Kate returned to the window, tying back her long brown hair. He could see her watching him through the reflection in the window. She wasn’t much for arguing unless she was convinced she was right. She’d made her point. “I’ll talk to him when I get home, okay?” he asked, trying to put the topic to rest. She nodded and came back over to the couch. “I’m sorry,” he added.
“It’s okay.” She sat down next to him. “I get it.”
Somehow she always did.
Kate’s mom opened the basement door about an hour later and called down, “I’m going to bed now guys. Kate, you need to come upstairs. Danny, would you like me to drive you home?”
“No thanks Jackie,” he replied, looking at his watch. 10:18. “I’m good with the bike.”
“Okay,” she answered. “Just sit out the storm awhile, all right?”
“I will,” he paused. “Thanks Jackie.”
Danny and his best friend Cameron came over to Kate’s house almost every weekend to watch sports and play pool. Cameron’s girlfriend Jenna was Kate’s best friend, and the four of them formed a tight little circle. They had no interest in the typical high school social scene. Hanging out by the fireplace and the TV, laughing and talking, that was their kind of party.
Kate was an only child. Her dad had died of a heart attack three years ago, her first week of eighth grade. Her mom had basically taken on both parental roles since then, especially when it came to rules. Mrs. Becker—or Jackie, as she now preferred to be called—was pretty strict. Kate wasn’t officially allowed to date, and she was never allowed outside the house after 10 p.m. She always had to go to her own room when her mom went to bed, if Jenna wasn’t there. Tonight, Cam and Jenna were at a late movie, which meant an early split for Danny and Kate. But Danny didn’t object. He was grateful enough that Jackie, without prying, seemed to understand the dynamics at home right now and let him stay as late as he wanted.
Kate leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll see you in the morning,” she said loud enough for her mom to hear. Her brown eyes twinkling, she winked at Danny before she stood and headed towards the stairs. Danny smiled and kicked his feet up on the table, turning his attention back to a Saturday Night Live rerun. He laughed as Peyton Manning hurled a ball at a little kid. This is one of the best SNLs ever! He heard the door close at the top of the stairs.
A couple minutes later he heard the basement door reopen. That was fast. She usually waited an hour before coming back down. Must have forgotten something. Then he saw two sets of feet come down the steps. He sat up. Kate’s were the first set of feet. His fourteen-year-old sister was right behind her, soaked and hysterical.
Danny jumped to his feet. “Hayley, what’s wrong?” He walked quickly to her. “What’d he do?”
She shook her head. “Dad didn’t do anything, Dan.” She choked up, covered her mouth and began sobbing again. “It’s Mom…”
Danny knew what she was going to say before she said it. Now he knew why Dad had been calling.
“She’s−” Danny pulled her into his chest, muffling the last word. He didn’t want to hear it.
Danny shook his head, and raindrops scattered off his hood. Dad had been first on the scene and held her in his arms as she died. She’d only had a few minutes left, but Mom had asked Dad to “please call Danny.” Dad had tried. Nine times. But Danny had deliberately ignored him. That had always haunted him. If I’d only listened to Kate! He knew what Mom would have said. She would have asked him to forgive Dad, to please do it for her. He wouldn’t have wanted to hear it, but maybe it would have gotten through to him. The one thing Danny did know is that he would have given anything to have heard his mother say, in person, that she loved him. Supposedly those were her last words. “Tell him I love him.” That’s what she said to Dad. Why couldn’t you have just picked up? He chided himself.
Instead, the last thing Mom knew before she died was that her son wasn’t willing to give his dad a chance. Now, standing in the rain on what would have been Mom’s fortieth birthday, they were saying goodbye to her again.
As he watched his dad kneel by his mother’s grave and place his head on her tombstone, Danny couldn’t help but hate how cold he’d been to his father for so many years. It didn’t take a psychologist to know his dad’s remorse had been genuine. A little growing up in the Marines had allowed Danny to realize that and forgive his dad for leaving them, but it still hadn’t allowed him to forgive himself. “I’m sorry, Mom,” Danny whispered. “I’m still sorry.”
He walked over and tapped his dad on the shoulder. I’ll take care of him, Mom. Promise. “We need to go, Dad.”
TWO: (Ryan) “Over and Over”
I nudged a lock of long blond hair off her freckled shoulder. She had her back to me, sleeping peacefully, sunlight sprinkling in through the shuttered window. I leaned forward and gently kissed that smooth shoulder as she shifted, and a wave of her beautiful hair splashed down on my pillow. I traced a finger down the small of her back and kissed her naked shoulder again. This time she turned all the way to face me and opened her eyes. “Good morning,” I said. She didn’t respond. She never did. I never got to see more of her. I always woke up then, and the cold of the mattress where she used to lie would slice through my hand, and my heart, like a knife. She was never there. It was always that same damn dream. I’d squeeze my eyes shut as quickly and tightly as I could, but she wouldn’t come back. The sobering truth never let me go back to sleep, and reality never let Sophie wake up.
Today was Sophie’s birthday, but she was dead. I shook my head as I knelt by her tombstone in the rain, rehashing that dream I’d had so many times. It was a flashback to the morning after our final night at the cabin together. The last weekend of summer vacation, three months before she died. The night she’d told me she was pregnant. It was the happiest I’d seen her in years.
We never did find out the baby’s gender. We had with all the other kids, but we wanted to be surprised this time. She was only a few weeks into her second trimester at the time of the accident. She was finally starting to show and we were going to tell the kids that weekend. I never did. Losing her was more than enough pain for them. That morning though… man… she’d never looked so beautiful. She’d never looked so serene. I always seemed to have that dream up here. It made sense, I guess, in some odd way. We weren’t lying all that far apart. We were just in different cold beds. I’d always treasured those tender moments of remembered warmth. And I would even more now, not knowing if I’d ever be back.
Danny tapped my shoulder. “We need to go, Dad.”
I traced a “+1” sign on the ground for our unborn baby, rose to my feet, and planted one last kiss on her headstone. “I’m sorry, Sophie,” I whispered. “I don’t want to leave.”
“She knows we have to, Dad,” Danny said, gently pulling on my arm. “She understands.”
I nodded, closed my eyes, gave her one more “I love you,” added a “goodbye baby,” and then turned to my twenty-year-old son. Man, he looked so much like her. “Okay then,” I sighed deeply. “Let’s go.”