“All this means little to me. I would be the happiest of men if I could have you by my side,” he said, looking deep into my eyes.
“Highness,” I replied in amazement, “I am already by your side!”
“Heavenlight, are you so very blind?” he asked and ran away.
I was filled with a sweet sadness mingled with anger. I remembered the first time we had met: The boy had been smaller than me. Now he was taller than me and wore the beginnings of a mustache. Was I so very blind? Little Phoenix had become a man. He was no longer a little boy seeking the wisdom and consolation of a sister; the feelings he now nurtured for me were a man’s. He saw me as a woman!
The heir found a thousand excuses to visit the Palace of Precious Dew. He tried to catch my eye, but I avoided him and lowered my eyes. As a Talented One of the fifth rank, my body and soul belonged to the sovereign even though he had never honored me. Little Phoenix was expecting an incestuous affection from me that I could not grant him. How had he dared confuse me with those poor women he had seduced and promptly abandoned? How could he allow himself to consider me as an object of amusement and distraction? I wanted us to be connected by an undying friendship, and he was offering me a transient love that would fade with time.
He managed to follow me to the private washroom. He stood blocking the doorway and spoke: “Why are you hiding yourself? Why don’t you want to speak to me? If I have behaved tactlessly, please forgive me!”
I avoided his eyes and said: “Before, your Highness was a child, now he has become and man and is heir to the Empire. The Ancients say that a man and a woman should keep a respectful distance. I no longer wish to speak freely with your Highness. Let me go.”
“Talented One, you are so formal with me now! Why are you so cold and unkind? And I think of you every day. Here, look, I’ve been to the market to buy the quince jelly you like so much. Don’t you know that since Little Bull’s death you are the person dearest to me? Heavenlight, be kind, give me a smile. Tell me you’re not angry.”
Hearing him speaking like that, I thought I might have misinterpreted his intentions. I regretted being susceptible and ate the delicacy he had put in my hand.
Nothing would ever be the same again.
My conversations with Little Phoenix had lost all their spontaneity. Now that he was Supreme Son, he was careful about his clothes and makeup. His tunics were sumptuous garments gleaming with pearls and precious stones. His face, with its light dusting of powder, looked even more pure and delicate. The perfume he wore made my heart beat faster, and I often forgot what I wanted to say to him. Somewhere deep inside I felt a new kind of happiness. For the first time in that Forbidden City, someone was showing an interest in my life and my death. Little Phoenix said that, without me, he would never overcome his fears and his weakness; he did not know that, without him, I would be just one more unhappy soul among the ten thousand women growing a little older every day in the Inner Palace.
In the Eighteenth year of Pure Contemplation, the kingdom of Korea invaded the kingdom of Sinra on the peninsular. When the King of Sinra called for his help, the Emperor decided to set off on a campaign against our hereditary enemies, the Koreans. On the fourteenth day of the tenth moon, the ceremonial regiments, the imperial guards, the government, and the gynaeceum escorted the sovereign to the eastern capital, Luoyang, where an army of one hundred thousand warriors was to gather.
As the horses galloped on, I looked through the curtains of my carriage and could see troops maneuvering in a cloud of dust on the horizon. That night, the imperial bivouacs stretched out over the entire plain that was turned into an ocean of light by the countless camp fires.
One night, when I was taking out my topknot before the mirror, someone raised the curtain to my tent without asking to be announced. I recognized the heir, wrapped in a thick fur coat. Seeing him, Ruby and Emerald prostrated themselves and withdrew. I understood too late that they were accomplices to this reckless act. The heir was already sprawling on a cushion behind me. He was agitated and told me how he had stepped over drunken servants and slipped through the guards.
I begged him to leave. But he protested: “As I’ve been unable to flee my retinue during the daytime since we left the Capital, it is now half a moon since we have seen each other. Tonight, I decided to take a risk because I have come to tell you something important.”
I could see him in the mirror, still trying to catch my eye. I stood up, put on my coat, and made for the door. He caught the hem of my tunic.
“We are alone. My people are watching the door. No one knows I am here. Listen to me first, then I shall leave.”
“Well then, please, may your Highness move further away from me and sit down.”
Little Phoenix went and sat obediently in a corner. I sat facing him at the far side of the room. He looked at his hands on his knees and said nothing. I watched a candle spilling its tears, and I too was silent. Suddenly he looked up.
“Heavenlight, I am to have a second child.”
I was about to congratulate him when he said: “Those women don’t count. There is only one person who fills my days and nights,” he said, and then lowered his voice before adding, “she is not like all the women at Court: the bland, formal, calculating women. She is spontaneous as a horse, pure as a river, free as the air. I venerate her, and I fear her. I suffer when I think I cannot be one with her.”
He broke off. His eyes were like two dancing flames in the half darkness. Outside the North Wind blew, and one of the watchmen struck the gong. It was late. Then he suddenly started stammering: “I want to teach you what true pleasure is. I know that you would like the abandon, the excesses. I’ll be gentle with you, you’ll see. And you would slowly become a woman. You would be the most beautiful woman in the Empire!”
Tears came to my eyes, but my voice was hard: “Go, Highness. What your Highness is doing is improper.”
He stared at me for a moment, then stood up and slipped away.
LUOYANG, THE EASTERN capital. Along the avenues icicles hung from every roof, and the trees were covered with buds of frost. The River Luo was frozen, a long, winding sigh reaching up to the weary sky. In the Forbidden City, only the winter plum trees braved the cold with their subtle fragrance. I stayed in the pavilions with my hands inside my sleeves and my feet up against bronze heaters, and I learned news of the outside world from the eunuchs. It seemed that regiments had come from the four corners of the Empire and had set up camp beside the town. Their garrisons had turned the countryside into an ocean of banners and horses. Accompanied by the heir, the Emperor would climb to the highest point of the Southern Gate and take command of the soldiers’ training sessions.
At the beginning of January, the peripatetic monk Xuan Zang returned, and this delayed our armies’ departure. After covering tens of thousands of lis and living for seventeen years traveling the western kingdoms, he came back to the eastern capital laden with sacred manuscripts gathered in the land of Buddha. The Emperor received him during his audience, covered him with gifts, and appointed him master monk at the Temple of Immense Felicity. The Precious Wife invited Xuan Zang to the Inner Court, and he stepped up onto a stage of lotus flowers where he gave a speech about the Buddha of the Future, Maitreya, who had promised to be reincarnated on Earth to guide millions of believers toward eternal peace.