The toilet was operated by pressing down on a foot pedal and then pumping a lever. The lever opened a seal at the bottom of the bowl and the pedal let it pump up salt water to wash the bowl clean. As Herzer slumped down to his knees he made the remarkable discovery that the foot pedal could, in these circumstances, become a knee pedal and the lever was operable from that position.
Over the next few hours he made several other discoveries.
The door of the head was difficult to operate while slithering around on the floor.
The foot/knee pedal could also be operated by hand if you couldn’t even get up the energy to get to your knees.
The underside of the sink was remarkably free of graffiti. He felt he ought to add a manual for future adventurers. Little truisms to hold dear in those special and private moments when you’re looking at the underside of a sink.
Seasickness was one of the most unpleasant experiences in the world.
The man who invented the flush toilet was one of the most important persons ever to live on the face of the earth.
Knee and elbow pads: They’re not just for sword work outs anymore.
No matter how many times you pull the lever, sevens are not going to come up.
After a while, it all tastes like fish anyway.
When all the food was gone, the thyme just kept coming and coming and coming.
It started with what he came to call “the three-second rule.” You had the sudden, intense, knowledge that in three seconds you were going to be seeing the contents of your stomach. You had those three seconds to make a will, pray to the gods that if they got you out of this you were going to lead a straight life from now on, swim for shore or make it to the toilet.
When the three seconds were up the vomiting started. That would go on for what seemed like an eternity, whether you had anything in your stomach to vomit up or not.
When the vomiting was done there was a moment of blessed euphoria. You weren’t vomiting anymore. In fact, you felt almost human. You could wipe your face, wipe up any spills, try to get the door open, and do all the usual things that humans do, like think about whether you were going to die or the ship was going to sink.
Then came the lethargy. Suddenly, it was as if none of your muscles would function. All that you could do was sit on the floor and wait for it to pass. It would, in time; sometimes it seemed like days, but it passed. A few times it was so strong he felt himself stop breathing and had to will each breath with all his remaining might. Then, there was a brief moment when you thought it might be over, a few seconds perhaps ten when you felt really human. And then… the three-second rule came into play.
Herzer wasn’t sure how long this went on but it was hours at least. Finally, as he passed out of a lethargic stage, his stomach, while protesting, seemed to be under control and the “good” period extended beyond all normal ken. He dragged himself to his feet, using the basin and his good friend the toilet, figured out how to operate the insanely complex lock on the door and staggered down the corridor to his room.
The bucket had spilled at some point but Rachel had cleaned up most of the detritus. The room still smelled foul. After careful consideration he grabbed the coat the kindly Navy had issued him, which was made of heavy wool, and staggered back down the corridor, out onto the deck and down to the mainmast. When he got there he wrapped himself around it and fell dead asleep.
Joel had never been so glad to go on duty in his life. It was apparent that most of the crew was relatively inexperienced with life at sea and a good many of them had succumbed to seasickness as soon as the ship exited the bay. He’d been sleeping and hadn’t really paid much attention to the change in motion until someone slammed into his tier of bunks. His eyes flew open and he started to roll off the bunk, expecting an attack, when he heard the retching.
“Get it out of the compartment for God’s sake,” he muttered, lying back down. But the smell was intense in the crowded compartment and others had begun to react from a combination of seasickness and sympathetic nausea. He could even feel himself starting to get queasy. Finally he rolled out of the bunk, grabbed his peacoat and headed up on deck.
The wind was fresh and clean, which was a pleasant change from below, but there were plenty of puking sailors up on the maindeck as well. He headed forward to the bowsprit and stood looking down at the ship’s “foot,” the wave that the ship pushed up in front of it. Sometimes dolphins would come up and ride in the foot but at the moment all there was was foamy white water, just visible in the gathering darkness. He had another few hours before he had to go on duty and what he’d like to be doing was sleeping. But given the conditions in the compartment, he’d have a better chance up here. So he curled up against the lines at the base of the bowsprit, pulled up the collar of his coat and nodded into a restless sleep.
The dinging of eight bells and the movement of the watch woke him up and he hurried to the small galley at the rear of the ship. It was mainly to keep hot cider going for the crew and officers on the quarterdeck. As he moved across the maindeck towards his duty station the companionway from the officer’s quarters opened up and a large figure stumbled onto the deck. He was one of General Edmund’s party, an aide or something, and obviously not enjoying the voyage.
Come to think of it, Edmund figured largely in that horrible “true-life tale” he’d been reading. If there was any truth to the book at all, this guy probably knew some of the people involved, maybe even the lousy writer. He’d have to pump him for information sometime. But not when he was so seasick he didn’t even notice the steward in the darkness. The guy stumbled across the deck and more or less collapsed at the base of the mainmast. If that was a Blood Lord, the book had to be pure fiction.
Sometime during the night Herzer had made his way back to his cabin and when he awoke Rachel was already gone. She had cleaned up from the night before and the air held only a hint of foulness. He rolled out of the bunk, put on his last clean uniform and staggered down the corridor to the wardroom.
Besides Rachel, Duke Edmund and Commander Mbeki were seated at the table looking at cups of tea. Just… looking.
“Morning,” Herzer muttered, slamming into the hard seat as a wave caught him.
“Morning, Lieutenant,” the commander said. “Enjoying yourself?”
“It was great right up until we cleared the bay,” Herzer said. “After that a combination of that bastard Newton and some stomach bug has made it less pleasant.”
A steward stuck his head in the room and looked around.
“Food?” he asked.
“I’ll take a rasher of bacon,” the commander said. “And three eggs. Up. More tea and some for Herzer.”
“I think I could handle a bowl of mush,” Herzer muttered. “If you’ve got it.”
“Coming right up. Duke? Miss?”
“Nothing for me,” Rachel said.
“I’ll take some mush, too,” the duke replied. “I think I can keep it down. And if I can’t it’s at least soft coming up.”
“Is your throat as sore as mine, sir?” Herzer asked, his voice hoarse.
“I suspect so,” Edmund said. “I just realized that in my long and varied career, I had spent it all on land. I had no idea I was susceptible to seasickness.”
“Just about everyone is,” the commander interjected. “Most get over it after a couple of days at most. There are some, however, who never do. There are also those who say that keeping your stomach full helps. I think they’re cracked, frankly. Oh, and if you had shipped out before the Fall, you’d never have known; your nannites would have easily corrected it before the first symptoms.”