“Probably.” He lifted her gently into his arms and cradled her against him. Then he glared at Two. “This isn’t over.”
“No, of course not.” Two looked positively gleeful. “And it won’t be until you either cure her in a way that is forbidden to her…or watch her die. Either way, I’ll wait.” He folded his arms across his skinny chest and grinned. “Just take your time.”
* * * * *
Trin was feeling decidedly strange as Thrace carried her back to her quarters, the long green dress dragging limply down his arm. At least it no longer felt like it was made of stifling fur and her skin wasn’t burning up anymore. But something else was wrong with her—something that went deeper than heat or cold.
The passion berries, she thought numbly. I’ve had three drinks. I’m going to die.
“You’re not going to die.” Thrace muttered, as if answering her morbid thoughts. He carried her into her quarters and locked the door. Then he set her on her feet. “I won’t let you die, Trin—I swear it.”
“How…how are you going to stop it?”
He tilted her chin so he could gaze into her eyes. His face was deadly serious and his voice was soft.
“You know there’s only one way to stop it.”
“Only one way,” she echoed, feeling dizzy and weak. “You…you have to penetrate me. Fuck me.”
“I have to make love to you.” He stroked her cheek. “We have to make love together until I fill you with my seed. It’s the only way.”
“We can’t…I can’t.” But even as she spoke, she felt the familiar heat building in her body. The tingling in the tips of her breasts, the hot, swollen feeling between her legs that meant she wanted his touch. Why did she want him so much? Was it just the passion berries…or something else?
“It’s the only way,” Thrace repeated. He looked at her intently. “I know you weren’t raised to do this—I know you think it’s wrong. But your body wants mine as mine wants yours.” He buried his face in her neck and inhaled deeply before pulling back to look at her. “I can smell the need on you.” His voice was a low, soft growl. “All I’m asking, Trin, is that you give in to that need—just once. Just long enough to save your life. I…” His voice grew hoarse. “I can’t stand here and watch you die. I care too much for you to do that.”
“We shouldn’t,” Trin whispered but she was already in his arms. “I should be willing to die before I allow a male to penetrate my body. I should be willing to lay down my life rather than commit such sacrilege.”
“It’s not a sacrilege—it’s a sacrament,” he insisted earnestly. “I don’t believe in the Goddess but in this I do believe. I won’t hurt you, Trin—I’ll do everything in my power to make sure it’s a pleasurable experience for you. I’ll make you come again and again but please…let me save your life—don’t make me watch you die. Please.” His voice broke on the last word and Trin felt herself breaking inside too.
“What about you?” she whispered pleadingly. “Won’t this cut your life span in half? I can’t do that to you—I can’t ask you to sacrifice your life for me.”
“That’s only if what we do causes a bond,” Thrace said. “And even then—”
“That’s right—the bond!” Trin drew back from him, her heart in her mouth. “We…I can’t risk that. Can’t risk tying us together for life!”
“We have to risk it—it’s the only way,” Thrace said grimly. “Besides—I know what you think of me—know you don’t want to be tied to me. So I’ll do my best not to bond you to me.”
“I…I never meant…I just thought…” Trin couldn’t finish her thought.
She stepped back and crossed her arms over her chest, shivering. The wine she had drunk was having a strange effect on her body—first she was hot, then she was cold and always she could feel her desire growing, her clit throbbing like a second heartbeat between her legs and her nipples tingling. The rapidly shifting sensations made it hard to think but she told herself she had to—had to reason this out before all reason left her.
I can’t do this…I shouldn’t do this. But why? It wasn’t that she feared to lose her status as one of the Unpenetrated—that had already happened. Once she would have felt that submitting herself to a male’s shaft would make her less of a woman—but she no longer really felt that way anymore. Not after getting to know Thrace as a person. If those were the only obstacles in the way, she would have gladly given him permission to save her life. But there was more—the deep seated belief, instilled in childhood, that doing this—that allowing a male to penetrated her—was a slap in the face of the goddess she worshipped. Blasphemy…sacrilege…the worst kind of depravity.
Trin remembered kneeling at the feet of the statue of the Goddess of Judgment on the day she had been dedicated at the temple. She had been only twelve cycles old and just that week the priestesses had been teaching her and the other girls in her class about the filthy, immoral practices of other planets. Planets where males and females lived and mingled together in sexual union. There had been pictures too—drawings of huge, brutish males taking females from behind, forcing their thick shafts into the females’ bodies while the objects of their lust writhed in agony and shame.
“This is what will become of you if you allow a male to penetrate you,” one of the greater sisters—Sister Honor—had lectured in a low, serious voice. “A male will use you like trash—defile and abuse you. And afterwards the Goddess can never accept you into her Holy Halls. You will be damned to the Hell of Defiled Women when you die. Is that what you want? Is it?”
No! Trin shivered at the old but still vivid memory. No, that’s not what I want at all.
Of course, if someone had asked her a few months ago if she still believed all the teachings of her childhood, she would have scoffed and said she was a grown woman, capable of making up her own mind. But now, faced with a decision that would alter her life radically and completely, she was no longer so quick to scoff. The Hell of Defiled Women might be just a ridiculous fairy tale made up by vindictive priestesses to keep naughty children in line but what if it wasn’t? What if it was all true and the Goddess was watching right now and…
No, stop it! she told herself sternly. Stop thinking like that. Yes, you’ve been taught to believe this is wrong—the wrongest thing you can do. But are you so certain about that belief that you’re willing to give your life for it? Are you really ready to die rather than let a male penetrate you?
The answer again, was no. No, she didn’t want to die here, with so much life left to live. No, she didn’t want to give up everything for her childhood beliefs.
But neither did she want to dishonor herself completely. Part of her—a large part—wanted to be back in Thrace’s arms. Wanted to feel his white-hot kisses on her mouth, taste his lips and then open herself to him. To let him stroke and caress every inch of her body before he finally thrust home within her.
However, Trin knew that was exactly what she must not do. There had to be a way to do this—to have sex with the huge Havoc and save her life—without making it a worse blasphemy than it already was. There must be a way…
Suddenly, she knew how.
“All right,” she whispered at last, looking up at Thrace, who was waiting anxiously for her answer. “But…I don’t want this to be a pleasurable experience.”
“What?” He frowned, clearly not sure he’d heard her correctly.
“You heard me.” Trin raised her chin. “I said, I don’t want it to be pleasurable. It shouldn’t be. This isn’t right and I’m not doing it for pleasure or because I want you…want you in me. It’s a necessity. It’s only to save my life.” She took a deep breath. “So don’t make it nice and sweet and safe for me, Thrace. Don’t try to make me come. Just…just shove it in and do it.”
His face hardened.
“Are you asking me to rape you? Because I won’t fucking do that, Trin.”
“It’s not rape—I’m willing.” She threw his own words back at him and watched him flinch. “Just not…” She crossed her arms over her breasts which felt swollen and hot with need. “Just not willing to make this anything else but what it is—a necessary evil.”