"Go ahead," Cudak urges. "I eat too many of these things as it is."
I eat one of the Drac candies and am transported to worlds of taste to which it would be easy to become addicted. "Thank you, Cudak. It is delicious."
"The least I can do for a fellow Gitohri."
"You are from Gitoh?"
Cudak shrugs. "Actually from Hune, just west."
"I know Hune. My friend moved to Hune four years ago when the fighting on the east of Gitoh became too much for its parent."
Cudak frowned as it thought. "Your friend; was that Dielo Ino?"
"Why, yes. Do you know Ino?"
A sadness fills its face. "I did before my parent was killed and I found myself with Ravin Nis waiting for the Selector. I haven’t been back since Choi Leh chose me and I left to become another student soldier for the Okori Sikov."
Cudak had fought for the Mavedah, as I had, and had managed to have itself smuggled off planet through a thoroughly corrupt Mavedah gunnery officer it knew. We talked for a long time about children we had both known, Mavedah commanders we had both served under, and three of the battles we had both been in, especially Douglasville.
Cudak talked about the wounds it had taken at Douglasville, its beloved commander who had been slain. I vaguely remember hearing of Bas Sharah’s death after my Min had been butchered. I had been in such pain, Bas Sharah’s death had hardly registered on my awareness. I could see, though, that the pain of it was still with Gay Cudak. When it was finished, and we had shared a few tears, I talked about Min and the human with the flute. After that a flood of pain burst through and I talked about it all, Avo, the Front Twelve, Pina―all of them. In time I talk of Jeriba Shigan, Matope, Koboc and my fears and doubts about the talma and my role in it. With each word I feel myself healing from the inside out. When I am done, I see in Cudak that most valuable of individuals: a friend.
As I rise to go to bed, I place an affectionate hand on its shoulder, and wish my new friend peaceful dreams. Cudak puts the top back on its candy box and looks up at me. "There is something you should know about me, Ro."
"We have all done things that do not make us proud, Cudak. That is Amadeen."
It smiles and says, "This I think you might regard with particular distaste. You see, I’m from Draco. I’ve never been to Amadeen."
I stand there like a fool, my mouth open, my hand still on Cudak’s shoulder. "I don’t believe you. All of the things you said, the things you know―"
"The quarantine force surveys."
I can feel my eyes growing wide as I try to talk my new friend out of this absurd belief. "What about the things I know; things the QF could not possibly know. Gitoh, Hune, Dielo Ino? The way Viknim’s grain patties tasted?"
"Some you told me; others I guessed. Most, however, comes from the surveys. They are the most boring writers in the universe, but the data is there."
I pull my hand from its shoulder and it is all I can do to keep from using it upside Cudak’s head. "Why? Why all these lies? Why this game?"
Cudak picks up the box of candy and puts it away in its drawer. I see possibly ten more boxes there. "Ro, you asked me why I don’t get some rest. Using what I have learned from my studying, I set up a context within which you felt comfortable enough to tell me your entire life story complete with feelings, names, dates, and places. There is not a significant thing about you, from your initiation into the Mavedah to your sexual adventure with Falna that I do not know. There are many more individuals to interrogate, there is still much to learn, and that is why I do not rest."
It returns to its computer and I move to the door and look back. "Gay Cudak, how have you managed to live as long as you have?"
"I’m not as honest with everyone, Ro, as I have been with you. Also, I run very fast."
THIRTY-SEVEN
Amadeen. Risking my freedom, and more likely my life, to return to the only place in the universe I hate. "You’ll come back, Yazi Ro. There is nothing more certain." I think of Zenak Abi’s curse as we finish stowing away everything and strap into our acceleration couches to wait for the flight program to begin guiding us through the quarantine force’s array of obstacles. How did that look inside my head show Abi that I would return? How could it see what I could not see in myself? Through the open hatch to the cockpit, I see a corner of Amadeen fill the front viewport and the impossibility of what we are attempting fills me with panic.
"Okay," says the captain’s voice through our headsets, "here we go." The artificial gravity disengages and in the background I hear Yora counting, "Four, three, two, one, slam it!" An enormous unseen hand crushes my chest as the ship yaws sharply to the right and the acceleration of the engines begins shaking the deck and bulkheads. The deafening roar distorts the voices of Eli and Yora as my fingers dig into the couch’s armrests. Another yaw to the left, then I feel my internal organs pushing against my throat as the Aeolus rolls over into a power dive that seems to last forever. I fight my eyes open, glance into the cockpit, and gasp as I see flames through the front viewport!
"Atmospheric friction," yells Davidge. "It’s okay. We’re past the quarantine. You’re home."
Home. This burning heart of hell. Soon, though, the flames clear and we are flying above ice-covered mountains.
Home. I have not had a home since the Battle of Gitoh. On Friendship I had allowed my fantasies to see myself in Davidge’s cave as a child, learning book and line, and all of the skills Haesni was learning: to hunt the snake, cure skins, sew, prepare food, make beds, clothes, and boots.
Home.
Falna had a fire set then a missile sent into the cave where it had been reared and the fantasy was over. It will still be three months before Estone Nev reaches Falna’s side at the Karnarak. Will the old Drac have the strength to strangle the life out of its namechild’s child, the end of its line? Does Falna deserve such love?
"We’ll cross the terminator in a minute," says the captain’s voice through the headset. I release my straps, climb off the couch, and go to the cockpit in time to see us skimming across the surface of the Shordan Sea approaching the coast, the distant Silver Mountains bathed in reds and oranges from the setting sun. According to the data from the QF surveys, Zenak Abi and its band should still be somewhere in the Silver Mountains. As we make landfall I notice smoke and thin green threads of energy knives firing toward the southeast. A short distance in from the shore is a lake next to the fighting. I recognize it: Sharing. They are fighting in Riehm Vo one more time, liberating the previously liberated town liberated previously from the other side’s liberators.
"Better strap in, Ro," says Yora. "We’ll put down soon."
I nod and go back to my couch, my heart filled with the seeming hopelessness of our task. I notice Davidge, Sally, Cudak, and Reaper also thinking to themselves in this moment before commitment. After strapping myself in and putting on my headset, I lean back, close my eyes, and try to focus on the breaths entering and leaving my body.
"Crossing the terminator," says Eli.
I look over at Davidge. "Will, was the Ovjetah’s nameparent a military leader of great promise, as the Ovjetah leads at the Kovah and the Jetai Diea and Zammis leads in business?"
The human is silent for a moment. "No. Jerry was a fighter jock, same as me. Neither of us had a list of kills to brag about. Jerry was my third."
"How many did Shigan have!"