2. The separate worlds of boys and girls: Eleanor Maccoby and C. N. Jacklin, "Gender Segregation in Childhood," in H. Reese, ed., Advances in Child Development and Behavior (New York: Academic Press, 1987).
3. Same-sex playmates: John Gottman, "Same and Cross Sex Friendship in Young Children," in J. Gottman and J. Parker, eds., Conversation of Friends (New York: Cambridge University Press, 1986).
4. This and the following summary of sex differences in socialization of emotions are based on the excellent review in Leslie R. Brody and Judith A. Hall, "Gender and Emotion," in Michael Lewis and Jeannette Haviland, eds., Handbook of Emotions (New York: Guilford Press, 1993).
5. Brody and Hall, "Gender and Emotion," p. 456.
6. Girls and the arts of aggression: Robert B. Cairns and Beverley D. Cairns, Lifelines and Risks (New York: Cambridge University Press, 1994).
7. Brody and Hall, "Gender and Emotion," p. 454.
8. The findings about gender differences in emotion are reviewed in Brody and Hall, "Gender and Emotion."
9. The importance of good communication for women was reported in Mark H. Davis and H. Alan Oathout, "Maintenance of Satisfaction in Romantic Relationships: Empathy and Relational Competence," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 53, 2 (1987), pp. 397-410.
10. The study of husbands' and wives' complaints: Robert J. Sternberg, "Triangulating Love," in Robert Sternberg and Michael Barnes, eds., The Psychology of Love (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1988).
11. Reading sad faces: The research is by Dr. Ruben C. Gur at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine.
12. The exchange between Fred and Ingrid is from Gottman, What Predicts Divorce, p. 84.
13. The marital research by John Gottman and colleagues at the University of Washington is described in more detail in two books: John Gottman, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1994), and What Predicts Divorce.
14. Stonewalling: Gottman, What Predicts Divorce.
15. Poisonous thoughts: Aaron Beck, Love Is Never Enough (New York: Harper and Row, 1988), pp. 145-46.
16. Thoughts in troubled marriages: Gottman, What Predicts Divorce.
17. The distorted thinking of violent husbands is described in Amy Holtzworth-Munroe and Glenn Hutchinson, "Attributing Negative Intent to Wife Behavior: The Attributions of Maritally Violent Versus Nonviolent Men," Journal of Abnormal Psychology 102, 2 (1993), pp. 206-11. The suspiciousness of sexually aggressive men: Neil Malamuth and Lisa Brown, "Sexually Aggressive Men's Perceptions of Women's Communications," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 67 (1994).
18. Battering husbands: There are three kinds of husbands who become violent: those who rarely do, those who do so impulsively when they get angered, and those who do so in a cool, calculated manner. Therapy seems helpful only with the first two kinds. See Neil Jacobson et al., Clinical Handbook of Marital Therapy (New York: Guilford Press, 1994).
19. Flooding: Gottman, What Predicts Divorce.
20. Husbands dislike squabbles: Robert Levenson et al., "The Influence of Age and Gender on Affect, Physiology, and Their Interrelations: A Study of Long-term Marriages," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 67 (1994).
21. Flooding in husbands: Gottman, What Predicts Divorce.
22. Men stonewall, women criticize: Gottman, What Predicts Divorce.
23. "Wife Charged with Shooting Husband Over Football on TV," The New York Times (Nov. 3, 1993).
24. Productive marital fights: Gottman, What Predicts Divorce.
25. Lack of repair abilities in couples: Gottman, What Predicts Divorce.
26. The four steps that lead to "goodfights" are from Gottman, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail.
27. Monitoring pulse rate: Gottman, Ibid.
28. Catching automatic thoughts: Beck, Love Is Never Enough.
29. Mirroring: Harville Hendrix, Getting the Love You Want (New York: Henry Holt, 1988).
Chapter 10. Managing With Heart
1. The crash of the intimidating pilot: Carl Lavin, "When Moods Affect Safety: Communications in a Cockpit Mean a Lot a Few Miles Up," The New York Times (June 26, 1994).
2. The survey of 250 executives: Michael Maccoby, "The Corporate Climber Has to Find His Heart," Fortune (Dec. 1976).
3. Zuboff: in conversation, June 1994. For the impact of information technologies, see her book In the Age of the Smart Machine (New York: Basic Books, 1991).
4. The story of the sarcastic vice president was told to me by Hendrie Weisinger, a psychologist at the UCLA Graduate School of Business. His book is The Critical Edge: How to Criticize Up and Down the Organization and Make It Pay Off "(Boston: Little, Brown, 1989).
5. The survey of times managers blew up was done by Robert Baron, a psychologist at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, whom I interviewed for The New York Times (Sept. 11, 1990).
6. Criticism as a cause of conflict: Robert Baron, "Countering the Effects of Destructive Criticism: The Relative Efficacy of Four Interventions," Journal of Applied Psychology 75, 3 (1990).
7. Specific and vague criticism: Harry Levinson, "Feedback to Subordinates" Addendum to the Levinson Letter, Levinson Institute, Waltham, MA (1992).
8. Changing face of workforce: A survey of 645 national companies by Towers Perrin management consultants in Manhattan, reported in The New York Times (Aug. 26, 1990).
9. The roots of hatred: Vamik Volkan, The Need to Have Enemies and Allies (Northvale, NJ: Jason Aronson, 1988).
10. Thomas Pettigrew: I interviewed Pettigrew in The New York Times (May 12, 1987).
11. Stereotypes and subtle bias: Samuel Gaertner and John Davidio, Prejudice, Discrimination, and Racism (New York: Academic Press, 1987).
12. Subtle bias: Gaertner and Davidio, Prejudice, Discrimination, and Racism.
13. Relman: quoted in Howard Kohn, "Service With a Sneer," The New York Times Sunday Magazine (Now. 11, 1994).
14. IBM: "Responding to a Diverse Work Force," The New York Times (Aug. 26, 1990).
15. Power of speaking out: Fletcher Blanchard, "Reducing the Expression of Racial Prejudice," Psychological Science (vol. 2,1991).
16. Stereotypes break down: Gaertner and Davidio, Prejudice, Discrimination, and Racism.
17. Teams: Peter Drucker, "The Age of Social Transformation," The Atlantic Monthly (Nov. 1994).
18. The concept of group intelligence is set forth in Wendy Williams and Robert Sternberg, "Group Intelligence: Why Some Groups Are Better Than Others," Intelligence (1988).
19. The study of the stars at Bell Labs was reported in Robert Kelley and Janet Caplan, "How Bell Labs Creates Star Performers," Harvard Business Review (July-Aug. 1993).
20. The usefulness of informal networks is noted by David Krackhardt and Jeffrey R. Hanson, "Informal Networks: The Company Behind the Chart," Harvard Business Review (July-Aug. 1993), p. 104.