She felt him rub his hands over her back, and she chewed fretfully on her lower lip, gradually loosening her hold around his neck. It was pointless to even try to refocus her purpose for coming now; she knew there was no way she could do it tonight, not after what he had just told her. There was no way she would ever allow herself to sully this moment for him.
“Congratulations,” she said with a soft smile as she pulled away from him.
“I’m the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet,” he said, loosening his tie with one hand as he reached for his wine with the other.
“Don’t say that,” Andie reprimanded softly. “This isn’t about luck. You worked really hard for that account.”
Colin nodded as he took another sip of wine. “I know,” he said, putting the glass down. “I just mean in general. Everything in my life is working out the way I’d hoped. I have everything I want.”
Andie swallowed, looking down as her stomach rolled uneasily.
“Well, almost everything,” she heard him say as he bent down to pick something up off the floor. When a few seconds passed and he hadn’t stood back up, she lifted her eyes to look at him, and her breath stopped her throat.
He was kneeling before her.
The glass of wine slipped from her hands, shattering on the floor in front of him.
“Oh God,” Andie sputtered, leaning over and reaching frantically for the paper towels.
His hand came up, gripping her wrist and stilling her movements. “Leave it,” he said softly, and she stopped, taking a trembling breath before she forced herself to look down at him.
She felt as if she might be sick, and she swallowed convulsively, unable to remove her eyes from the box in his hand, the diamond inside glittering delicately with refracted candlelight.
“When I got this account today, all I wanted to do was come home and share it with you. And I know that’s all I’m ever going to want.” He reached forward, taking her left hand gently. “Any experience I have, good or bad…I want it to be with you.” He looked up at her from under his lashes. “Marry me, Andie.”
In the split second that the words left his mouth, all the possible scenarios ran through her mind.
She could accept. She thought of her mother, choosing to marry a man because he was kind and intelligent and responsible, one who would make a good partner, a good father. It had all turned out well for her, hadn’t it? Would it really be so awful if Andie made the same choice?
She could say yes now, so as not to ruin the moment, and then tell him the truth about her feelings after things settled down. She could find a reason to break off the engagement once she had time to think it through.
She closed her eyes, swallowing forcefully again, because she already knew she wouldn’t do either of those things. There was no way she could agree to marry him knowing she wasn’t in love with him, and she didn’t have it in her to say yes only to call it off down the road. In their own way, both options were equally as cruel.
She found herself struggling to take a breath as her heart plummeted.
He was kneeling before her, offering her a future.
And in doing so, he was leaving her no choice.
“Colin,” she said, and her voice sounded far away, like it didn’t belong to her. “It’s beautiful.”
He smiled up at her, and she felt the stinging begin behind her eyes.
“I just,” she said, her voice barely a whisper, “I’m sorry…I can’t.”
His smile slowly faded, his eyes on hers, and he shifted his weight slightly, remaining on one knee. “I know it seems fast, Andie,” he said, his voice soft with persuasion, “but we love each other. What more is there?”
Andie dropped her eyes to the broken glass on the floor, shimmering with candlelight like the diamond in Colin’s hand.
“We could live together first,” he offered. “We don’t have to get married right away. Our engagement can be as long as you want it to be.”
A heavy silence descended over them, and Andie felt as though she might suffocate under the weight of it. She inhaled a quivering breath and lifted her eyes just in time to see Colin’s expression change; she watched the hope drain from his eyes like tears, and she had to look away again as her own began to well.
“Do you mean you can’t marry me now? Or you can’t marry me ever?” he asked, his voice hoarse.
She felt the tears rush down her cheeks before she looked back at him, his image immediately blurring as her eyes brimmed over once again. “I’m so sorry,” was all she could manage.
Colin looked down, his brow pulled together as he shook his head slightly. After a stunned second, he slowly raised his eyes back to Andie. “Is there someone else?”
Andie exhaled.
“No,” she said weakly.
“Well then, what is it?” he asked, his voice taking on a desperate quality as he stood and placed the ring box on the counter. “I mean, what’s happening here?”
“I…I just…” She trailed off, covering her face with both hands as she shook her head. This was not how she wanted to do this. She wanted to sit down with him, talk it out, try to show him how this was the best decision for both of them. She didn’t want to just blurt it out because she felt cornered.
How could she break his heart as he stood before her, offering her a lifetime with him?
“You just what?” Colin asked, his voice hollow.
She kept her hands over her face, the tears running hot and fast down her cheeks.
“You just what?” Colin repeated, a hint of anger creeping into his tone.
She opened her mouth, even though her mind hadn’t formulated a response, and she felt him grip her wrists and pull her hands away from her face.
“Jesus Christ, Andie, just say it,” he said, his voice full of frustration and his eyes full of hurt. “I deserve that much.”
Andie stood there, her wrists in his hands and the tears dripping off her chin. “I care about you. So much,” she said, her breath hitching between the words.
He stared at her face, his eyes searching hers, desperately needing his answer, and suddenly she felt something click inside her, leaving in its wake an eerie detachment, removing her from the moment long enough to say the words.
“But…I’m not in love with you.”
He stared at her for a second before he released her wrists, turning away and gripping the edge of the counter as he dropped his head.
Instinctively, she reached out to comfort him, but before she made contact, he leaned forward and grabbed the ring box with an abruptness that caused Andie to flinch.
She stood motionless, her hand still outstretched toward him, a combination of helplessness and contrition washing over her. Her eyes dropped to his hand, cradling the box that only moments ago held his future, and with a quick curl of his fingers, he snapped it closed, the sharp sound of it echoing through the apartment.
The door closing on them for good.
“Leave.”
Andie exhaled softly, finally dropping her outstretched hand. “Colin—”
“Leave.”
He turned from the counter so that his back was to her, his fist clenched around the ring box.
Her eyes brimmed over again as she whispered, “Can I just—”
“Get the fuck out of my apartment, Andie,” he said with a cold formality that caused a sharp pang in her chest.
She deserved it. She knew she did.
Her breath hitched again as she backed away from him, the broken glass crunching beneath her feet.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered before she turned and stumbled out of the kitchen. She felt clumsy and inept, almost like she was running underwater as she approached his door, and as soon as she was outside, her hand flew to her mouth as the first sob ripped from her throat with startling force. She staggered away from his apartment and back to her car, earning several stares from people passing by.