Paul, what is there to say? I might start reproaching you, and I have no right to reproach you for anything at all.’
‘What if I gave you the right? I would rather hear your reproaches than all those snubs and cutting remarks I’ve been getting lately.’
‘Are you sure you want a lecture from me?’ she asked, softening towards him.
‘Oh yes, please, I would love that.’
‘You see? You’re joking already. I am perfectly happy to joke, but then let’s talk about something else and go back inside.’
‘No, no, not yet, this is the perfect place for a private conversation, and I am absolutely serious, honestly.’
She peered into his eyes, but it was too dark in the sombre shadow of the palm fronds for her to make out their expression. Lately she had noticed an edge of sarcasm creeping into his voice, which made her uneasy, and she could hear it even now, as he pleaded with her to speak her mind.
‘Well, you’re rather self-satisfied aren’t you? You talk about everything in such a flippant, patronising way these days.’
‘Ah, now we’re getting somewhere. Flippant, patronising — no, I was not aware that I spoke in that way. But why should I not be satisfied?’
‘Why not indeed? You lead such a useful life, don’t you?’
‘Oh, I can see what you’re getting at. You mean that I’m not working at Hovel’s any more. Actually, I’m planning to establish myself as a lawyer.’
‘Yes I know, at least, so I’ve heard.’
‘Well then, doesn’t that put your mind at rest?’
‘Put my mind at rest? Nonsense, Paul, there’s no need for that. Oh please let’s talk about something else. Far be it from me to urge you to make something of yourself. Honestly, I don’t care what you do, or if you do nothing at all. Shall we adjourn to the salon?’
‘Oh please, Freddie, don’t be so short with me. Georges and Lili are in the salon, spooning, as it happens, and we’d only disturb them if we went in there. I wish the two of us could be friends again, though.’
‘I didn’t know we were enemies.’
‘We’re not, but I can’t say a thing without you taking it amiss. And the fact that I’m not working at the moment can’t be the only reason why you’re so cool towards me. Go on, out with it, what else is there?’
She felt somewhat embarrassed, but tried not to show it.
‘As I told you before,’ she said, ‘what bothers me sometimes is your flippancy, and your patronising tone. You can sound awfully arrogant, you know. Like the other day, when you were talking about Georges and Lili.’
‘You mean because I thought it absurd — and I still do — that they should want to live together while they’re as poor as church mice? It’s entirely up to them what they do, of course, but why should it be arrogant to say what I think?’
‘Because not everyone is a millionaire, Paul.’
He looked at her intently.
‘I don’t know what you mean.’
‘It’s hardly difficult to understand, surely!’ she retorted with a short laugh.
‘You’re not saying I’m arrogant about not being penniless myself, are you?’
‘Well, yes I am, in a way.’
‘Oh come now, don’t be silly!’
‘Well, you do seem to be throwing your money around. You have a circle of friends, I gather, who take advantage of your purse, and you hold orgies with them at home, too, making it impossible for your poor mama to get any sleep.’