“Thrace,” she said uncertainly. “I don’t want to do this if…if it’s going to hurt you.”
“That doesn’t matter. Nothing matters now but doing it and getting it over with.”
“This is an intimacy,” Trin objected. “One that neither one of us would have chosen, maybe, but still an intimacy. I won’t let it become a rape.”
Thrace flinched, his eyes narrowing.
“It won’t be rape. I’m willing, I tell you.”
“Your body tells another story,” Trin objected. “A much different one Look how tense you are—how tight. You remind me of my stallion, Swift when he’s scented something that frightens him.”
“Not your fucking pet,” he growled. “Not some stupid animal that doesn’t know better. That’s not why I’m doing this.”
She frowned. “Why are you doing it then? Is it because of what you told me earlier? That your body is attuned to me? That I’ve somehow…broken your barriers? I don’t want to do this to you because you feel you have to let me—because you’re under some kind of…of chemical or hormonal spell or—”
“It’s nothing like that,” he interrupted. “It’s true I’ve reached the Crux—the point of no return when it comes to you. But that’s not why I’m doing this. I’m doing this because I lo—” He broke off abruptly, shaking his head. “Never mind. You wouldn’t understand.”
“I might.” Trin’s heart was beating hard. “Try me, Thrace. Tell me…what you were going to say.”
But he only shook his head. “Look, all you have to know is that I’m devoted to you. Didn’t I tell you I’d hold nothing back?” He lifted his chin. “A Havoc always keeps his word. This is me, baby, holding nothing back.”
“Thrace…”
“Listen to me.” He caught both her hands in his and faced her, looking earnestly into her eyes. “Mistress,” he said gravely, “I submit to you and offer my neck for your collar. I will serve you until I die or until you set me free.”
Trin bit her lip. Those words…the words… Why did they echo in her head like the tolling of a great bell? Why did they make her feel so uneasy?
Say it! Say the words, boy! Say them, damn you!
But Thrace wasn’t done yet. Still looking into her eyes, he continued softly.
“I will belong to you body and soul. I will protect you with my life, shield you from harm in times of danger, and pleasure you in times of peace. To the last drop of my blood, I…am…yours.”
Say the words! Say them!
Suddenly his face flickered before her eyes and Trin saw something else—someone else. Another Thrace—a younger Thrace—looked out at her. He was bound by his wrists and ankles, chained up beyond hope of escape. And there was a male—an older male with graying hair and a paunch standing behind him…hurting him…forcing him…
“No!” Trin sat back with a gasp as everything suddenly came rushing back. The dream…the nightmare…only it had been no nightmare. It had been a memory—reality!
“Trin? Mistress?” Thrace was looking at her with concern.
“That dream I had last night.” Trin knew her voice sounded accusing but she couldn’t help it. “It was about you. You and what happened to you in the past. Your father…murdered. And you were bought by some horrible old male…with graying hair and purple robes. He beat you and tied you up and…and…” But she couldn’t continue. She could only shake her head and stare at him. “It was real, wasn’t it?” she whispered. “All of it was real. You really were a slave.”
“Yes, it was real.” Thrace sat back scowling. “My Sire and I were taken when I was only sixteen cycles old—caught unaware by slavers. We were taken to the Flesh Bazaar. My Sire was killed but no one cared—doubtless none of the Masters or Mistresses there thought they could handle a full grown Havoc. A half grown one, though…now that was a different story.”
He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, pinching the bridge of his nose as though trying to drive back a headache.
“Thrace—” she began but he wasn’t done yet.
“The Master who bought me was the same one who murdered my Sire,” he went on in a low, growling voice. “He paid fifty thousand credits for me—just as you did, Mistress.” The word held a bitterness that Trin had never heard him use before. “He kept me intact for a good long while, hoping to get me to give my oath—to pledge my love and loyalty.”
“The words,” Trin whispered. “He wanted you to say the words—the words you said to me.”
“I wouldn’t though.” Thrace sounded grim. “I never gave those words to anyone…until I took your collar and gave them to you.” He looked at Trin but she found she couldn’t hold his burning gaze and had to look away.
“Did he…”
“Eventually he got tired of waiting, of course,” Thrace continued. “He took me—used me as hard as he could. It was a punishment, you see. For failing to give him what he wanted…for refusing to…” He choked. “Refusing to love him.”
“Thrace…”
“He used me almost every night after that,” the big Havoc continued, speaking relentlessly as though he was determined to get the whole sordid story out. Every muscle in his big body was bunched with tension as he spoke. “He didn’t always do me the courtesy of using lube, either.” He nodded at the small cylinder Trin had left lying on the side of the bed. “Those times hurt…but it was worse when he…when he took his time and did use it. When he spent time on trying to prepare me, as you were doing.”
“Why?” Trin couldn’t help asking although she didn’t really want to know. But somehow she knew that Thrace had to tell it. “Why was that worse?”
“Because those times were when he did more than just fuck my body…he fucked with my head.” Thrace clenched his jaw and a muscle in his temple jumped and twitched. “He…made me come for him, you see. It’s an involuntary response—you touch a male in the right way, rub against the right spot inside and it’s going to happen. I know that now. But for years I wondered what the hell was wrong with me…why I couldn’t stop myself from coming when he…when he took me.”
“Thrace…” Trin felt like her heart was breaking. Knowing this…finding it out was too much. Just too, too much. “How…how did you get away?” she whispered.
A slow, grim smile spread over his face.
“Three cycles he had me. And for two of those he used me. I was desperate to escape…little more than an animal after a while. And I finally got my growth.”
Trin remembered the young Thrace she’d seen in the dream—the way he was tall but not nearly as muscular or huge as he was now.
“I could see it coming on—I could feel my strength growing,” he went on in a low growl. “But the Master was blind to it—he only saw what he wanted to see. A slave he liked to fuck. So one night when he’d sent the guards from the room and one of my manacles was a little loose, I finally freed one hand. I reached for him and dragged him to me—that raping son-of-a-bitch.” He made an unconscious motion with one hand, clenching it tightly into a fist.
“And then?” Trin whispered, her heart beating in her throat.
“Then I gouged out his eyes and ripped out his throat. With my teeth.”
The look on his face was so fierce…so predatory, that she couldn’t help drawing back with an involuntary shudder.
“Goddess, Thrace…”
“His blood tasted so fucking sweet.” Those silver-blue eyes were blank now, filled with a fierce, animalistic light. “I killed him and left his corpse chained where he always chained me—left him for the guards to find. Well, the ones I didn’t kill on the way out.” He shrugged. “After that I went back home and swore I’d never be a slave again. And I wasn’t until Solar and I got drugged in that fucking bar on Padge.” He looked at her intently. “Before you bought me I swore to myself I’d kill my new master or mistress and get away before it could happen again. Before anyone could use me…that way again.”