“No, it’s okay. It’s just a headache. I’ll be fine. Stay. You hardly ever get to see these guys.”
There was a pause. “Are you sure?”
“Definitely,” she said.
“Do you want me to come by and check on you later?”
“No, I think I’m just gonna go to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Chase took his shot and missed, spurring a chorus of insults from Matt, none of which registered. He was straining to hear her voice again.
“Bye, guys,” she said, and Chase finally turned toward her.
“Andie, you’re leaving?” Tyler asked.
“Yeah, I have a headache, and I have to be at the restaurant early tomorrow anyway.”
“Aw, well, feel better hon,” Matt said, leaning over to kiss her cheek, and Chase longed for that indifference, for the ability to be so cavalier about touching her.
She blew a kiss to Tyler before she turned to Chase. “Bye, Chase,” she said with a forced nonchalance that was blatantly transparent to him.
He held up his hand. “Good night. Feel better.”
She turned, giving Colin a kiss and bringing her purse up to her shoulder, and he watched her walk out the door, his eyes not moving until it swung closed and concealed her from his sight.
“Alright, boys’ night out!” Tyler called, and Matt laughed.
“Dude, are you really gonna quote Billy Madison all night?”
Chase laughed, because he knew he was supposed to, but his mind was a million miles away from moronic movie quotes. Why did she leave? Was she really not feeling well? Or had she been looking for an escape as desperately as he had?
“Alright, rack ‘em again,” Matt called over his shoulder as he walked toward the bar to buy another round. “McGuire, get your head out of your ass, or you’ll be deemed chalk boy.”
Chase played another game, his motions listless and his thoughts scattered. He didn’t want to be out anymore. This wasn’t working. Nothing was going to work. He just needed time to get over this shit, and no amount of forced apathy was going to get him there any faster.
He managed to keep his head in the game long enough to win it for him and Matt, and as they started to rack them again, Chase placed his cue back on the wall.
“Alright, I’m gonna head out.”
“Are you serious? It’s only ten-thirty.”
“I know, but I got up early this morning. I’m fucking beat.”
“Come on, don’t be a pussy,” Tyler said.
“Shut up and let him go. I don’t want to buy this asshole any more drinks,” Matt chimed in, and Chase smiled and shook his head.
“Alright man,” Colin said. “Well, it was good to see you. Give me a call. We’ll catch a game together next week.”
Chase nodded, taking down the last of his beer, and as he turned and walked toward the door, he saw movement in his peripheral vision. He glanced over his shoulder to see the redhead from the bar approaching him.
Shit.
He had forgotten all about her, and now he slowed, even though he had no desire to stay in that bar for another minute.
“Hi,” she said, her voice sweetly shy.
“Hey,” Chase said, thrusting his hands in his pockets.
“I just wanted to thank you again,” she said. “I’m Jenna,” she added, holding out her hand.
“Chase,” he said, reaching for it.
She blushed again and looked down, holding onto his hand a few seconds longer than what would be appropriate for a handshake.
“So, Chase, are you leaving?”
“Um…actually, yeah,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck and looking at the door.
“Can I walk you out?”
Chase looked at her for a second before he nodded, and as the two of them turned toward the door, he heard a long whistle, followed by Colin’s voice. “Tired my ass, McGuire!” he called, and the laughter of the three men erupted behind him.
As soon as they were outside, Chase turned to her. “I’m sorry about that,” he said, gesturing with his head back toward the bar.
She waved her hand, dismissing them.
“Alright, so…” Chase trailed off. He felt sorry that he had bothered this girl, that he had managed to get her attention. She seemed sweet, but all he wanted at that moment was to be home.
Alone.
“So,” she said, bouncing slightly on her toes and wringing her hands in front of her. “Do you want to maybe go somewhere? Get some coffee or something?”
Asshole, Chase thought. I’m the world’s biggest asshole.
“Listen, Jenna,” he said, running his hand down his face. “I think you’re really beautiful.” She smiled, and he cringed internally. “But…I’m sorry…I gotta go.”
Her face dropped slightly, her eyes confused.
He couldn’t do it. Sleeping with this girl wasn’t going to help him get over anything; he had already attempted that ploy, and if anything, it just made him feel worse. Plus, he knew she didn’t deserve that. They had barely spoken a few words, but Chase could already tell that this wasn’t the type of girl you screwed on a rebound. He knew he was doing the right thing.
So then why did he feel like such a piece of shit?
“I’m sorry,” he said again, needing to get away from that look in her eyes. “I just…I hope you have a good night,” he added, walking quickly past her and fumbling with his keys as he approached his car.
He pulled out of the parking lot, refusing to look in the rearview mirror for fear that he’d see her still standing there, that confused look on her face.
It reminded him of the way he had left Andie the night before.
Jesus, how many times was he going to do this? When had he become such a prick?
She’ll get over it, Chase thought, making a turn without even bothering to use his signal. She doesn’t even know who you are. It’s not like she cared about you.
And while that helped alleviate his remorse over screwing with Jenna tonight, it did nothing to make him feel better about what he’d done to Andie.
He wanted to make it right.
Before he even consciously made the decision, he sped past the entrance to the highway that would take him home, continuing on straight.
He felt his foot growing heavy on the gas, and it seemed the closer he got to his destination, the more urgent his need became.
A few minutes later, he pulled his car haphazardly into an open space and hopped out, walking quickly up the pathway to her building. By the time he got to the stairs, he was jogging. He took them two at a time and approached her door, knocking immediately.
And in the silence that followed, he suddenly began to question his decision.
What if she left tonight because she didn’t want to see him? What if she slammed the door in his face? What if Colin found out he had been there?
Colin.
And suddenly, without warning, the thought of his friend brought a memory rushing back to Chase, as smoothly and easily as if Chase had just called his name and Colin had turned in his direction.
It was Chase and Colin’s senior year, and the first time in four years their school’s soccer team had made it to sectionals. It seemed like the entire town was at that game. Chase could still hear the screams, still feel the ground vibrating as the crowd stamped wildly in the stands, still feel the adrenalin surging through his veins. He hadn’t yet come down from the high of it, even as they were driving home, and every now and then, Colin would pump his fist out the driver’s side window while shouting something celebratory. Chase would follow suit, laughing the entire time; he couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this good, this…alive.
“This party tonight is gonna kick ass,” Colin said through a grin.
Chase nodded his agreement, playing a wild drum solo on the dashboard along with the radio. Two cars passed them then, covered in red and black streamers with “Go Devils” painted on the windows, their horns blasting as the passengers waved and shouted unintelligibly to Chase and Colin. They shouted back, laying on their horn and laughing.