“There was no other choice.” He shrugged. “He had a gun in my face and he was depressing the trigger. It was kill or be killed. I chose to live. You go around leaving dead bodies and you’re drawing more attention than necessary.”
“Beats having a bunch of pissed off enemies following after you,” she commented dryly as she lifted the cup to her lips.
“The key is, you keep the enemy from knowing who you are or why you’re striking,” he told her, fighting to keep a measure of pride from his voice. Damn her, she was bloodthirsty as hell. He loved it. She wouldn’t balk if blood had to be shed, but she had to learn that there were different levels of enemies. Only the upper notch really deserved death. “Dead bodies leave a trail for the simple fact that everyone has a preferred way of killing. Mine’s the knife. If I left a string of bodies behind me, the media would start yelling vigilante. Someone I’ve worked with would hear it, and instantly, the facts of the killing would make him suspicious. There’s your first domino falling and toppling the rest.”
“So, learn another way to kill.” She was damned sure enjoying that coffee as well as whatever bloodthirsty little fantasies she must be having about now.
Dash sighed. “You’re not as hard as you’re pretending to be, baby. Taking a life isn’t that easy.”
“Killing Grange won’t cause me to lose even a moment’s sleep. It will help me sleep better,” she assured him, her voice hardening. “Don’t fool yourself, Dash. If I could have killed those bastards without my baby seeing it over the past two years, I would have. Easily.”
Dash nodded. “And I wouldn’t have blamed you, Elizabeth. But the heat of battle and killing in cold blood are two different things. Right now, you think it’s not. You’re filled with rage and a need for vengeance, and that’s good. It will keep you strong. Make you learn. But when the killing time comes, it won’t be so easy. It’s damned hard to pull that trigger and to know, know in your soul, the man you’re taking out deserves no more chances to live.”
“I thought you were harder than that, Dash.” She surprised him with her harsh words. Or maybe she didn’t, Dash thought. This rage had been brewing in her for a long time, hardening with each strike against her and her daughter.
He sighed wearily. “My first kill, Elizabeth, was against a monster. I knew he was a monster. He had brutalized men taken hostage. Had turned good, strong women into broken shells of humanity. He had nothing to redeem him. Except one thing. The man was a born fool over a tiny little scrap of humanity he had sired. He had nearly destroyed his little wife, but after that child was born, he treated her like gold because that kid loved her. I had to take him out to secure the release of two of my men he had imprisoned in a cellar room near the house. Didn’t have a choice. Even though I knew that kid and his mother would suffer. And I did what I had to do. It was him or my men. I made the choice. But I’ll regret having to make it to my dying day. Nearly everyone has a weakness. Somewhere, somehow. He didn’t deserve to live because nothing in this world was safe but that child and her mother. But, if she ever learns the identity of the man who pulled the trigger, she will come hunting. I knew it then. I know it now.”
Elizabeth finished her coffee, turned back and poured another cup. When she finished she turned back and watched him curiously. “Am I supposed to feel sorry for Grange now?” she asked him coldly.
Dash shook his head. “No, baby, I don’t expect that from you. I’d be surprised if you felt it. He doesn’t deserve your pity. The choice of life or death is yours to make. You’re the one who has to live with it, has to lie down and sleep at night with it. Just remember what I said. When it’s your life or theirs, it’s different. When it’s cold blood, you’re no more than the animal you’ve come to despise. And then, it gets damned hard to sleep at night. And damned hard to remember what makes you human. Now finish that coffee so I can teach you how to fight.”
Elizabeth watched as Dash cleared the living room, pushing furniture against the wall before folding out a large exercise mat he had hauled from Mike’s. He moved efficiently, gracefully for a man. There were no wasted actions, no puttering around. Within minutes the mat was unfolded and he turned back to her with a lift of his brow.
She lifted her coffee cup silently. She wasn’t finished. And she couldn’t attempt to focus on letting him teach her how to fight with her mind in the state of turmoil it was in now.
Could she kill Grange? That question haunted her now. She had been so certain before. Had convinced herself she could easily put a bullet between his eyes and never think twice. Anywhere. Anytime. Cassie wasn’t with her now. Her innocence wouldn’t be a casualty to the blood her mother shed.
She turned from Dash and stared out the window over the sink as he moved to the mat and began a series of warm-up exercises. The forest was thick, sheltering, hiding the little cabin perfectly.
A secure place, he had called it. A fellow soldier loaned it out. No big deal.
A friend. She noticed everyone was an acquaintance, a fellow soldier, part of the Forces. He had contacts to hell and back, and his voice reflected his respect and often affection for each man he had talked about. But he never called them friends. Never gave voice to the bond she could hear that tied them together. They were a part of a network of honor, of dedication to each other.
He had killed to save her and Cassie. He had killed to save his men. He had killed in the heat of battle and didn’t question the lives he had taken. It was kill or be killed. But he wouldn’t kill in cold blood. And she was terribly afraid she could.
Grange was a monster. As long as he was alive he would pose a threat to Cassie. He would never stop in his desire to take her. Men like that didn’t stop.
She sipped at the coffee, remembering the two years she had spent running. The lives Grange’s men had taken. The times they had hunted her without mercy, without emotion. As she finished the coffee and rinsed her cup slowly, she realized the haze of anger and pain that had filled her over the months had been slowly hardening inside her.
“Elizabeth?” She glanced at the reflection in the window, seeing Dash behind her, staring down at her gently.
She swallowed tightly. “Does it make me a monster too, Dash?” she asked him. “Am I unredeemable?”
His hands settled on her shoulders as he drew her to his chest, meeting her gaze in the window before them.
“There’s nothing more dangerous than a window, Elizabeth,” he told her rather than answering her question. “You feel safe in the house. Everyone does. They don’t think about windows. But hunters do. They watch the windows, hidden, safe, their sights trained on that small square as they wait for the target to pass by, to stop and admire the view. Then they have you.”
She stared back at him in shock. “So we’re standing here why?”
“You’re always vulnerable. Everyone is. And you’re smart enough to know that what comes around goes around. Grange is a monster. If he makes getting Cassie’s file a danger to you or me, then he’s dead. Period. If not by your hand, then by mine. Nature takes care of the diseased, baby. Eventually Grange will fall, if not sooner then later. When he does, there will be a dozen more monsters to take his place. It’s the way of evil. Always there.” He drew her away from the window, leading her to the mat. “Now get ready, because I’m going to put you on your ass.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
He did put her on her ass. More than once. Over and over. Snapping orders at her like a damned drill sergeant when she didn’t move as fast as she should have or how he thought he had explained to her.