He stared at her as if he were waiting for an answer, but she remained silent, wishing he would just turn the knob and disappear. He turned to face her again, and her heart leapt into her throat.
“They’ll know you’re lying,” he said. “I’ll tell them you threw yourself at me. That you fucked me against every surface in this goddamn room. And everyone will know what a whore you are.”
He turned back toward the door, cocking his head over his shoulder once more. “And I’ll tell them you sucked at it,” he added for good measure. “So if I were you, I’d keep my mouth shut.” He winked at her before he turned and yanked the door open, disappearing amid the crowd and the laughter and the talking, the cheers coming from the beer pong table.
She backed up then, trying to get away from him, from the party, from the entire night.
This was the point she always woke up. She’d stumble backward, her back hitting the cold glass of the shower again, and she’d burst into tears, waking in tears that were just as real as they were that night.
But this time, as she backed up, it wasn’t a rigid shower door behind her.
It was warm, and soft, and comfortable.
Two arms wrapped around her, and instead of retreating from their touch, she leaned into them, closing her eyes and feeling the security envelop her.
“It’s okay, Andie,” Chase whispered softly in her ear. “I’d never hurt you.”
Her eyes flipped open as she bolted upright on the couch, her heart pounding against her ribcage. Her whole body was shaking so violently that her teeth were chattering, and she brought her knees into her chest, hugging herself as she tried to stop the incessant trembling. She wasn’t sure if it was a result of the dream itself, or the new way it had ended, but a cloud of overwhelming guilt descended over her, mixing with the fear the dream typically invoked.
The sheer weight of it pinned her to the couch, and she closed her eyes, trying to fight her way back to the surface.
After about ten minutes of deep breathing, her body was still quivering and her stomach was churning relentlessly.
She didn’t want to be alone anymore.
Andie leaned over and grabbed her cell phone, hitting the speed dial for his number. She just wanted things to return to normal. She wanted to go back to a time when she felt happy and secure and confident in her choices again.
“Andie,” he answered, his voice gravelly with sleep. “What’s wrong? Everything okay?”
“Hi, I’m sorry to wake you up,” she said. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine. I just…I need you. Can you come over?”
She heard the sounds of him shifting in his bed. “Now?”
“Yes. I’m sorry.”
Colin made a noise in the back of his throat as he stretched. “No, it’s alright. I’ll be there in a few.”
“Okay,” she whispered, and he ended the call.
When Colin arrived twenty minutes later, Andie was still sitting on the couch, her knees pulled into her chest and a blanket wrapped around her shoulders.
“Hey,” he said softly, shutting the front door and pulling off his jacket. He was wearing a sweatshirt and track pants, his hair still rumpled with sleep.
“Hi,” Andie said sheepishly. “Thank you for coming.”
Colin smiled then, moving toward her and bringing his mouth to hers as he pressed her back onto the cushions.
Andie made a surprised noise against his lips, gently kissing him back as he crawled above her. She felt his hands push the blanket off her shoulders, and then his mouth was on her neck as he used his thighs to open her legs before settling between them.
“Colin,” she said.
He hummed softly as his hand made its way up her shirt, finding her breast and running his thumb over it as he pressed his hips in to hers.
“Colin,” she said again. “Wait.”
“What is it?” he said against her throat. “I’m here now, baby. I need you, too.”
It took her a second to process what he’d said, and as soon as she did, she felt like the world’s biggest idiot. Of course that’s what he thought she meant. What else would he think? She had called him in the middle of the night and asked him to come over. I just need you, she had told him.
Colin ground himself against her, bringing his mouth back to hers, and Andie brought her hands up to his shoulders, pushing him back slightly. Their lips broke contact with a tiny grunt of protest from him.
“What’s wrong?” he asked through his labored breath.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t…” Andie trailed off, running a hand over her eyes. “That’s not what I meant when I said I needed you.”
Colin pushed himself up slightly on his arms, and Andie opened her eyes, looking up at him.
“What did you mean then? What’s going on?”
She took a tiny breath. “I just didn’t want to be alone tonight. I had a bad dream,” she said softly, and even as the words left her mouth, she realized how ridiculous they sounded.
Andie watched his expression turn from perplexed to amused. “You had a bad dream?” he asked, fighting a smile.
She nodded beneath him.
He chuckled softly as he lowered himself back down to her. “Poor baby,” he crooned in her ear before he ran his tongue over the lobe. “Let me make it all better.”
“No, Colin, stop,” she said, shifting beneath him again. “I’m serious. I just…I don’t feel right.”
He pushed himself up onto his arms again, looking down at her with his brow furrowed.
“Can we just talk?” she asked.
“Talk,” he repeated. He inhaled deeply before running his hand down his face. “Yeah, we can talk.”
Colin lifted off of her and Andie shifted, pressing her body against the back of the couch to make room for him. He laid on his side and faced her, gripping her hip and pulling her against his body. Andie buried her face in his chest, and she felt him rest his chin on the top of her head.
“What was the dream about?”
Andie closed her eyes, shaking her head slightly. “I don’t want to talk about it,” she mumbled into his shirt, and she felt him take a deep breath before he exhaled heavily.
She could tell he was disappointed, although she wasn’t sure if it was because she had made him come to her apartment in the middle of the night over a dream she wouldn’t even tell him about, or because he thought he was coming over for sex and just got turned down.
She felt like she should give him something, she just didn’t know what. She knew she couldn’t bring herself to have sex with him, though. Not right now, with her emotions jumbled up the way they were. And she definitely wasn’t ready to talk about the dream.
Andie had been keeping so many things from him lately, and she couldn’t help but feel like the only way to make it better would be to offer something of herself up to him in this moment. Maybe doing so, even if it were the smallest thing, might be a step in the right direction.
One step closer to the way things used to be.
“I want to write a book,” she said suddenly, holding her breath as she waited for his response.
Colin reached up and smoothed his hand over the back of her head. “What kind of book?”
Andie felt her heart pick up as she smiled into his shirt. “A love story.”
He shifted beside her, pressing his lips against the crown of her head as he laughed softly. “You’re cute.”
Her smile dropped, and her heart immediately followed. “I’m cute?”
Colin nodded against her, kissing her head again.
“How is that cute?” she asked hollowly.
He leaned back, putting his fingers under her chin and forcing her to look up at him. “Don’t sound so wounded. I’m paying you a compliment.”
“Not really,” she said, looking up at him. “I don’t want to be called cute. I want to be taken seriously.”