I turned around and saw a grin on his face.
“If you are to order my punishment,” I said, standing straight and tall, “my only wish is that you have the mercy to make it quick.”
As I spoke, I tightened the laces on my gown. What more could I achieve? Since moving to the Forbidden City I had ceased being an ordinary person. What would Big Sister Fann’s reaction be when she learned that I had addressed the Son of Heaven as one equal spirit to another? I smiled just thinking about Big Sister Fann’s face. She would spread the story of the “legendary Orchid” until her lips grew blisters.
Almost with elation I told His Majesty that I was ready for the eunuchs to remove me.
Hsien Feng made no move. He seemed surprised at the situation. But what he felt no longer mattered to me. All my waiting for tomorrow’s luck was over. My soul was set free.
“You interest me,” the Emperor said, and a smile traveled across the sealed lips.
This seemed to be the Imperial style of torture.
“Tell me that you feel remorse for what you have done.” He walked up to me until his face was inches away. There was a gentleness in his gaze. “It is too late even if there is regret. Begging is of no use. I am in no mood to grant mercy. Not one ounce. I have no more mercy to give.”
For that reason alone I pity you. I shot my words at him with my eyes. I was glad that I was not in his position. He could order my death, but he couldn’t order himself one. What kind of power was his, then? He was his own captive.
His Majesty insisted on learning my thoughts. After a moment’s hesitation I decided to reveal them. I told him I pitied him although he appeared to be powerful. I told him it was not impressive that he picked not an equal but me, a defenseless slave, to punish. I told him I wouldn’t resent him for punishing me, because I could see he had to find someone on whom to take out his frustration, and there was nothing easier than beheading a concubine.
As I spoke, I expected him to become enraged. I expected him to call the eunuchs to drag me out and the guards to poke me with their swords. But His Majesty did just the opposite. Instead of bursting with rage, he became calm. He seemed to be truly affected by my words. His expression became the work of a poorly skilled clay sculptor who intended to make a cheerful face but instead made a bitter one.
His Majesty slowly sat himself down on the edge of the bed and waved for me to sit by him. I obeyed. The sound of the yoo-hoo-loo outside the window was loud but not unpleasant. The moonlight threw shadows of a magnolia on the floor. I felt strangely peaceful.
“How about a simple conversation?” he asked.
I didn’t feel like responding, so I remained silent.
“You don’t have anything more to say?”
“I have said it all, Your Majesty.”
“You… are smiling!”
“Are you offended?”
“No. I like it. Keep smiling… Did you hear what I said?”
I felt my facial expression freeze at his order.
“What’s wrong? Your smile has disappeared. Get it back! I want to see that smile back on your face. Put it back. Now!”
“I am trying, Your Majesty.”
“It is not there! You have taken my smile away! How dare…”
“How about this, Your Majesty?”
“No, that is not a smile. That is a grin. An ugly one. Do you need help?”
“Yes.”
“Tell me how, then.”
“Your Majesty could tell me my name.”
“Your name?”
“Do you know my name?”
“What a wicked question! No, of course I don’t.”
“I am your wife. I am your consort of the fourth rank.”
“Indeed?”
“My name, Your Majesty?”
“Would you kindly remind me?”
“Would I? Has anyone in this realm had the luck to hear the Son of Heaven say ‘Would you kindly’?”
“What’s your name? Come on!”
“Why bother?”
“His Majesty wants to bother!”
“He’d better not. It’ll give him nightmares.”
“How so?”
“I have no idea whether I shall turn into a good ghost. And a bad ghost chases after the living. I assume you are aware of that.”
“I see.” He got up and walked barefoot to a golden tray on his desk. On the tray was a bamboo chip with my name on it. “Lady Yehonala.” He picked up the chip and cupped it in his hand. “How does your family call you, Yehonala?”
“Orchid.”
“Orchid.” He nodded and murmured the name repeatedly as he dropped the chip back onto the tray. “Well, Orchid, maybe you’d like to ask me to grant you a last wish.”
“No, I would like to get my life over with as soon as possible.”
“I shall certainly honor that. Anything else?”
“No.”
“Well then,” the Emperor said, “perhaps before you die you may wish to know how you came to be here tonight.” The Emperor’s effort to appear stern could not hide a faint smile.
“I wouldn’t mind, no,” I managed.
“Well, it all began with Chief Eunuch Shim telling me a story… Come, Orchid, lie here with me. It wouldn’t hurt, would it? Maybe this will turn you into a good ghost.”
As I climbed into the bed, my gown became tangled.
“Off, take your dress off.” Emperor Hsien Feng pointed his finger at my gown.
I revealed my body with embarrassment. What a strange play to be part of!
“It was a story about the Emperor Yuan Ti of the Han Dynasty.” His Majesty’s tone was warm and charged with energy. “Like myself he owned thousands of concubines whom he never saw. He had time only to pick them from their portraits, which were painted by the court artist, Mao Yen-shou. The concubines showered gifts on the painter in the hope that he would make them look as desirable as possible. The loveliest of all the concubines was an eighteen-year-old girl named Wang Ch’ao-chun. She possessed a strong character and didn’t believe in bribery. She thought that it would be all right if the artist painted her as she really was. But of course Mao Yen-shou painted a terrible portrait of her. The painting failed to do justice to her beauty. As a result, Emperor Yuan Ti knew her not.
“In those days many dignitaries came to pay homage at the court, among them Shang Yu, the Great Khan, who reigned over the Turkomans of the Huns. Wishing to strengthen the ties of friendship with this powerful neighbor, Emperor Yuan Ti offered him one of his own concubines as a wife. And Emperor Yuan Ti gave him Wang Ch’aochun, whom he had never seen.
“When the bride, who had come to bid farewell, appeared before Yuan Ti, the Emperor was struck dumb by her beauty. He had not known that his harem contained a maiden of such transcendent loveliness. He desired her right on the spot, but it was too late-Wang Ch’ao-chun was his no longer.
“As soon as the couple departed, Yuan Ti ordered Mao Yen-shou’s beheading. Even so, the Emperor was forever haunted by the memory of the maiden and by regret for the happiness that might have been his.”
Emperor Hsien Feng gazed at me. “I summoned you because I didn’t want to suffer the regret Yuan Ti did. You are as beautiful as Chief Eunuch Shim described. You are Wang Ch’ao-chun’s incarnation. But Shim failed to tell me that you are also a lady of character. You are better than the orange-peel tea they make me drink. It is delicious, but I find no pleasure in its taste.
“It is the same with everything these days. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy Wang Ch’ao-chun even if she existed. And I am wondering about you. All I can think of, I’m afraid, is the shrinking map of China. Enemies are coming from all directions. They have grabbed me by the throat and spit in my face. I am beat up and shot through. Why should I-how can I-sleep with you or any concubine? To pass on a living man’s worst nightmare? I am incapable of producing an heir. I am no different from a eunuch.”
He began to laugh. There was a wrenching sadness in his manner and voice, which touched me. I knew the map he was talking about. It was the same map my father had shown me. The man in front of me reminded me of my father. He too had desperately desired to bring back the honor of the Manchus, and yet he ended up deserting his post. I felt the shame His Majesty bore. It was the same shame that killed my father.